


The First Year

by A_Festive_Scarecrow, toad_in_the_road



Series: Oh, Your Love Is Sunlight [3]
Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Airships, Alchemy, Angst, Cassandra and Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider are Like Siblings, Characters Play Dungeons & Dragons, Dungeons & Dragons, Eileen didn't agree to this name but she has no control anymore, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/F, Female Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider, Fluff, Gender or Sex Swap, Genderbending, Hot Air Balloons, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, In a way, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbians, Magic, Mind Control, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Painting, Post-Tangled (2010), Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Saporians - Freeform, Scars, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) References, Snow Day, Team Awesome (Disney: Tangled), Varian Has Issues (Disney), Zhan tiri's blizzard, accidental adoption, and i would know i also threaten my sisters a lot, balloons are literally the worst, bitch they all do!!, blizzard, cass and eileen say a lot of mean words, gone wrong of course, has a prank ever gone right in a tv show tho?, im gay, its just a bunch of fucked up people trying their best, like planes but more swingy, no really, prank gone wrong, rapunzel gets one fuck per book, sometimes, there's gonna be so many damn tags by the end of this my god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 56,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26234473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Festive_Scarecrow/pseuds/A_Festive_Scarecrow, https://archiveofourown.org/users/toad_in_the_road/pseuds/toad_in_the_road
Summary: So Rapunzel's hair is back! That's...not what Eileen Fitzherbert was expecting.But it happened, and it seems like all they can do now is roll with it.Between the odd mystery of her hair, having to live with Cassandra, and continuously pushing down her feeling for the princess, Eileen is starting to wonder if the easiest part will be dealing with those ominous black rocks...
Relationships: Angry | Keira & Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider, Angry | Keira & Rapunzel & Red | Catalina (Disney), Cassandra & Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Rapunzel, Cassandra & Lance Strongbow, Cassandra & Rapunzel (Disney: Tangled), Cassandra & Varian (Disney: Tangled), Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Lance Strongbow, Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Rapunzel, Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Varian, Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Queen Arianna of Corona/King Frederic of Corona (Disney), Rapunzel & Lance Strongbow, Rapunzel & Varian (Disney)
Series: Oh, Your Love Is Sunlight [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901458
Comments: 20
Kudos: 53





	1. What the Hair?!

**Author's Note:**

> here we are! finally!!!
> 
> a few notes, of course:
> 
> im writing this from eileen's perspective, so if there's an episode that really doesn't have her at all, i might majorly rewrite it or skip it all together. im already adding extra scenes and dialouge to grow her character as she's obviosuly pretty different from eugene. 
> 
> i also have a few fun original episode ideas which im playing with, so we might see those!!!
> 
> always be sure to check the tags, because while im not planning to do anything that could really potentially trigger someone, this is rated teen for a reason.
> 
> this will be updated biweekly, a chapter on tuesday and a chapter on friday
> 
> anyway, enough about this, lets enjoy the gay mess that this thing is!!!!

**_whatever one loves most is beautiful_ **

**_-Sappho_ **

*** *** ***

“Don’t tell Eileen.” Cassandra said, perhaps inconveniently right as Eileen walked in.

“Don’t tell me what?” She asked, smiling slightly when Cassandra jumped. “I guess I can sneak up on you, huh? What, are you guys keeping secrets from me now?”

“It’s not really a secret, Eileen, more like…” Rapunzel trailed off. “A sensitive situation.”

“Sensitive?” Eileen glanced at Cassandra and grinned. “And you think she’s gonna help? I’ve met glaciers with more warmth and personality.”

Cassandra merely rolled her eyes. “I mean, it’s me, Rapunzel. You know you can trust me, right?” Eileen asked, leaning against the wall.

Rapunzel sighed. “I know, it’s just-”

“I don’t trust you,” Cassandra said. “You have a big mouth.”

“I do not.” Eileen argued. She glanced at Rapunzel. “You’re really not gonna tell me?”

She wriggled, looking guilty. “I’m sorry.”

Eileen pursed her lips, glaring at Cassandra. “Fine,” She said. “But you should know I keep things from you. Lots of things.”

Cassandra scoffed. “Name one.”

“Well, if I did, I wouldn’t be keeping it from you anymore, would I?” Eileen said.

“So you got nothing, huh, Ellie?” Cassandra asked, smirking.

Eileen scowled. “Stop calling me Ellie.”

Cassandra merely laughed, and Eileen stormed out, feeling oddly irritated.

*** *** ***

“Don’t give me that look,” Eileen said to Maximus. “It’s just a day out.”

Maximus snorted doubtfully, trotting next to her on the path up to the Snuggly Duckling tavern. Eileen sighed deeply. “Don’t turn this into a whole thing. If Rapunzel wants to keep secrets, fine. It doesn’t matter. Who cares, not me!”

Maximus tilted his head. Eileen glared at him. “I am NOT taking this too personally!” 

Maximus didn’t reply. Well, of course he didn’t. He was a horse. 

Eileen groaned, rubbing her eyes. “I need a drink.” 

She pushed open the door to the tavern, and smiled widely when the patrons glanced at her. A few nodded in acknowledgement, but most simply turned back to their drinks. “Well, don’t get too excited to see me.” Eileen muttered, walking in.

She paused at an unfamiliar face. “Who’s this guy?”

“Hookhand’s cousin.” The bartender said.

“Right, he’s away on his music tour thing,” Eileen smiled at the new guy. “So who are you, Hookfoot?”

She chuckled at her joke, but the chuckle died when the man swung his leg up to reveal a hook in place of his foot. “Oh,” Eileen swallowed. “Well...I guess that’s convenient to remember?”

As if on cue, Big Nose entered, holding a bouquet of flowers. “Oh, hey!” Eileen said, eager to refocus off of her blunder. “I’ve heard things have been going well with your lady friend. Assunta? Is that her name? How is it?”

“I could tell you,” He said, pulling out a notebook. “Or...I could read you the poetry I’ve been writing!”

Eileen’s face fell.

He cleared his throat, and Eileen realized that everyone in the tavern was glaring at her.

*** *** ***

When Maximus grabbed her, she was honestly grateful for the distraction. He shoved her to the window, and Eileen’s mouth fell open in shock, seeing Cassandra and Rapunzel riding past on Fidella.

“They...where are they going?” She asked, leaning out the window, watching them as they rounded the corner. She scowled.

“Alright!” She said, interrupting Big Nose. “Those sound great, you keep working on them, I’m gonna head out now.” She ducked out the door before anyone could stop her. 

She motioned for Maximus to follow, staying far enough behind so the girls didn’t notice her, a million thoughts going through her head.

“Why do you think Rapunzel’s keeping secrets from me?” She asked Maximus, ducking under a thick tree branch. “I mean, I know Cassandra doesn’t trust me, but Rapunzel? What’s so bad that I can’t know?”

Maximus sighed, as though he were already sick of this conversation. “Thanks for the support.” Eileen said dryly, coming to a stop when she saw Fidella tied up at an apple tree. She rushed forward, seeing a large millhouse. “They’re in there?” She asked, and Fidella snorted.

Eileen furrowed her brow, sitting on the ground. “I’ll...just wait here for them to come out. That’s fine, right?” She asked. She sat still, or as still as she was able, plucking bits of grass.

She made it about five minutes before she stood up. “That’s it, I’m going to check on them.” She brushed herself off, making her way carefully down the rocky hillside to the millhouse, peeking curiously through the side window when she heard a loud buzzing. 

There was a mechanical-looking saw, coming down slowly on-

“Shit-Rapunzel!” Eileen gasped, sprinting around to the door, throwing it open. She skidded to a stop, panicked, expecting some kind of bloodbath and maybe a few severed heads-

There was some little kid controlling several levers, Cassandra standing aside with a vaguely irritated expression on her face when she saw Eileen. The table Rapunzel had been strapped to jerked up, some kind of machine yanking on her hair. “Oh! Eileen! Hey!” She said, a guilty expression that Eileen was becoming used to on her face.

“Oh thank God,” She breathed a short sigh of relief. “I thought...can someone please explain what’s going on here?!”

Rapunzel glanced at Cassandra sideways, who shook her head. 

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. I’m getting you out of there.” She stepped up to the table, pausing at all the machinery.

“Hey!” The kid said, looking excited. “You’re Flynn Rider!”

“No,” Eileen said immediately, getting nervous. Someone recognizing her was never a good sign. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never seen you before in my life. And if I have,” She added. “You can’t prove anything.”

The kid laughed nervously. “I’m your biggest fan!” He rushed over, moving aside a curtain to display an old wanted poster of her with several books stacked around it. “See?!”

Eileen glanced at Rapunzel, slightly concerned. “Er-”

“I used to see your wanted posters all the time! You’re like, my hero!” He said, looking overjoyed.

Eileen took a step back. “That’s nice, kid-”

“I’ve read every single book about you!” He said, gathering up the stacked volumes by the poster. “I thought it was kinda weird that they made you a boy in them, but I guess people get mixed up, especially considering that so many of your wanted posters look funny-”

“Oh!” Eileen smiled. “Oh, you mean the book character…” She laughed, relieved the kid didn’t worship a criminal. “Listen, kid, that’s not me, I just took my name from the book.” 

“Hey hey!” The kid said, picking up some kind of glowing green prod. Eileen ducked away from it. “Remember that time you dueled that evil knight, blindfolded?” He swung the prod for emphasis.

Eileen ducked away. “No no, not me. Can you put that down?”

“Tell me how you took on the Earl of Camembert!” The kid demanded, pretending to swordfight.

“I-oh my God,” Eileen groaned. “Can someone tell me who this ten year old is?”

“Fourteen!” The kid corrected.

“Oh, sure, you heard that.” Eileen grumbled.

“And I’m Varian.” He said, turning back to Eileen. His prod bumped a vial filled with pink liquid, and it exploded with a loud CRACK and a puff of smelly smoke. Eileen stumbled back, gagging.

“Can you please put that down?!” Eileen asked.

Varian did so, looking no less excited, and the ground rumbled menacingly. Eileen froze. “What was that trembling?”

“Trembling?” Varian asked, looking shifty. “I didn’t notice any trembling. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about the spectrometric press! It’s the only real way I can get results from the test. Flynn Rider, wanna come with?”

“Absolutely not.” Eileen said. 

“Hey, hey!” Varian said, walking towards the door, a grin still on his face. “If you come, I can show you something real special. But, um, you gotta keep it a secret.”

Eileen perked up slightly. “A secret?”

She grinned at Cassandra, feeling petty. “Hear that? Var...uh…”

“Varian.” Varian said.

“Right! Varian wants to tell me a secret!” Eileen said, following him leisurely. 

She waited until the door closed behind them, and then rushed up to Varian, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Listen, kid, I need you to tell me everything the princess told you.”

“Oh!” Varian nodded happily. “Well, okay, first she said ‘we’re looking for Varian’, and then I said ‘I’m Varian’! And then she said, uh, ‘sorry to bother you, sir, but I wanna ask you about my hair’-” He paused. “Oh, wait, sorry, let me back up. I forgot to tell you about the raccoon trap. So-”

“That’s great, kid,” Eileen interrupted. “Can you skip to the important stuff?”

“Ms. Rider,” Varian said in utter seriousness. “When the Princess of Corona speaks directly to you, every word is important.”

“Oh my God.” Eileen muttered.

She followed Varian anyway, watching him shuffle around in a little shed. “I know that press is around here somewhere, Flynn.” He said.

“Can you-?! It’s Eileen. Seriously. Quit calling me that.” Eileen said, starting to become distinctly uncomfortable with the use of her old moniker. 

Varian ignored her, throwing a tarp of some kind of machine that Eileen couldn’t even begin to identify. “Here it is! And, once the tests are done, it’ll print the results on parchment paper-”

“Cool, cool, cool,” Eileen said. “But getting back to what the princess said-”

The ground shook, and Eileen stumbled, nearly falling into a table filled with glass vials. Varian looked around, somewhat nervous. “Why does that keep happening?!” Eileen asked.

Varian grinned, standing up and rushing over to what she had assumed was a cellar door. “Flynn Rider!” Varian said, not noticing her flinch slightly. “I believe I promised you a secret.” He flung up the trapdoor dramatically, revealing a ladder and a dark pit.

“Yay.” Eileen said, much less enthused about the secret now. All the same, she followed Varian down, the only source of light being the lantern Varian carried.

“Now, if my dad knew I was down here, he’d kill me,” Varian chuckled. “Of course, if he actually knew what I was doing down here, I like to think he’d be impressed.”

Varian started walking, and Eileen followed close behind. “These tunnels run through my entire village. Which makes them perfect for my project.”

“What project?” Eileen asked.

“This project.” Varian said grandly, rounding a corner.

There was some kind of metal monstrosity sitting in the cave, covered in vials and gauges that might as well have been written in Greek to Eileen. “Um…” She said.

“Through the miracle of alchemy, not magic,” Varian said, approaching a table that held a vial of bright green liquid. “I have found a way to heat this entire tank of water with a single drop of my newest, yet to be named compound...which I’ll call Flynnoleum!” He grinned proudly.

“Um.” Eileen said.

“I’m gonna surprise my entire village by bringing people hot, running water!” He said, and the machine suddenly shuddered. Eileen stepped back. 

Varian laughed. “I’ve constructed five of these babies all throughout the caverns.”

“Wait wait wait,” Eileen said, getting a bad feeling. “So these tremors...your machines are causing them?”

“No no no, my machines aren’t causing the tremors. The chemical reactions that trigger do.” He withdrew a dropper from the vial, leaning over a barrel filled with a thick red liquid. He dropped a single drop in, and a plume of fire emerged from the barrel.

“And no one knows you’re doing this?” Eileen asked, dragging a hand down her face. She was going to get a migraine from this. “Listen, kid, I’m not an expert in all this, but if it’s causing earthquakes, it’s probably a really bad idea. We gotta warn people about this.”

“No!” Varian looked panicked. “We can’t! You gave me your word you would keep this a secret.”

“Technically, I never said anything. I just followed you.” Eileen said. 

“Besides,” Varian said. “I’m an expert in this, and it’s perfectly safe.”

The machine groaned, and with a loud POP, a screw flew out, barely missing the green vial and burying itself into the dirt wall. Varian waved his hand. “It’s fine. It does that all the time.”

*** *** ***

“Team Awesome is back!” Varian said, bursting back in with Cassandra and Rapunzel. 

“I did not agree to that name.” Eileen said.

“Now, Rapunzel, I know these tests have been a pain.” Varian said, and Rapunzel smiled.

“I wouldn’t say pain.” She said. The room suddenly lit up, electricity sparkling loudly. Eileen ducked.

“Now I would.” Rapunzel said, hair frizzy. 

“In a moment, this little guy,” Varian patted his press lovingly. “Will give us all the answers we want!”

“Finally! Answers!” Rapunzel said, grinning as the press whirred to life, shaking and sputtering. 

“So, Ellie,” Cassandra said. “Got yourself a secret, huh?”

“You could say that.” Eileen said. 

The ground rumbled violently, and Eileen lurched. A raccoon fell from the ceiling, chittering nervously before running off. “Varian…” Eileen said.

“Don’t worry about it!” He said.

“Look, Blondie, I think it’s time to go. Right now.” Eileen said.

“What?!” Rapunzel protested. “Are you kidding?! This is almost finished!”

Eileen gritted her teeth, leaning over to Varian. “Can we talk?” She whispered. 

“Uh-huh!” He nearly fell over getting down from the platform. “That’s what Team Awesome does-whoa!” He yelped, surprised when Eileen dragged him outside.

“Those things are dangerous!” She snapped immediately. 

“Dangerous?” Varian said, as though the thought had never occurred to him. “No, they’re not dangerous. I have adjusted my calculations for every possible outcome. The margin of error is less than point fifty six percent! Or was it fifty seven…?”

“Oh, for Chrissake…” Eileen said, pacing. “Look, Varian, I think you’re a good kid. A smart kid with good intentions. But I’m literally begging you, for Rapunzel, and your entire village, to please shut off those machines, until some kind of earthquake person can come and inspect them!”

Varian looked startled by her desperation. “Please!” Eileen said, grabbing his shoulders. “Do it for Team Awesome!”

The ground shook again, and Eileen just managed to keep her footing. “I…” Varian paused. “I suppose I can turn them down...a bit.” He rushed off. 

Eileen groaned loudly. “Don’t swear at kids. Don’t swear at kids…” She told herself, rushing back into the main room, glancing at the test counter. “Alright! Six more tests! Then we can leave, right?”

“Why do you want us to leave so bad?” Cassandra asked.

“Oh, you can stay.” Eileen told her.

“Eileen, what’s wrong with you?” Rapunzel asked.

“Okay, fine! You wanna know why we have to go?!” She jumped back when there was a puff of blue smoke. Another test. “Look, I tried to keep a secret from you, and I would have done it really well-stop making that face, Cassandra-but this is too important. This kid-” She was cut off by more smoke.

The house rumbled, rocks falling from the ceiling. “Varian’s got five of these huge machine things underground, and clearly they’re very unstable! I think they could blow up any minute!” Eileen said.

There was a loud cracking sound, and Eileen turned to see the ground breaking apart. “Oh shit.” She said.

“Get me out of this thing!” Rapunzel yelled, struggling. 

Eileen lurched to the podium, yanking randomly on levers. “Don’t do that!” Cassandra yelled.

“Do you have a better idea?!” Eileen demanded. Cassandra drew her sword, trying to slash at the now frantically spinning machine, but it merely knocked her sword away.

Eileen sprinted across the room, grabbing the prod Varian had been playing with earlier, and stuck it into the gears. The machine grinded to a halt, struggling. “Give me your arm!” Cassandra said, trying to push machinery aside. Even Pascal was yanking uselessly on the straps.

“Eileen!” Rapunzel said, nodding to something outside. Through the cracked glass, she could see Varian sprinting across the crumbling earth. “He’s gonna get himself killed!”

“Get her out of here!” Cassandra said, running to the door. “I’ll get the kid.”

The test counter dinged, now at zero. “It’s over!” Rapunzel said, craning her neck to see the press, which was chugging out paper, heedless of the chaos. “I need those results!”

“And I need to remain in one piece!” Eileen said, still trying to rip the straps off.

A piece of the ceiling fell, landing directly on the press. “No!” Rapunzel shouted.

“God, this thing is tough.” Eileen said, kicking the machine uselessly.

“There’s no time!” Rapunzel cried. “You need to leave!”

“I’m not abandoning you. I promised I wouldn’t leave, remember?” Eileen tried for a playful smile, and Rapunzel returned a wobbly one. 

“You’re insufferable.” She said quietly, and the roof caved in.

Eileen closed her eyes tightly-

But nothing happened. 

There was a bright flash of golden light, and Rapunzel hair-which had made a shield around them-fell away. Eileen blinked in shock, and Rapunzel, now free from the table, looked just as surprised.

“What in the hell…?” Eileen muttered.

“I don’t know,” Rapunzel said. “I don’t know.”

*** *** ***

“Sorry you didn’t get your test results, Blondie.” Eileen said after they had regrouped.

Rapunzel sighed. “I should never have kept a secret from you. From now on, no more secrets. Ever.”

“Yeah? What about you and Cassandra?” Eileen asked, glancing over at the woman.

“That’s…” Rapunzel trailed off. “Between her and me.”

She sighed. “Okay, the truth? You know how I said I just woke up with my hair long?”

“I figured that was probably an omission.” Eileen said. 

“The night before, Cass kinda helped me break out of Corona.” Rapunzel said.

“Ha!” Eileen grinned. “Oh, she’s in so much trouble-” She paused when she saw Rapunzel’s horrified face. “That is, of course, if anyone were to find out. Which they won’t. Because I have the tightest lips around.” 

Maximus smacked her in the face with her tail. She pretended not to notice, helping Rapunzel onto the horse, and then climbing up herself. 

“You should have seen it, it was a crazy night,” Rapunzel said, smiling excitedly, and Eileen focused only on her. “She showed me these black rocks, and I know this sounds weird, but I think they’re what made my hair grow back.”

“After today, nothing sounds weird.” Eileen said.

“And then when I touched the rocks, they started chasing us!”

“Rocks chasing you? Alright, now we’re back to weird.”


	2. Rapunzel's Enemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got really excited for the mandolorian news and then i realized they released the info to cover up john boyega calling them out on their discrimination

“Gotta say, Blondie,” Eileen said, following the princess at a leisurely pace throughout the village. “You’ve got a good handle on the whole ‘adoring subjects’ thing.”

It wasn’t an exaggeration. Everytime Rapunzel made a public appearance, the people of Corona flocked to her like a moth to a flame. Everyone wanted to speak with her, compliment her, or give her some small trinket or present. Rapunzel was far better at interaction than Eileen was, and received each person warmly with a smile, as if they were an old friend. Eileen always tended to hang back, a bit uncomfortable with the run-off attention, but she liked to think she was getting better at it.

The attention was only greater now, since she had recently redesigned the seal of the Goodwill Gopher festival, which as far as Eileen knew, had been received with success

Rapunzel smiled, taking a flower that a small child offered her. “They do know how to make me feel special,” She said happily. “I mean, I’ve never heard so much applause, and someone actually booed me!”

Eileen instantly made a face, as though she had tasted something horribly sour. “Forget that guy. I wouldn’t pay too much attention-”

“I’ve never even heard that cheer before. It’s so exotic.” Rapunzel said, not seeming to hear Eileen.

She blinked, confused. “Wait, what?”

“Do you think he’s from overseas?” Rapunzel asked.

“You...don’t know what boo means, do you?” Eileen asked.

For having been completely isolated for eighteen years, Rapunzel was adjusting remarkably well to being in the outside world. Although, of course, there were still many social norms she was woefully unaware of. Most of them were harmless, such as her dislike of shoes, but occasionally slightly bigger issues popped up. Like this.

“Sure I know what it means,” Rapunzel said, glancing back at Eileen as if she were being silly. “It’s a cheer, like ‘yippee’, ‘hooray’, or ‘boo’, right?”

Eileen made a face, and Rapunzel paused. 

“No?” Rapunzel looked surprised. “Alright, then what does it mean?”

*** *** ***

“It means someone hates you.” Cassandra said, and Rapunzel gasped in horror. 

Eileen looked at Cassandra incredulously. “Why-” She swallowed her bite of apple. “Why in the hell would you say it like that?!”

“Why wouldn’t someone like me?” Rapunzel asked, looking positively baffled, and honestly, Eileen was just as shocked. “What could I have done to this person?”

“Rapunzel, who cares?” Eileen asked. “Not everyone’s going to like you. It’s a part of life.”

Cassandra scooped up a fat gopher, the one to be used later for the weird gopher festival that Eileen was still confused on. “Someone could not like you for any number of reasons,” She smiled at Eileen. “For instance, maybe you have a stupid looking ear. Someone might not like you for that.”

“You know, it’s hard to take you seriously when you’re cradling a giant rat.” Eileen said.

“It’s a gopher.”

“It’s a rodent.”

“This is important,” Cassandra said. “Gregorio the Goodwill Gopher represents half a millennium of honor and tradition throughout this kingdom.”

The gopher grunted, looking sleepy. “Very regal.” Eileen said dryly. 

“For your information, the Gopher Grab is a Corona institution. I was entrusted as the mascot’s caretaker because it is a mark of hallowed esteem.” Cassandra said.

Eileen snickered. “Your mark of hallowed esteem just took a shit on you.”

Cassandra’s nose wrinkled, holding the gopher away from her body. 

“Listen, Blondie,” Eileen said, pushing past Cassandra. “You’re just gonna have to accept the fact that some people just aren’t gonna like you.”

“Ugh!” Rapunzel said, still looking distraught. “I can still hear his gravelly ‘boo’ over and over again in my head!”

“I know your feelings are hurt, and I’m sorry,” Eileen said. “But, hey, if Cassandra and I both say don’t let it get to your head, you should probably at least take our advice under consideration.”

Rapunzel sighed, and then smiled. Eileen felt relieved. “You know what?” The princess said. “You’re right. Thanks.”

She gave Eileen a quick hug and rushed off.

Eileen frowned. “She’s gonna let it get in her head.”

“Probably.” Cassandra said, still fussing over the gopher. 

*** *** ***

“Hey, I’m bored. Wanna go through stuff at the guards?” Eileen asked, popping her head into Rapunzel’s room. She glanced at a painting that Rapunzel was working on and smiled. “Hey, it’s Monty!”

Rapunzel gasped, whirling around to face her. “You know him?!”

“Yeah. Everyone knows Monty.” Eileen said, sitting on Rapunzel’s bed. 

“W-well...probably because he’s really grouchy and doesn’t like anyone, right?” Rapunzel asked.

Eileen laughed. “What? Nah, he’s the sweetest guy in all of Corona. Seriously, if there was someone he didn’t like, they’d have to be, like, someone who only eats puppies or something-why do you look like you just bit a lemon?” Eileen said, interrupting her own train of thought.

Her eyes widened. “Oh my God, is that the guy who booed you?!” She scrambled to come up with anything to fix this. “Wait, wait a minute, no, uh…” she stood up, leaning in close to the painting. “You know, now that I look at it, that’s...definitely not Monty, that’s...uh...Gerald.” She bit her lip. _Great alibi._

“Yeah, uh, everyone hates Gerald.” Eileen said. 

“Hey, it’s Monty!” Stan, one of the friendlier guards, poked his head in. Eileen waved her hands frantically when Rapunzel turned around, trying to make Stan stop, but he merely waved back at her. “Oh, hi Eileen.” He came in, looking admiringly at Rapunzel’s painting. “That’s some painting of Monty, huh?” He chuckled.

“It is Monty.” Rapunzel said, giving a sideways look to Eileen, who shuffled.

“I’ll say,” Stan said. “You know, you don’t forget the guy who introduced you to your wife.”

“And _everyone_ likes him?” Rapunzel asked, still staring down Eileen.

“No no no, of course not, don’t be silly.” Eileen said.

“Eileen’s right,” Stan said. “Everyone loves him!”

Eileen sighed. 

“Where could I find him?” Rapunzel asked. 

“Uh,” Eileen said, desperately trying to regain control of the situation. “Monty’s a very private person-”

“Oh, sure, Your Majesty,” Stan said, ignoring Eileen. “He’s got a wonderful little shop in town. Let me draw you a map.” He withdrew a pencil and paper from who knows where, scribbling.

Eileen resisted the urge to groan, instead settling for a guilty shuffle when Rapunzel glared at her when she snatched the map from Stan. “Thank you, Stan.”

“Yeah, thank you so much, Stan.” Eileen said sarcastically.

“No problem,” Stan said brightly. “And when you see him, tell him thanks for the flowers he sent to my mom when she was sick.”

“Oh for Chrissake-” Eileen muttered under her breath, watching Stan leave.

“Listen, Rapunzel…” Eileen said, but Rapunzel sighed.

“I know. I know. You’re gonna tell me to leave it alone, but this is all just a simple misunderstanding!” She smiled brightly. “I just need to clear things up so we can be friends.”

She practically skipped out of the room, and Eileen sighed deeply, hoping she was right.

*** *** ***

“I just don’t get it, Cass.” Eileen said, pacing the room. Cassandra was doing a good job ignoring her, trying to scrub stains out of the gopher’s teeth with little success. “Why can’t Rapunzel just let it go? So one person doesn’t like her, who cares?”

“I know,” Cassandra said. “I mean, only one person likes you, and you’re okay with that? Pretty admirable, Ellie.”

“Can you get through one conversation without coming for my throat?” Eileen asked.

“Put it on your Christmas list,” Cassandra said, picking up the gopher. “I gotta get some lotion for his paws. Can you watch him for a few minutes?” She held the gopher out.

“Eugh,” Eileen said, picking it up by the scruff of the neck. “I’d really rather not. And are you sure I can be trusted with such a hallowed Corona institution?”

“I wanted the gopher to watch you.” Cassandra said, leaving before Eileen could protest.

“Ha.” She said dryly, sitting down in the chair next to a bowl of berries the gopher had been eating. 

Out of curiosity, she popped one into her mouth. “Hm,” She blinked, surprised. “These are actually really good.”

*** *** ***

“Ugh.” Rapunzel said, groaning impressively before diving onto the sofa.

“He hates me.” She said, her voice muffled. 

“Okay,” Cassandra said, pausing in her brushing of the gopher to turn to Rapunzel. “Come on, Raps. Give it up. Clearly, this jerk’s got serious problems.”

“You’ve been trying to get him to like you all day,” Eileen said, popping another berry into her mouth. “I think you’ve tried just about everything short of straight up ordering him to like you.”

“I’m _not_ doing that, Eileen.” Rapunzel said, voice still muffled.

Eileen shrugged. “Just saying you could.”

“Clearly, this jerk’s got serious problems.” Cassandra said.

“But if Monty could just see that I was-” Rapunzel started, but Cassandra cut her off.

“Wait, Monty?” She looked shocked. “Monty is the guy who hates you?”

“Let me guess,” Rapunzel said miserably. “You love him.”

Eileen waved her hands frantically. Rapunzel seemed close to getting legitimately upset if she was pushed much farther today.

“No! Me? Love him? Ha!” Cassandra said immediately, seeming to get the message. “I hate that guy.”

Rapunzel looked doubtful.

“Look, you’re just going to have to accept that Monty doesn’t like you,” Cassandra said. “And there’s nothing you can do to change that.”

Rapunzel blinked. “You’re right,” She said slowly. “There’s nothing… _I_ can do…”

“Er,” Eileen said, slightly worried. “Why the emphasis?”

But Rapunzel was already gone.

*** *** ***

“Does that thing really need a castle?” Eileen asked, staring at the dull-eyed gopher in the mini-castle.

Cassandra ignored him. “Two hours to the big race,” She said. “Chow time.” She grabbed the bowl that was once filled with berries, and scowled deeply.

“Ellie, did you eat all the berries?!” She demanded. 

“No! Of course not!” Eileen scoffed.

“Your teeth are purple.” Cassandra said.

Eileen put her hand up to her mouth self-consciously. “I ate a few,” She amended. “It’s not that big a deal, right?”

“Okay, let’s think,” Cassandra said, voice low. “If Gregorio doesn’t get his berries before the race, he’ll be lethargic. And if he’s lethargic, he won’t want to run. And if he doesn’t want to run, the Gopher Grab will be ruined. And I can’t have that!”

“Cassandra, he’s been half asleep literally all day.” Eileen said.

“Because he didn’t get the damn berries!”

“Christ, chill out.” Eileen said, but Cassandra glared fiercely at her. 

“Find some more bimberries, or else.” She said in an even lower voice.

“Or what?” Eileen asked.

Cassandra grinned, almost wolfishly. “Do you really wanna find out?”

*** *** ***

Eileen would readily admit she was in a bad mood, stalking the marketplace for berries with little luck so far. “Stupid gopher party…” She muttered to herself. 

She walked past Monty’s sweet shop, and paused. There was a young woman in there, talking to him, but she looked oddly familiar…

“Oh my God.” She out loud, not caring that people looked at her strangely. She immediately went in, and Monty perked up.

“Ah, Eileen! So good to see you!” Monty said jovially.

“Hey.” Eileen said, somewhat enjoying Rapunzel’s stricken look.

She was in a pretty good disguise, though, donned in an oversized dress that Eileen assumed held her hair, with a dark colored wig and glasses. “Good news!” Monty said. “I’ve got some more of those caramels you like so much. Give me a moment-sorry to leave you here, Misty, I’ll only be a moment.” He rushed into the back, and Eileen smiled.

“Misty?” She asked.

“How did you know I’d be here?!” Rapunzel asked.

“I didn’t. Good luck, I guess. Now, can you please explain to me what exactly you’re hoping to accomplish?” Eileen asked.

“I just…” She pursed her lips.

Eileen groaned. “This is getting ridiculous.”

“He even likes you! He remembers what candy you like!” Rapunzel burst out. “And you’re an ex-criminal!”

Eileen blinked. “First of all, low blow.”

Rapunzel winced. “Sorry.”

“Second, I don’t know why he likes me, honest. I’ve come in here, like, twice,” She sighed deeply. “When are you gonna get that sometimes people just don’t like you?”

“It’s not just that!” Rapunzel said. “I could stand it if he just didn’t like me for no particular reason. I think. But he has to have a reason to hate me this much!”

“Not necessarily,” Eileen said. “Cassandra and I have hated each other since the moment we first laid eyes on each other. It’s like the opposite of love at first sight. It’s a story for the ages, really.”

Rapunzel looked distraught at the joke. “But I don’t want that!”

“Okay! Okay,” Eileen sighed. “Alright, I get this is upsetting to you. But you have to stop this. Like, right now. Because it’s starting to border the lines of creepy and slightly illegal.”

Rapunzel’s face fell, but she looked at the ground. “...fine. I’ll let it go.”

“Good,” Eileen nodded. “Tell Monty I couldn’t stay, I’m on a mission for dimberries for that damn rat-also, if I don’t find berries, and I mysteriously disappear, blame Cassandra.”

*** *** ***

Eileen ducked into the tent where the gopher and Cassandra were waiting, holding a small bowl. “Berry delivery.” She said.

Cassandra rushed up to him, already back in her handmaiden uniform, scowling at her. “You sure took your sweet time getting them. Don’t you realize the Gopher Grab is about to start any minute?”

“You’re welcome,” Eileen said. “Am I getting reimbursed for this?”

“Okay, Gregorio, time to eat.” Cassandra said, offering a berry to the gopher. The gopher didn’t budge, and Cassandra frowned. She practically shoved the berry into its mouth, and the gopher slowly chewed and swallowed. “This could take a while.” Cassandra said. 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” An announcer called. “It is nearly time for this year’s Gopher Grab!”

Cassandra paled, practically shoveling the berries into the gopher’s mouth. She scooped him up, shoving him into his castle, and closing the door. “It’ll have to do.” She said.

“So, reimbursement?” Eileen asked, following Cassandra out. The handmaiden shot her a venomous glare.

“You’re on thin ice, Ellie.” She said, walking out with the castle. 

“I’m only-” Her mind went blank when she saw Rapunzel, still disguised, now with her leg tied with Monty’s.

“Oh my God.” She muttered. Rapunzel hadn’t seen her, and Eileen sighed, leaning against the wall lazily. At this point, she would just have to watch it fall to pieces and then try and put them back together later.

Cassandra set the castle down, rushing up next to Eileen. There was a shrill whistle, signaling the start of the race, and the castle door popped open.

Nothing happened.

“...is this a suspense thing, or…?” Eileen asked, glancing at Cassandra.

“No no no no…” The handmaiden muttered, rushing up to the castle and peeking inside. 

There was a loud squeal, and Cassandra jumped back as the gopher shot out of the castle like a bullet, tearing across the enclosed field as though running for it’s life. 

The chasers began to stumble after the gopher, but none of them could even seem to get close. The crowd cheered loudly.

Eileen grinned. “Alright, I have to admit, that does look like fun.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Cassandra said, going back to Eileen. “Why would Gregorio react to bimberries like this?”

“Dimberries.” Eileen corrected automatically.

“Dim-what?” Cassandra asked. “No no, there’s two kinds. Bimberries and dimberries. I needed bimberries.”

Eileen made a face. “There's a different kind? Why do they sound so similar?”

Cassandra’s face twisted in fury. “They were supposed to be bimberries! Don’t you know that dimberries cause hyperactivity in rodents?!”

“Cassandra,” Eileen said slowly. “I wasn’t aware bimberries existed until about thirty seconds ago. What makes you think I’m an expert on rodent diet?”

The gopher was still tearing through the arena, knocking over anyone who dared try to grab it. It scurried to the edge of the wall, digging frantically underneath it, escaping.

“Oh shit-” Cassandra muttered quietly to herself. “Oh no oh no oh no-” 

Monty didn’t seem discouraged, throwing open the entrance to the arena, grabbing Rapunzel’s arm. “Come on, Misty!” He said excitedly. “Let’s show these youngsters how a gopher is really caught!” He ran after the wild rodent, dragging Rapunzel along.

Eileen made a face, her stomach dropping. “Cassandra,” She said slowly. “Now might not be a great time to tell you this, but I think we need to go find Rapunzel.”

*** *** ***

“And you let her keep doing it?!” Cassandra asked when Eileen explained the situation. 

“I thought she was gonna give it up.” Eileen said.

“You know that’s not true.” Cassandra said.

“Well, I would have made sure about it if you hadn’t been breathing down my neck about the berries.”

“Oh, so it’s my fault now?!”

“A little bit, yes!”

“Cassandra! Eileen!” Rapunzel burst out of the brush, a big smile on her face and no longer in disguise. “Great news! Monty and I aren’t friends!”

“What?” Eileen said.

“We aren’t friends! He found out it was me, and even after everything, he still doesn’t like me! He’s mad I redesigned the gopher seal!” She looked overjoyed.

“All this over that seal you redid?” Eileen asked. 

“Yes!” She squealed. “And it’s alright! Not everyone has to like me!”

“That’s what we-” Eileen sighed. “Good. Alright. Good. No more disguises?” 

“Nope,” Rapunzel said happily, looping an arm around each of them. “Besides, why should it bother me? I have you guys!”

“Heh,” Eileen said, staring ahead so Rapunzel couldn’t see her blush. “I guess so.”

“Hey Rapunzel, why shouldn’t you feed rodents dimberries?” Cassandra asked.

“It makes them hyperactive. Why?”

“I-how in the hell did you know that?”

“Everyone knows that, Eileen.”

“I didn’t.”

“Well, now you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh i had fun adding in new scenes and dialogue. i hope yall enjoy  
> ive noticed there's like a particular ring of tangled writers who are all kind of friends how do i get in on that, ive always wanted to be in a little writing chat 
> 
> anyway, see you next tuesday!!!


	3. Fitzherbert P.I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look...ACAB and all but i do like the story thread of eugene joining the guards and stuff. also i dont think the corona guard is corrupt, at least as far as we know

“We’ve been here for hours,” Eileen said. “And everytime Rapunzel finds a new pose or look for her painting, you shoot it down. It’s just a painting.”

“This is the princess’s royal portrait.” Cassandra said. 

“All you did was add two words and change the word from ‘painting’ to ‘portrait’.” Eileen said.

Rapunzel sighed, looking at the scattered props she had been trying out. “She’s right, Eileen,” she said. “All these portraits say something about what makes a particular king or queen unique.” Rapunzel gestured to the massive paintings lining the wall.

“It’s tradition, and she’s gotta decide on a look soon,” Cassandra said. “The Giovanni gets here in two days, and from what I hear, the guy is as famous for his temper as he is with his art.” 

“Well, look at this guy,” Eileen nudged a painting. “He’s not doing anything, and he seems pretty happy.”

“Hey hey!” Cassandra rushed forward, shooing Eileen away. “Careful, these paintings are priceless, especially that one.”

Eileen glanced at the painting of the mustached man doubtfully. “It’s the only known painting of Robin IX.” Cassandra said.

“This kingdom had eleven Robins?” Rapunzel asked.

“Nope, just this guy. They called him that because the only interesting thing about him was that he had-” Cassandra was interrupted by Rapunzel.

“He has eleven fingers.” Rapunzel said.

“Yikes,” Eileen said. “How do you flip someone the bird?”

“That’s your main concern?” Cassandra asked.

“W-well,” Eileen said, slightly embarrassed. “Not my main one, but I am curious.”

“Listen, Raps, if you’re trying to find your defining activity, don’t listen to her. Her work history is being a two bit hood.” Cassandra asked.

Eileen glared, surprisingly stung. “Hey, I’ll have you know I was a living legend.” 

“Key word being ‘was’,” Cassandra said. “And what are you doing now?”

Eileen blinked. “Er…many things. Important things. Things so important you wouldn’t understand them.”

“Sure, Ellie,” Cassandra said, turning back to help Rapunzel. “Whatever you say.”

“It’s Eileen!”

*** *** ***

“Scoot over, lizard.” Eileen said, collapsing into a chair. Pascal squeaked in irritation, but Eileen ignored him.

“Yeah yeah, cry about it,” She snapped, and sighed when Pascal gave her a look. “Sorry, I just...I dunno. Cassandra was bugging me about my whole, you know, used-to-be-a-criminal thing, and it got me for some reason.” She sighed deeply, running her hand down her face.

“I dunno. I know I haven’t really...done anything since I’ve gotten into the castle. I was fine with it, but now that Cassandra brought it up, it’s eating at me.” She sighed again.

Her pity party was interrupted by a tinny shriek from the square below. “Stop thief!”

Eileen jerked up, looking out the window. There was a hooded man shoving his way through the crowd, sprinting and dodging anyone who tried to get in his way. 

“I know where he’s headed.” Eileen said, sprinting out the door and out the castle.

She ran into the guards, and waved at them frantically. “Guys, he’s headed to the docks!”

The captain scowled at her. “We’ll handle this, Rider. And besides, he ran in the opposite direction, genius!” He waved to his men, and they sprinted off in the supposed direction of the thief.

“I gotta do everything myself around here.” Eileen muttered, taking off down towards the docks. She ducked behind a crate, grinning to herself when she saw the thief sprinting down the pier. 

She stuck her leg out, and the thief tripped and went flying. She laughed to herself, and the thief glared at her, balling his fists as if preparing to attack her. 

Eileen snatched up a small knife, covered in fish guts. “I wouldn’t, buddy.” She said in a mockingly sweet voice. 

The thief stepped back, looking surprised, and Eileen slashed a rope. A net filled with smelly fish fell, trapping the thief. “You bitch!” The thief said in a squealing voice.

“Try for an original insult.” Eileen said smoothly, turning when she heard the guards running up behind her. 

“Rider, what are you doing here?” The captain demanded.

Eileen scowled. “A thank you would be nice. I don’t wanna say I did your jobs for you, but…” She gestured grandly to the thief. “I’ll leave the rest to you, pal.” She stepped around the guards, feeling oddly pleased with herself.

“Odd twist, huh?” She heard Stan say. “Flynn Rider on the side of law and order.”

And Eileen smiled.

*** *** *** 

“Blondie! I-” Eileen burst into Rapunzel’s room and paused. “Damn.”

It looked like Rapunzel had torn apart her room, setting everything around her in a circle, like she was in the eye of a hurricane. She sighed. “I’m having trouble picking just one interest for my portrait, and then it hit me. I’ll pose with all of them, right?” She smiled. “Good idea, right?”

“Er…” Eileen looked out over all the stuff. “It’s great you have so many hobbies, but I think you’re going to look like a hoarder if you use everything here.”

Rapunzel sighed. “I guess you’re right…” She glanced up. “Sorry, you wanted to tell me something?” 

“Oh, right,” She smiled excitedly. “What if I joined the Royal Guard?”

Rapunzel laughed, and then froze when she saw Eileen’s hurt expression. “What-oh, you’re serious!”

“You don’t think I could do it?” Eileen asked. 

“No no!” Rapunzel looked guilty. “Sorry, I...thought you were joking.”

“Well, I’m not,” Eileen said shortly. “And I think I’d be good at it.”

“I’m sure you would,” Rapunzel said hesitantly. “It’s just...are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“I think my old skills would translate well.” Eileen said, slightly bitter.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Rapunzel said. “This is coming out wrong. I just mean...why this all of a sudden?”

“Why not?” Eileen shrugged. “I’ve just been sitting around for a while. I wanna do something. Something good. Also, joining the guard would be a spicy twist of irony.”

Eileen heard a laugh, and turned to see Cassandra leaning against the door. “So you’re not kidding? You actually want to try and join the guard?”

“How long have you been standing there?!” Eileen demanded.

“Long enough,” She smirked. “You really think you have what it takes to be a guard?”

“It’ll be a step down, if anything,” Eileen said. “I’ve spent most of my life outsmarting and outrunning guards.”

Cassandra laughed. “You wanna know what I think?”

“No. I didn’t ask.” Eileen said.

“I think you won’t even make it through basic training.” Cassandra said.

“Training? What, like school? I was great at school.” Eileen said.

“When did you drop out?” Cassandra asked.

“Irrelevant,” Eileen said. “Who’s the teacher anyway?”

“My dad.” Cassandra said.

“Oh.” Eileen said.

*** *** ***

“All right, line up, maggots!” The captain shouted, taking special care to glare at Eileen. She bit back a smart remark. She already knew the captain was going to take time to make this a living hell for her, and she didn’t need to give him any incentives to make it worse, or kick her out altogether.

Cassandra and Maximus sat at the far end of the field where the training was taking place, watching. Eileen grit her teeth at the sight of Cassandra. If anything, it gave her more drive to do this.

“This boot camp will push you to your very limits,” The captain said, pacing in front of Eileen and the two other recruits. “By the time I’m through, you’ll be crying sweat and sweating tears.” 

Eileen blinked.

“But if you make it through camp and pass the final exam…” He trailed off, suddenly noticing the old drunk from the Snuggly Duckling had appeared in line as well, not looking too sure as to why he was here. No one really even knew his name. Everyone just called him Shorty. 

“And for some of you, that’s a highly unlikely ‘if’,” He said, glancing at Shorty. “You will receive probationary trainee status.”

 _Alright_ , Eileen thought. _I can get through this. Easy-peasy._

*** *** ***

“Shit-” Her hands slipped on the rope, and she swung out, scrambling to keep her grip. The rope stung painfully, and she winced.

She managed not to fall, but she did slam hard back into the wall. She grunted, pretending not to hear the guards laughing below. “Alright up there, Rider?”

“Eileen.” She muttered to herself.

“What was that?” 

“Nothing!” She called down, half-hating herself for not letting loose the string of curses that had been building up for the last two hours, which had been about the time the training was supposed to end. The captain had kept her after, still making her do various obstacle courses. Waiting for her to slip up. 

What could she do? Refuse?

Covered in mud from the last time she had fallen, she took a breath, forcing herself to climb the rest of the wood wall, still managing a self-satisfied smile when she sat on top, glancing down at the guards. “How was that?” She asked.

The captain scowled. “Dismissed.” He said.

“Great.” Eileen muttered to herself, jumping down, biting back a wince. Every part of her body was sore and achy, not that she would ever admit it. “Only four more days of this shit.”

“Hey!” Eileen turned, seeing Cassandra and Maximus rushing up to her. “Here.” Cassandra said, offering Eileen a canteen. 

Eileen narrowed her eyes. “You don’t think I’m that stupid, do you? What’d you put in it?”

“Water,” Cassandra said. “I’m trying to be nice.”

“Uh-huh,” Eileen said, but frankly, she was too thirsty to refuse. “Thanks.” She decided it was worth the risk, taking the canteen and taking big gulps of water. Nothing seemed to be wrong with it.

“So what now? Do I owe you my firstborn or something?” Eileen asked.

Cassandra rolled her eyes.

“I’m not quitting, by the way.” Eileen said.

“I figured.” Cassandra said.

“Not that it really matters,” Eileen said bitterly. “No matter what I do, come the final, your dad’ll come up with a cheap shot to make sure I fail. He wants me out.”

“You know,” Cassandra said slowly. “For someone who spent most of her life breaking rules and getting what she wants, you're having an awful lot of trouble with someone who’s breaking the rules and getting what he wants.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Some kind of cryptic advice?” Eileen asked.

Cassandra shrugged. “I’m only making an observation.”

“Yeah, sure seems like it.” Eileen said, gulping down the rest of the water. She wiped her mouth. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have about five pounds of accumulated mud I need to go wash off.”

*** *** ***

She did make it to the end of the week, somehow, though by then she was just about done with holding her tongue.

“Complete this course before the whistle blows. Is that clear?” The captain asked as Eileen made her way back into the line, having made a point to be late.

“Actually,” She said in a sickeningly pleasant voice. “Can you go through that one more time? I’m just so used to ignoring you at this point-”

She paused when the captain stomped up to her, getting right in her face. “Listen up, Rider,” He snapped. “I can’t believe you made it this far. But I’m glad you did.” He had a slightly cruel smile on now.

“I’ve made this course especially difficult just for you.” He said.

“I’m flattered.” Eileen said flatly, slipping her hand into his pocket.

The captain scowled, stepping away. “Go!” He shouted, turning over an hourglass, and Eileen set off through the obstacles course.

At first, she thought the captain had been bluffing about the course to scare her. The hidden net was painfully obvious and an easy dodge, dodging the swinging sandbags was a piece of cake.

And then she frowned. It was that damn wall, except this time, there wasn’t a rope. 

She looked around, noticing a few discarded arrows, a memory from the first time she had climbed Rapunzel’s tower popping up in her head. She snatched them up, and dug them into the wood of the tower, pulling herself up slowly, arrow by arrow.

She managed to drag herself to the top, rolling over the edge and nearly losing her footing on the other side. She sprinted, racing towards the tiny marked finished line, suddenly acutely aware that Cassandra and Maximus were watching her. 

Eileen’s foot was less than an inch from the finish line when she heard the captain laugh. “You lose!” He shouted, looking overjoyed. He reached into his pocket and paused. “Where-” He glanced up, shocked to see Eileen holding his tiny silver whistle.

Staring him dead in the eye, she stepped over the finish line and blew the whistle. “Complete the course before the whistle blows, right? That’s what you said. Nothing about an hourglass,” She grinned. “Amazing. I can follow the rules.” 

She tossed the whistle to him, feeling oddly proud of herself. Like she was genuinely glad of the success, not just happy to prove everyone wrong. “I’ll take that uniform, thank you.”

*** *** ***

“Dungeon duty,” Eileen said to herself, staring down the dim halls. “Cool.”

She pushed up the brim of the helmet, feeling distinctly odd in the armored uniform. “Er, not trying to complain, but do you have a smaller size for the helmets?” She asked the captain, who merely glared at her. 

“This is your post,” He said. “That main entrance is to remain locked at all times.” He motioned to an iron door at the opposite end of the hall. 

“You are to patrol this entire block every five minutes. Is that understood?” He asked.

Eileen peeked around him, seeing the thief from the other day sulking in the corner. “There’s literally one prisoner here.”

“Do you understand?” The captain repeated.

“Yeah, I just...thought I would be more useful somewhere else? Not watching mold grow?” Eileen said, pushing her helmet up again. “And seriously, I think this is a workplace hazard to not have a fitting helmet-”

“You’re not being paid to think, Rider.” The captain snapped, and Eileen just barely bit back a retort of _neither are you, apparently_.

“Every five minutes.” He repeated, walking out and slamming the entrance shut.

The thief giggled.

“Oh, can it.” Eileen snapped.

*** *** ***

“The Giovanni!” Eileen said, opening the door to Rapunzel’s room and seeing a frilly looking man leaning over a blank canvas. Rapunzel stood in front of him, with nothing but Pascal on her shoulder. “Can I call you The? You’re the best.” The Giovanni glared at her. 

“Hey Blondie, looks like you went with the simple choice.” Eileen said.

She smiled. “Yeah, I-wait, what are you doing here? Cass said you had dungeon duty.”

“Oh, I do,” Eileen said. “The Cap told me to walk the cell blocks every five minutes, but you know, what a waste, right? So I walked it twice, and now I have a ten minute break.”

“I don’t...know if that’s how it works.” Rapunzel said.

“It’s fine! There’s literally one prisoner down there. And trust me, he doesn’t have the capability of escape.” Eileen said.

The Giovanni growled at her. “You! Out now!” He grumbled loudly in Italian, and Eileen paused.

“Er, pardon me?” Eileen asked.

The Giovanni repeated himself, and Eileen blinked. He had just slew together a string of random words. Was he having a stroke of some kind? “I cannot concentrate!” He finished, pushing her out.

“Rider, where are you?!” She heard the captain demand. And he sounded angry.

*** *** ***

“He escaped?!” Eileen asked, staring at the empty cell. “Are you kidding me?! How?!”

“Apparently, someone didn’t follow regulation and left the main door unlocked.” The captain said.

Eileen winced. “Christ.”

“And because of your delinquency,” The captain continued. “The prisoner was able to pick his lock, and escape!”

“Look, I know this looks bad-” Eileen started, but the captain interrupted her.

“You bet it does. Turn in your helmet and shield, hotshot. You’re off the guard.” He pushed past Eileen, who was too shocked to protest. 

*** *** ***

“Dammit, dammit, dammit…” She muttered to herself, stalking down the halls of the castle with her helmet tucked under her arm. “Why didn’t you just listen?!” She scolded herself.

“Who wants to be on the guard anyway, right? So many rules and responsibilities.” She told herself. She rounded the corner, and slammed right into the Giovanni.

He dropped something, a folded up sketch in a cylinder, she assumed, and Eileen winced. “Sorry, let me-”

The Giovanni glared at her, letting loose yet another random string of Italian words that had no real rhyme or reason. Eileen stepped back. “ _Stai bene, amico?”_ She asked.

The Giovanni looked startled, and shoved past her. “Watch where you are going!” He snapped.

“Christ,” Eileen said, watching him leave. “No need for that…”

*** *** ***

“Hey, Blondie, how’d the portrait turn out-what in fuck?” Eileen said, unable to stop the curse. 

Rapunzel was staring at the portrait with a puzzled expression. Puzzlement was probably too kind. The portrait was awful, more like colors had been half-hazardly tossed in a vague approximation of Rapunzel. 

“I’m...trying to _get_ it.” Rapunzel said slowly.

“There’s nothing to get,” Eileen said. “It sucks.”

Rapunzel sighed. “Maybe a little.” She admitted.

“A lot,” Eileen said, smiling slightly. “Some world-famous artist. I could do better-” Her eyes caught the portrait of eleven fingered Robin, and she froze. “Oh my God!”

Rapunzel looked at her sideways. “You alright?”

“Yeah yeah!” Eileen said, feeling incredibly stupid for not noticing something was off earlier. “I gotta find the captain!”

*** *** ***

“Look, I know you’re pissed-” She stammered. “I mean, I know you’re mad at me right now. But that portrait of Robin XI has been stolen.”

The captain regarded her with irritation, sifting through papers. Cassandra was behind him, watching their exchange with interest. 

“No, it hasn’t,” The captain said. “Do you wanna know why it hasn’t? Because my men can adhere to procedures. And procedure dictates that the gallery be patrolled every five minutes.”

Eileen sighed, glancing at the guards at either side of the captain. “Stan? Pete?” She asked, somewhat desperate for support.

“Sorry, Eileen,” Pete said quietly. “We just checked two seconds before you arrived. Everything was fine.”

“It’s a counterfeit!” Eileen said, but jumped slightly when the captain slammed his fist on the table.

“Enough of this!” He snapped. He pointed to the door, still glaring at Eileen. “Get lost before I lock you up.”

Eileen wanted to give some smart comment, but the captain looked dead serious in his threat. She gritted her teeth, turned on her heels, and stalked out.

“Nasty bastard.” She grumbled to herself. 

“You’re going after it, aren’t you?” Cassandra said, ducking out after Eileen.

“What about it?” She asked.

Cassandra shrugged. “I’ll help.”

Eileen blinked. “Wait. You believe me?”

Cassandra sighed. “You may be arrogant, self-centered, inconsiderate, rude, an absolute bitch and an idiot,” Cassandra said, ignoring Eileen’s shout of protest. “But I’m guessing you didn’t become a ‘legend’-” She used air quotes. “-by not trusting your gut. So if you say something isn’t right, I might believe it.”

“Are you possessed by a nice demon right now or something?” Eileen asked.

“Plus,” Cassandra added. “If you are wrong and fall flat on your face, I’ll be the first to see it.”

“There we are,” Eileen said. “Okay, I can work with that.”

She started running down the hall, motioning for Cassandra to follow. “Come on, I think I know where he’s headed!”

*** *** ***

Maximus’ hooves pounded against the cobblestone road, and Eileen stood up in the saddle to get a better look, relieved to see the faux Italian running down the dock. She pointed for Cassandra’s benefit. “He’s trying to get the last ferry out of Corona!”

The thief leapt onto the ferry, and Eileen nudged Maximus to pick up even more speed. He snorted, getting to the edge of the dock and pushing off, flying through the air and just barely managing to land on the deck. 

She heard a startled whinny and looked back. Fidella hadn’t been quite as quick, and paced the edge of the dock, looking concerned. Eileen waved to Cassandra, and she nodded.

“Alright, Max,” Eileen said. “It’s just you and me now.”

The horse nodded, and they broke off, Eileen withdrawing her knife, grateful she had never quite kicked the habit of always being armed. It came in handy. 

She ducked around the corner, but was too slow to see the fake Giovanni, and he leapt at her, kicking her in the stomach. She stumbled back, losing her grip on the knife, and he snatched it up, swinging at her. 

Eileen stumbled back, somewhat embarrassed by her lack of reaction, and kicked over several crates. The man stumbled back, and Eileen whistled shrilly. 

Maximus kicked hard from where the crates had previously been, and the man flew backwards several feet before he hit the mast, stunned. However, the rolled up painting also flew from his grasp. 

Eileen yelped, scrambling on top of the crates to chase after it. “I got it!” She shouted, mostly to herself. The painting rolled, and fell over the edge of the ferry. Eileen lunged for it, only just managing to catch it by the strap, nearly throwing herself overboard.

She heard cheering, and glanced back towards the docks to see the guard gathered there, waving and shouting at her. The captain’s expression was unreadable, but Eileen grinned widely, giving him a long, exaggerated wave. She held up the painting.

“Missing something?” She called back.

*** *** ***

“At first I thought he was having a stroke,” Eileen said, leaning leisurely against the crates, watching the thief get hauled away. “But he was only word vomiting in Italian.”

The captain glanced at her, looking somewhat surprised. 

“What?” She said, a bit defensively. “I spent a few years in Florence. It’s pretty, but I think they still have a warrant out for me so I probably shouldn’t go back-I’ll stop talking now.” She decided, a scenario of him dropping her off in Florence if he ever got too pissed off with her springing to mind.

It was unlikely, but it didn’t seem impossible.

“Perhaps…” The captain said slowly. “I acted precipitously when I dismissed you, Rider.”

“You...you’re offering for me to join the guard again?” Eileen asked.

“Oh! No, no way, never,” He laughed. “You’re a terrible guard, Rider.”

“Wow, we went from almost an apology to more insults.” Eileen said.

“But I do have something else in mind,” The captain said. “Maybe...you could help out with teaching.”

“Teaching?” Eileen asked.

“Training is all well and good,” The captain said. “But it’ll only get you so far. You’ve got experience in the sort of things we’re trying to stop. And I was wondering if you’d be able to pass that knowledge onto my men, Fitzherbert.”

Eileen felt a smile spread across her face unbidden, which sort of ruined her poker face. “I-you know what? Sure. Sounds great.”

The captain nodded stiffly. “Training field. Monday morning at eight sharp.”

Eileen saluted him. “You got it.” 

It was only later did she realize he had finally called her by her real name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would you believe me if i said i had 90% of season one done and i was drafting season 2 and thinking about season 3? i have too much time on my hands


	4. Cassandra V. Eileen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bro not me starting to double major in biology and creative writing i shouldnt be allowed to make decisions

“ELLIE!” The shriek echoed through the castle halls. 

Eileen crossed her arms. “I don’t know what you’re so upset about,” She snapped, and then smiled with an edge of malice. “Or rather, I don’t care what you’re so upset about.”

“Hey guys!” Rapunzel said, coming out of her room with a voice filled with forced cheer. “So what’s going on-”

“Not only did you take my halberd without asking,” Cassandra said, ignoring Rapunzel. “You bent and broke the top!”

“First of all, I absolutely did not!” Eileen said. “Second, what’s a halberd?”

Cassandra practically growled, grabbing an axe with a spike on top from a decorative suit of armor.

“Oh, so that’s what it is…” Eileen mused. “Alright, I was trying to see if I could unlock a window with it.”

“Why…” Cassandra gripped the halberd tightly. “Why were you doing that?”

“I wanted to see if I could. And I did. So you’re welcome.” Eileen said.

“Okay,” Rapunzel said, stepping between the two. “Okay, let’s try taking a deep, calming, cleansing breath.” She did so, but neither Eileen or Cassandra followed suit. 

“I asked you like a million times if I could use that thing.” Eileen said to Cassandra. 

“And I said no. Everytime.” Cassandra said.

“Which is selfish,” Eileen said. “And also we both know I won’t listen to you.”

“Guys, come on,” Rapunzel said. “This is getting ridiculous.”

“Ellie, a halberd should only be handled by a skilled warrior.” Cassandra said. 

“Which I absolutely am!” Eileen said, grabbing for the halberd. She hadn’t anticipated Cassandra letting her have it without a fight, so the weapon slipped from her grasp, shattering a decorative pot.

“Shit.” Eileen said, and Cassandra laughed. 

“Way to go, Ellie.” Cassandra said, looking pleased. 

“This one’s heavier than I expected.” Eileen said, feeling her face grow hot. 

“Let’s not panic!” Rapunzel said, looking at the vase with some panic. “It was just my dad’s favorite, irreplaceable, one of a kind, most favorite vase…” She trailed off.

“Kinda making me nervous here, Blondie.” Eileen admitted.

“Hey, I have an idea. Ellie, why don’t you go steal him another one? Oh wait! You can’t! Because it was a one of a kind vase!” Cassandra said, pronouncing it as “vahz”.

Eileen snickered. “Of course you would call it ‘vahz’.”

“Doesn’t matter what I call it. It’s gonna be the first thing the king sees when he sits down for dinner tonight.” Cassandra said. 

“You just love humiliating me in front of the king, huh?” Eileen snapped.

“You don’t need my help to do that, Ellie.” Cassandra said.

“For Chrissake, I don’t know how many times we have to have this discussion, it’s Eileen!” Eileen snapped, not noticing Rapunzel leaving with a look of defeat and exhaustion. 

*** *** ***

“I still don’t think there’s a difference. Unless you’re using one to cook.” Stan said.

Eileen sighed. “A knife and a dagger are two very different weapons. And it would be badass to say you cooked using a dagger, actually.” 

She felt something nudge her feet, and glanced down to see Pascal drop a piece of paper at her feet. “What’s this?” She asked, but the lizard was already plodding away.

She picked it up, skimming it. “A note from Cassandra-if this is another eviction notice, I’m gonna lose it!” She shouted after Pascal, but Pascal pretended not to hear her. “She’s not allowed to do that! I checked!”

She glanced at the note again, and paused. “Huh,” She muttered. “This is new.”

*** *** ***

It was only after she had already entered the meeting place in the dungeon did she realize that no one would be able to hear her scream down here. She frowned.

“Just my luck. She kills me instead of apologizing.” Eileen muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Cassandra’s voice said from the dark corner of the cell, and Eileen jumped. “Did you just say I was going to apologize?”

“Well, duh,” Eileen said, holding up her note. “That’s what it says here.”

“I didn’t write you a note,” Cassandra said, holding up her own piece of paper. “You wrote me a note.”

Eileen blinked. “That’s...odd.”

The cell door suddenly slammed closed, and the two whirled around to see Rapunzel standing on the other side of the jail cell, twirling a set of keys around her fingers. 

“Uh,” Eileen said, feeling unsure. “What’s all this?”

“Time for the game to begin.” Rapunzel said.

“Game?” Cassandra asked. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t you see? I wrote the letters. They were merely a ruse to lure you down here.” Rapunzel said dramatically.

“That’s fraud. That’s fraud, right?” Eileen glanced at Cassandra and then shook her head. “Nevermind. Congratulations, you got us. Can we leave now?”

“Nope,” Rapunzel said. “I’m afraid your only way out is to work together, to solve a puzzle of my own design.”

“What puzzle?” Cassandra asked.

“Within these walls, you will find a series of strategically placed, increasingly difficult clues, each more unfathomably perplexing than the last,” Rapunzel said grandly. “Put them together, and you’re free to go. Fail? This prison cell will become your new home.” 

She grinned, starting to leave, and then paused, rushing back. “Oh, and I made you guys cookies!” She shoved a basket into Cassandra’s arms before rushing out. “Have fun!”

“Wait wait wait-” Eileen said desperately. But it was too late. Rapunzel was already gone, leaving her with Cassandra in a tiny, cold cell.

*** *** ***

“She won’t...actually leave us down here,” Eileen said. “I bet she’s back before sundown. And it’s...morning now…” She made a face, imagining spending all day with Cassandra. She grabbed a cookie from the basket, taking a bite.

“Can you stop talking? For even a minute?” Cassandra asked.

“And now why would I want to do that?” Eileen said.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to break your arm.” Cassandra threatened, yanking uselessly on the prison cell bars.

“That’s not very lady-in-waiting of you.” Eileen said. 

Cassandra glowered. “Did you eat all the cookies?!”

“Only your’s.” Eileen corrected.

Cassandra groaned, seeming to give up on the cell bars, stalking over to Eileen and yanking away the basket. “You’re nothing but a self-serving, inconsiderate, arrogant bitch!” She snapped.

“Ha!” Eileen said, moving away from Cassandra, because she did look close to violence. “I’d rattle off insults to describe your personality, but that would imply that you actually have one.” She pulled one of the cookies she had stuffed in her pocket out, preparing to take a bite.

“Wait wait wait don’t eat that!” Cassandra said, lunging forward and snatching it. 

“Fine, eat it, but it was just in my pocket.” Eileen said. Cassandra ignored her, looking around the cell intently. 

“Quick, let me see the others.” She said, stuffing her hands into Eileen’s pockets and taking out the rest before she could move away. She held up the cookies, examining them. Eileen paused, noticing the icing seemed to be writing.

“X6? Y15?” Cassandra read them aloud, confused. “I...I think these are coordinates for a grid. Rapunzel must have hidden the key behind a loose brick in the wall, and these cookies tell us which one!”

“So...do I still get to eat the cookies?” Eileen asked. 

Cassandra ignored her, feeling the cell wall bricks. She pulled one out, and then reached into the space behind, pulling out a little metal spring.

“That’s not a key.” Eileen said.

“Congrats, you can see,” Cassandra said, and then squinted into the space. “There’s more.” She reached in, grabbing a thin slip of paper. 

“It’s another clue,” She said. “‘This one is easy. Just follow my lead’.” She read aloud.

Follow her lead? How?” Cassandra said, turning back to Eileen. “She just locked us in here, it makes no sense.”

“Maybe…” Eileen said. “...that’s because it’s a heteronym.”

“A what?” Cassandra asked.

“You know, two words that are spelled the same but are pronounced differently with different meanings. Like ‘tear’ as in rip and ‘tear’ as in crying. So instead of lead…” She gestured grandly to a small pencil in the corner, which had drawn an arrow to a small crack in the wall where a metal gear had been shoved in. “We have pencil lead.”

“Hm.” Cassandra said, grabbing the gear.

“That’s it? Come on, that was pretty smart.” Eileen said.

Cassandra ignored her.

*** *** ***

It was funny, but once they had the first few clues, it seemed easier and easier to find the rest. Maybe it was like getting into the groove, but it felt like there were endless clues with no escape in sight. 

“‘This is your final clue,’” Cassandra read aloud from their latest find; a comb that had been hidden in a book. “‘So pick up the pace. You’ll find the last treasure in the same spot you find your face.’” 

“That’s…” Eileen trailed off. “Not clear.”

“The mirror!” Cassandra said. There had been a mirror hanging on the wall, but neither of them had paid much attention to it until now. 

Eileen grabbed it, turning it around to find a piece of cork taped to it. “Another useless item.” Cassandra said, looking at the small pile of seemingly random trinkets they had accumulated through the search. 

“Congrats,” Eileen said. “You discovered the royal junk drawer.” She sat back on one of the cots in the cell.

“Me?! You were part of this too!” Cassandra snapped. 

“Hey, don’t rope me into this!” Eileen said. “I was fine eating mysterious cookies until Rapunzel finally lets us out.”

“And that’s just like you, isn’t it?” Cassandra growled. “Sit back and let things fall right into your lap.”

Eileen turned to her. “And what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, you know exactly what it means!” Cassandra said. 

“Hey, Earlobe, Bowl Cut!” A raspy voice called out from the cell opposite to them. “Why don’t you two motherfuckers quiet down?!”

“Mind your own business.” Cassandra said. 

“Mind my own business.” He mocked, emerging from the shadows. He was a huge, burly man, and was grinning stupidly. “Is that some kind of comeback, bitch?”

Cassandra rushed to the front of the cell, but Eileen grabbed her arm. “Hey hey!” She said quickly. “Let me handle this.”

“Well, lookie here,” The man said. “Earlobe’s got something to say.”

Eileen chuckled. “Name calling? We’ve got to be better than that. Sure, we could sit here and make fun of each other. Tease Cassandra for her chronic joylessness-” She elbowed Cassandra, who glared but didn’t say anything.

“Me for my cool scars, or you,” She paused for a moment. “Or you for your subpar dental hygiene, robust body odor, and what were clearly some poor life decisions, seeing as you’re in prison now…” She trailed off. “But do you really want that?”

The man glared at her, grunted, and then retreated into the shadows of his cell.

Eileen grinned proudly at Cassandra, and to her surprise, the woman held a small smile of her own.

*** *** ***

“...some game huh?” Eileen said, lying back on her cot after having stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours.

“Yep.” Cassandra said.

There was a beat of quiet.

“So, Cass,” Eileen said. “Let me ask you something. What’s your deal?”

“What do you mean?” Cassandra asked.

“I mean, you know, other than the fact that you’re a horrible person who follows Rapunzel everywhere, I don’t know anything about you.” Eileen said.

“So?” Cassandra asked.

“So, as I see it, you always bully me about my past, so it’s only fair I get a little of my own ammunition,” Eileen said. “Also, I’m incredibly bored.”

“What do you wanna know?” Cassandra asked.

Eileen blinked, somewhat surprised that Cassandra didn’t shut her down. “Uh...I dunno? Hopes? Dreams?”

“Mhm,” Cassandra said. “I don’t have time for dreams.”

“That,” Eileen said. “Is pathetic. What’s that supposed to mean, you don’t have time for dreams?”

“My dad taught me to focus on the here and now when I was little.” Cassandra said. 

“Right,” Eileen shivered slightly. “Being raised by the captain of the guard must’ve been an interesting childhood.”

“He’s a good man, he taught me a lot,” Cassandra said immediately. “He showed me how to defend myself, how to take on responsibility, how to earn my keep.” 

“Besides,” She said in a slightly quieter voice. “I don’t remember my real parents, so I don’t have anything to compare him to anyway.”

“I don’t remember mine either,” Eileen said quietly. She chuckled slightly. “I used to imagine them as heroes, who were exploring the world for treasure. And once they found it, they’d come back for me. It’s...pretty silly. I know. I kinda gave that up after I got a little older.”

She glanced over at Cassandra, but couldn’t see her face. “What about you? Ever imagine what your parents were like?”

There was a beat of heavy silence.

“You know what?” Cassandra said. “I don’t want to discuss this with you, Ellie.”

“Okay, Christ,” Eileen said. “I’ll just shut up then.”

“Good.” Cassandra said, facing away from her.

That irritated Eileen, for some reason, and she sat up. “You know, everytime I start to think you have a redeemable quality, you squash it down.”

“Stop trying to pry into my life.” Cassandra said.

“I wasn’t prying,” Eileen said, and she suddenly stood up. “Wait, hang on-pry!” 

She dove to the ground, gathering up the materials. “We’re supposed to make a jack with this stuff to pry the door open!” 

Cassandra grinned, and they set to work.

*** *** ***

Eileen placed the spring in the hole. “Alright, that should do it.” She said.

Cassandra scooped it up, striding to the door. “Here, let me try.”

She placed the jack in the crack between the cell door, and Eileen jumped up. “No no, that’s too far! It needs more leverage.” She grabbed it, but Cassandra pulled back.

“I know what I’m doing!” She snapped. 

“No you don’t!”

“Cut it out!”

“You cut it out! The jack was my idea!”

“Ugh, ‘my idea’,” Cassandra snapped. “‘Me, me, me’. It’s always all about you!”

“Okay, let’s make it about you then!” Eileen snapped, putting her voice up into a high, mocking falsetto. “‘Hi, I’m Cassandra, and I can’t stand Eileen, because she’s smarter than me, stronger than me, and doesn’t use the word vahz!’”

“You’re making it all about you again!” Cassandra snapped.

The jack slipped, flying upwards and hitting the stone ceiling hard. It shattered into several pieces. “No!” Cassandra shouted, diving for the pieces, but it was too late. The pieces fell to the ground, slipping through a grate.

“Now look what you did!” Eileen snapped, kneeling next to the grate. 

“Me?! You were the one who started it!”

And they were at it again, unaware of their downstairs neighbors.

*** *** ***

Eileen was dozing, leaning against the cell door when it opened and she stumbled back. “Blondie, finally, I-fuck!” She leapt back.

The Stabbington brothers loomed above her, expressions of absolute hate on their face.

“Hello, Rider.” One said. 

“Fuck.” Eileen repeated, backing up.

The brother came into the cell, having to duck to fit in. “Friends of yours?” Cassandra asked, looking worried.

“Listen, guys, why don’t we put down that halberd-” Eileen felt sick, noticing the eyepatched brother held the axe, and it looked horribly sharp. “-and try to have a civilized discussion about this?”

He pointed the axe towards her, a sadistic smile on his face, but a shrill whistle made him pause. “The Stabbingtons have escaped!” A guard shouted, and the brothers looked at each other in irritation. 

“Guess we’re gonna need a couple human shields if we wanna get out of here.” Eyepatch said, grabbing Eileen’s arm and twisting it back, the other doing the same to Cassandra.

“Nice ear.” Eyepatch said quietly.

“Oh, fuck you. Nice eye.” Eileen snapped before she could stop herself. 

Eyepatch twisted her arm a little more, and Eileen winced, stumbling when he shoved her forward. They rounded a corner, running into several guards with crossbows pointed at them. “Hold it-” the captain said, but froze when he saw his daughter. “Cassandra!”

“Dad!” Cassandra said.

“Hm, Dad,” The brother holding Cassandra said. “I’d call off your men if you knew what was good for your precious daughter…” 

“I heard voices,” Rapunzel said, rushing in with what happened to be the world’s worst timing. “Did my plan work-Cass! Eileen! How did this happen?!”

“Stay back, Princess,” The captain said. “Guards! Lower your weapons!”

The guards looked unsure, but obeyed the order. The Stabbingtons shoved past.

“I-it’s alright, Blondie,” Eileen said, catching sight of Rapunzel’s stricken face. “I’m working on a plan.”

“Let’s hear it then, Ellie.” Cassandra said.

“You’re gonna start this now? Are you serious?!” Eileen hissed.

“Captain, they’re getting away.” Rapunzel said.

The Stabbingtons rounded a corner, and started sprinting, dragging their captives along with them into the tunnels. Eyepatch paused, hearing the guards still chasing them, and kicked a support beam.

“Hey hey, are you stupid?! Don’t do that!” Eileen shouted, leaning away as best she could when the beam collapsed, bringing a chunk of the ceiling down with it.

They were trapped.

The other brother with Cassandra laughed, dumping her roughly. “Time to get rid of the extra baggage.” He said, raising the halberd.

Eyepatch shook his head, a cruel smile on his face. “I’ve got a better idea.” He said, and he grabbed Eileen by the front of her shirt, lifting her up. “Let’s snuff out Rider, but keep the captain’s daughter as a bargaining chip.”

Eileen spat at him, and he threw her to the ground roughly, dropping the halberd and cracking his knuckles. “You’ll regret that.” He growled, and Eileen stood up quickly, moving back. She caught sight of another support beam, and glanced at Cassandra.

“Guys, you’re going about this all wrong.” She said, stepping back. They stepped forward with her, and ended up right underneath the beam.

“I’m the princess’ best friend. I come with a lot more _leverage_.” Eileen caught Cassandra’s eye, and Cassandra nodded, grabbing the halberd.

“It ain't about leverage with you, Rider,” Eyepatch said. “We’ve been waiting a long time for this.”

Cassandra set the halberd against the ceiling, and coughed. The brothers turned, and she kicked it out, knocking away the beam.

The ceiling began to crumble, and before the Stabbingtons could move, they had been knocked senseless and pinned by the beam. Eileen smiled, brushing dust off of herself. “That’s how to use a halberd.”

Something shiny caught her eye on the floor, and she knelt down, and nearly gasped. Her earring. They had kept it, as some kind of sick trophy. 

“Oh, you fuckers.” She muttered, picking it up. It was no worse for wear. “You motherfuckers.” She said, oddly furious. Here she thought the injury had been an accident.

“What’s that?” Cassandra asked. 

“Something important to me.” She said stiffly, pocketing the earring. The ceiling shifted, and Cassandra grabbed Eileen’s arm.

“Come on, we have to leave!” She said, sprinting away, but her path was blocked by more debris.

“Shit.” Eileen said.

“Hello?!” A voice above them said, and Eileen looked up to see Rapunzel looking down on them from a hole in the ceiling, a worried expression on her face. “Are you guys alright?”

“Blondie!” Eileen said, relieved. 

Rapunzel smiled, and tossed down her hair, pulling them out. It was dusk, and Eileen could hear crickets echoing across the countryside. “I’m so glad you’re both okay!” Rapunzel said, throwing her arms around them.

Eileen was thankful the darkness hid her expression.

“There they are.” Someone in the tunnels said, and Eileen glanced in to see guards surrounding the Stabbingtons. The captain looked up. “Cassandra! Are you okay?!” He asked.

“I am now.” She said.

The Stabbingtons were hauled to their feet, and Eileen snapped to get their attention. “Hey, hey.” She said, and they looked up at her, scowling.

“Missing something?” She held out her earring, enjoying their surprised looks. “What’s it like to keep losing, you ugly bastards? I wouldn’t know!”

“Eileen.” Rapunzel said.

“What? I’ve earned a little gloating.”

*** *** ***

“I am so sorry,” Rapunzel said the next day, walking next to Eileen. “I had no idea my game would lead to such a disaster. I really thought you guys would have fun.”

“You’ve had better ideas,” Eileen agreed. “But you don’t have to apologize.” She frowned, feeling incredibly guilty for only now just realizing the stressed and distraught look Rapunzel got every time she was tasked with peacekeeping.

“It must be hard with both of us going for each other’s throats all the time,” Eileen said. “So from now on-even though I have no idea why you put up with her-I’ll try to be nice to the dragon lady. I mean, Cassandra.”

“That was really hard for you, wasn’t it?” Rapunzel asked.

“You have no idea.” Eileen said.

Rapunzel paused at the door, inhaled, and exhaled. “You ready?” She asked Eileen.

Eileen nodded. “Yep. All I gotta do is tell the scariest guy in the world that I broke his vase. No problem,” She sighed. “He’s going to kill me.”

“My dad’s not gonna kill you,” Rapunzel said. “Hey, you do remember last month when the royal tailor accidentally tore his robe? He didn’t kill him. Of course,” Rapunzel said. “He does have a million of these robes, and only one vase-”

“Please stop.” Eileen said.

“Sorry.”

“Alright,” Eileen said, pushing open the doors before she could second guess herself. “I just gotta-”

She froze, seeing the king eating dinner with Cassandra beside him. The vase sat on the table, untouched.

Cassandra looked back, smiled, and shifted slightly.

She held a pot of glue behind her back.

*** *** ***

“Hey, do you have a second?” Eileen rushed up to her after dinner as she was clearing plates. 

“I guess.” Cassandra said, and Eileen took a breath.

“I just wanted to say that I really appreciate what you did.” Eileen said. 

“Well,” Cassandra said. “I figured if you got kicked out of the castle, Rapunzel would be all mopey, and that...sounds awful to be around.”

“So…” Eileen shifted on the balls of her feet. “Does this mean I can borrow your halberd?”

Cassandra glared.

“Alright, no fancy axe, fine, okay…” Eileen said. “But seriously. Thank you.”

Cassandra smiled, and then paused. “By the way, where is my halberd?”

“I don’t know.”

“You had it last.”

“I did not.”

Cassandra sighed. “Oh, here we go again…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to think in an au of this au that cassandra and eileen have the ultimate enemies to lovers story


	5. The Return of Strongbow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i won't lie...i forgot i owed yall a chapter for a second

“Fucking hell, I fucking knew it, I told you and you didn’t listen-” Lance said, following Flynn through the snowy forest.

“I heard you the first time!” She snapped, her long dark cloak flying behind her in the wind. “So the baron took our shit, and that ring I stole, and I really liked it, it was pretty, I got beat up with a book for it-”

“Quit mentioning that! No one cares!” Lance said.

“I care! Also, duck!” She dove to the ground, and Lance followed suit. Arrows breezed over them, and they heard the royal guard shouting, chasing after them. 

“Anyway, it doesn’t mean it’s my fault he double-crossed us.” Flynn said.

“But you should have expected it.” Lance said, grabbing her arm and hauling her up.

“Well, I didn’t! What do you fucking want from me?!” Flynn snapped, jumping when another arrow whizzed by her, just brushing her gold earring. “Fuck,” She gasped, starting to sprint again. “We’ll get him back.” She assured Lance, though she was mostly focused on not getting shot.

The two continued to run through the snow, and Flynn stumbled, only coming to a stop when she came to the edge of a snowy cliff. “Christ.” She muttered, looking down, only to see fog covering the bottom. 

The shouts got closer, and the two looked at each other.

“We’ve had worse.” Lance said.

Flynn grinned, a wild, chaotic gleam coming into her eye. “And we’ll have worse.”

Lance laughed.

And they jumped off.

*** *** ***

_Years later…_

“You know,” Eileen said, grabbing a sack of donated toys and setting it carefully in the caravan. “I know I talk a big game, but this is nice.”

Rapunzel giggled. “This toy drive for the orphanage was your idea.”

“Yeah, but you gotta be the face of it,” Eileen said, smiling when someone put a small teddy bear in the pile. “And anyway, this makes me feel like less of a class traitor.”

“You’re overthinking things,” Rapunzel said. “Just imagine how happy those kids are gonna be!”

“That’s nice too.” Eileen agreed, though she was mostly thinking about how beautiful Rapunzel looked when she got that look in her eye, when she knew she was helping someone.

Eileen glanced out and paused, catching sight of a tall figure, obscured by a dark cloak, but a big smile visible underneath it. She squinted, feeling deja vu, but she couldn’t place why. 

“Eileen?” Rapunzel asked, seeing her look. “Everything alright?”

“Huh?” She glanced at her, and then back. The figure was gone. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just…” she shook her head. “Nevermind. Let’s get this stuff out of here.”

She climbed onto the caravan, helping Rapunzel up. She clicked her tongue, and the horse started going forward. Rapunzel was smiling and talking happily, but Eileen couldn’t seem to shake that odd feeling.

“Everyone was so generous!” Rapunzel said excitedly, hopping off of the caravan when they reached their destination. “Look at all these toys and clothes!”

“Mhm.” Eileen said, still on edge, every fiber of her being ready to bolt. It was an uncomfortable feeling she hadn’t had in a while, and it reminded her too much of Flynn Rider.

Rapunzel glanced at her. “You sure you’re alright?”

A shadow passed quickly, just out of sight, and alarm bells went off in Eileen’s head. The feeling was undeniable, like a rabbit who could sense a predator just out of sight. She jumped up, going to Rapunzel. “We’re going back to the castle, now.” She said in a low voice, eyes darting around frantically.

“What? I-” She paused, looking at someone behind her, and Eileen followed her gaze. It was the same figure from earlier.

“Like I said, now.” Eileen said, trying to keep panic out of her voice, pushing Rapunzel along with her.

“Who’s that?” Rapunzel asked.

“Dunno. Don’t want to know, either.” Eileen said. She looked down to the end of the alley. There was the figure, still smiling.

“Shit-okay,” She grabbed Rapunzel’s arm. “We’re running now, okay?”

Rapunzel nodded, looking scared, and the two began to sprint. Eileen glanced back, and saw the figure following them, keeping up with ease. She fought down panic.

She rounded a corner and stopped short. Dead end.

Eileen looked around frantically, and shoved Rapunzel behind a crate just as the figure appeared. Eileen steadied herself, trying to stand up straight to look at least a little taller, though the figure had several inches on her. She drew her knife, pointing it. “Back off,” She growled. “Or things are gonna get real ugly.”

The figure stepped forward, and Eileen hoped that if it turned into a brawl Rapunzel would have the chance to escape-

The figure laughed, and Eileen stiffened, unable to believe it. She would know that laugh anywhere.

“Gotcha, Rider,” Lance Strongbow said, pulling down his hood. “You should’ve seen your-”

There was a crack, and Lance went down. Rapunzel was standing behind him, holding a large vase. “Ha!” She said. “Follow us, buddy?” She grinned at Eileen, and then paused. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I just did,” She said, acutely aware her voice was shaky and hating herself for it. She gestured to Lance, who was starting to get up. “Princess Rapunzel, meet Lance Strongbow.”

“Hi.” Lance said.

*** *** ***

“I absolutely did not slip, that’s a lie.” Eileen said, glaring at Lance as he told a story of one of their many escapades.

“Then how’d you end up on the ground?” Lance asked.

“I _didn’t_ , I never fell, you’re misremembering.” Eileen said.

“Did you hit your head?” Lance asked.

“Oh, that’s bold-” Eileen grinned, but Cassandra coughed.

“So, pray tell, how did two fine, upstanding citizens such as yourselves come across each other?” She asked, looking at Lance with open suspicion. 

“We didn’t meet on any sort of job, if that’s what you’re implying,” Eileen said. “We grew up together.”

“Yeah, we looked out for each other when no one else would.” Lance said, reaching out and yanking out Eileen’s half bun. She laughed and swatted his hand away. “In fact, you could say we’re the closest either of us ever had to a family.”

“Aw…” Rapunzel said, smiling widely.

“Don’t make it sappy.” Eileen said, pulling her hair back up, now slightly embarrassed. Pascal chittered at her, scolding.

“So, Lance Strongbow, if you guys are so tight, where have you been all these years?” Cassandra asked.

“Where have I been? More like, where haven’t I been?” Lance grinned, the way he always did when he was about to spin some fantastical tale. Eileen rolled her eyes and reached for her earring, like she always did when he lied big and grand-

But her fingers only met torn flesh.

“You were in prison, weren’t you?” Cassandra asked.

“Mostly, yes,” Lance said, and Eileen winced. “But right now, I’m not thinking about where I’ve been. I’m thinking about where I’m heading.”

Rapunzel opened her mouth, eyes shining, but Eileen laughed. “Oh, you are so full of shit.” She grinned.

“Literally,” Lance said. “I’m headed to the bathroom.”

“You’re gross.” Eileen said, still smiling as he left the room.

Cassandra nodded at a guard, and the guard nodded back, following Lance out.

“Hey, come on! He’s my friend!” Eileen said.

“Exactly what I’m worried about.” Cassandra said.

“Look, Lance might’ve struggled with sticky fingers in the past, but he’s our guest. He’s a good guy, and we don’t need to shadow him.” Eileen said. 

“I agree,” Rapunzel said, and Eileen relaxed at her support. “Lance is Eileen’s oldest friend. He wouldn’t take advantage of that.”

“Well, I don’t trust the guy,” Cassandra said. “I don’t know what he’s up to, but whatever it is, I don’t like it.”

“Look, Cassandra, I know you’d love nothing more than to see one of my old friends embarrass me, and I hate to disappoint you, but Lance is not up to anything.” Eileen snapped.

Cassandra huffed, and left the room. “Keep an eye on your jewelry.” She told Rapunzel.

Eileen rolled her eyes.

“I’ve never seen you so happy.” Rapunzel said.

Eileen glanced at her, confused. “What? I’m happy, like, all the time.”

“I mean, really happy,” Rapunzel said. “You always look a little sad. Or uncomfortable. And I get that…” She twiddled her fingers. “But...you just seem so happy to see Lance. I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Hm.” Eileen said, unsure about how she felt about the fact that Rapunzel saw through her so easily.

“See? You looked uncomfortable right now.” Rapunzel said.

“Because you called me out on it!”

*** *** ***  
“You’re fucking joking.” Eileen said.

“No!” Lance said, smile big and heedless of Eileen’s pale horror. “See, this job is foolproof. This guy I was in jail with stole this loot, hid it, and then just left it there! He’s gonna be in jail for the rest of his life, so he said I could have it! I even have a map.” He pulled out said map.

“That’s great,” Eileen said. “But I’m gonna have to pass.”

“What?” Lance asked, looking slightly confused.

“I don’t know if you heard me the first time, but I don’t do that shit anymore.” Eileen said.

“I don’t need a thief,” Lance said, punching her shoulder lightly. “I need a friend.”

“That’s manipulation.” Eileen frowned, crossing her arms.

“Come on,” Lance said. “You’ve got a great gig up here. Just help me get mine. It’ll be just like old times, Flynn.”

“Eileen.” She said stiffly. 

“Eileen?” Lance said, and laughed, not seeming to notice her jaw tighten. “Sure, whatever you say. Come on, this is probably the easiest thing we’ve ever pulled. And I need this.”

She sighed deeply, every single part of her warning her that this was a bad idea, and she should try to convince Lance to let it go before he got himself in trouble, possibly dragging her down with him.

But…

“I…” She paused, an uncomfortable pit forming in her stomach. “I suppose it is victimless…”

“Doesn’t get less victimful.” Lance elbowed her. 

“That’s not-Christ,” She dragged a hand down her face. “Fine. I’ll help you. But-!” She said quickly, seeing Lance’s grin. “You cannot breathe a word of this to anyone. Especially Cassandra.”

“My lips are sealed.” Lance said, still grinning.

Eileen sighed, ignoring her nerves. “And empty your pockets. I know good and damn well they’re full.”

Lance frowned, but obliged, taking out far more trinkets than should have been possible.

*** *** ***

Eileen stuffed various items into her satchel, trying to pretend that her adrenaline wasn’t from excitement. 

_I’m not going to have fun doing this,_ She told herself firmly. _This is a favor to Lance. And then I’m never going to think about this again._

And yet all the same, she checked over her supplies with ease, slipping her knife into her boot with too much instinct, practicing kicking up to pop it out. She hated how quickly it all came back to her.

“Hi, Eileen.” Rapunzel said, walking in, clueless.

“Blondie!” Eileen said, hoping her voice didn’t sound pitchy. “Hey, hello. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” She said, looking bright. “Just wanted to see what you were up to.”

“Hm,” Eileen shrugged. “Not much.”

“Okay, then.” Rapunzel said, flicking the satchel lazily. She hadn’t meant anything by it, of course, but it still filled Eileen with panic. “What’s Lance up to then?”

“Lance?” She smiled easily and shrugged. “Dunno. Honestly, probably taking sweets from the kitchen. I might join him.”

Rapunzel smiled, and Eileen felt a surge of hatred that she couldn’t quite decide was aimed at herself or Lance, because it was _so damn easy to lie to her face and it shouldn’t be-_

“Or sleeping,” Eileen added. “Why do you ask?

“Okay, well, heh,” She smiled, slightly guiltily. “You’re gonna think this is funny, I think it’s funny. Cass is concerned that Lance and you are up to no good. Crazy, right?”

“Everything that comes out of Cassandra’s mouth is crazy.” Eileen smiled. 

_Why is this so easy, it shouldn’t be-_

“I know, I know, it’s just…” Rapunzel paused. “I trust you, Eileen, obviously, but…” She sighed. “I would really hate it if she was right about Lance.”

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK-_

Eileen nearly broke and told her everything. Nearly.

“I know,” She said, smiling. “It’s fine. You don’t have to worry.”

Rapunzel smiled back, looking relieved. “Thank you,” She said. “Goodnight.”

“‘Night.” Eileen waved at her as she left, and the second the door closed, her face crumbled.

“Fuck.” She muttered.

“Psst!” She turned, seeing Lance’s face right outside her window. “I said pssst!”

“I heard you!” She hissed, grabbing her satchel. “Let’s...let’s just get this over with.”

*** *** ***

Lance yelped, ducking away from a large spider web. Eileen grinned in spite of herself. “You’re still scared of spiders?”

“Yes, I have acute arachnophobia.” Lance said grumpily, glancing back at her. 

“Big baby.” She muttered.

The stone tunnels Lance had dragged her into seemed to stretch for miles. She didn’t know why she had pictured the treasure being buried under a few feet of mud, but clearly that wasn’t the case. Lance wouldn’t have needed her for that.

“The treasure’s this way.” Lance said, gesturing with his dim lantern. 

“So,” Eileen said, pausing as a large rat dashed in front of her. “Did you only come back because you needed my help?”

Lance glanced back at her, looking confused. “What?”

“Nevermind,” Eileen said, not sure she wanted an answer. “Stupid question.”

They came upon a stone wall, and Eileen sighed in relief, though she tried to pass it off as disappointment. “Well, looks like this is it.”

Lance chuckled. “Nah, you’re just getting rusty.” He reached into his endless pocket and took out a golden candlestick.

“I told you to put that back-hey!” Eileen jumped back when Lance slammed the candlestick against the wall, and it cracked, light seeping through. A few more hits, and he had made a hole big enough for them to squeeze through. 

“Ta-da!” Lance said, crawling through and discarding the battered candlestick.

Eileen ducked after him and gasped. “What the hell?”

It was a huge room, nearly every square corner of it covered in jewels, gold, and other various valuables. “This...isn’t a cave,” Eileen said slowly, horror mounting. “This is a basement. We...Lance!”

She turned on him, furious. “This is someone’s house! You lied to me!”

“Now wait a minute,” Lance said, focusing on tossing items into a burlap bag, which only made Eileen angrier. “Lying is a strong word. Accurate, but strong.”

“Besides,” He said, moving to the next table of riches. “The only reason I lied to you is because you wouldn’t have agreed to do it otherwise.”

“You-” She clenched her fists. “You do realize how fucked up that is, right?!”

“Ooh, this is nice!” He held up a perfectly cut ruby. “Not really my style, but someone else would want it, right?”

“Was any of your story true?” Eileen asked.

“Well, there was an old inmate,” Lance said breezily. “He made me this map. And...that’s about it.”

“Oh my God,” Eileen said. “Oh my God. This can’t be happening.”

“Look, Flynn, we can spend all night trying to figure out who’s in the wrong here, but I don’t see what the big deal is,” Lance said, slinging the sack over his shoulder. “Lying’s what we grew up on. It’s what we did.”

“‘Did’, Lance! As in the past tense!” Eileen said desperately. “I don’t do that anymore!”

“Congrats. You want a medal? There’s plenty here to choose from.” Lance said shortly. 

“Just-” Eileen clenched her fists, and then forced herself to relax. “Let’s just get out of here, _Arnwaldo_.” She said, not bothering to hide the bitterness in her voice.

“Hey! The real name is low,” Lance said, and then smiled again. “Besides, don’t you at least wanna know whose basement this is?”

“No.” Eileen said.

“It’s the Baron’s.” Lance said in a singsong voice.

Eileen felt the blood drain from her face. “I am literally begging,” She said quietly. “For you to tell me that you’re joking.”

“You said we’d get him later.” Lance said.

“That was-” Eileen had to fight down a scream. “Lance, that was _years_ ago! We were stupid kids!”

“Exactly.” Lance said, smiling. Eileen wanted to sock him. “We’ve waited years for revenge. And I’m not leaving-” He opened a closet, but since he was looking at Eileen, he didn’t see the massive, hairy spiders inside. “Until we settle the score.”

He turned back, and slammed the closet closed. “And now the score is settled!” He decided.

“Fucking finally-” Eileen turned and froze, seeing two cronies kneeling in front of their tunnel. Lance and Eileen ducked on either side of the entryway, just out of sight.

“We gotta find another way out.” Eileen whispered.

Lance dove to her side, pushing her along. Eileen opened to the next door over, pretending she wasn’t unnerved by the blackness that greeted her. She sighed deeply, and ducked inside. 

Lance followed close behind, at least she assumed he did, as she couldn’t see him. She did hear him clearly, though. “Those are the shittiest, squeakiest boots I have ever heard in my entire damn life.” Eileen hissed.

“How do you know it’s not your shoes?” Lance asked.

“I just do!” Eileen snapped, squinting in the dim moonlight. 

Lance grabbed her shoulder, nudging her. “There’s a guard! Grab him!”

“What-” Eileen tripped when Lance shoved her aside, tackling an empty suit of armor. It clattered loudly to the ground.

“Shit shit shit-” She grabbed Lance’s arm, dragging him along. Her grip slipped, and she paused, in total darkness.

“Lance?” She asked nervously. She couldn’t hear anything. 

_He’s not just gonna leave me here...he can’t._

“Lance, where are you?” She whispered, trying to keep panic out of her voice. “Lance, this isn’t funny-”

“Guards!” She heard someone yell, and she bolted, only to slam right into someone, slip, and fall down what she assumed to be stone steps. They had to be stone, because it hurt like a bitch.

She looked up, and saw Lance, looking sheepish. “You owe me.” She growled, picking herself up, and sprinting for the gate, Lance right beside her.

And she hated, _hated_ how familiar it felt.

*** *** ***

“There’s more gold coins than I can count!” Lance said excitedly, sifting through the bag. 

Eileen stared at the ground, heart still racing from the near miss. “Fuck you.” She muttered.

Lance glanced at her. “What’s your problem?”

“My-” She sprang to her feet, unable to hold in her fury anymore. “You tricked me! You took advantage of my loyalty!”

“I didn’t take advantage,” Lance said. “More like borrowed. Here, you can have it back.” He held out his hand.

“Stop it,” Eileen said. “Stop it. This isn’t a game. You lied to me, and could have gotten us both thrown in jail, or worse!”

“Wow,” Lance said. “Money changed you. _Eileen.”_

“Shut the fuck up,” Eileen snapped, voice filled with pure venom. “Just stop it. I thought you came back because you cared about me. But I guess that was stupid, huh?”

Lance was quiet for a long moment, and then a strange look of realization crossed his face. “Oh…”

“What?” Eileen snapped.

“Oh, so...the princess...okay, I see.” Lance said.

Eileen felt like she was going to puke. “Lance, I swear to God, if you finish that thought, I’m going to snap your neck-” She felt dizzy. “You didn’t...oh Christ, tell me you didn’t tell anyone!” She hated how pleading her voice was.

“What?!” Lance looked offended. “Of course I didn’t! Why would you ever think that?!”

“I don’t know,” Eileen said. “Maybe because you completely lied and manipulated me tonight. Not exactly what trusting friends do.”

“So you do like her.” Lance said.

“I do not!” Eileen snapped, feeling trapped. She paused. “And even if I did,” She said, as if to solidify it to herself. “It doesn’t matter. We’re friends. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“Hmph.” Lance said.

“Shut it,” Eileen said. “And she’s a princess. Even if she liked me too, it wouldn’t matter. That’s...not a thing that princesses do. For Chrissake, I’m not even royalty.” She pursed her lips. “Not that it matters!” She added. “Because I don’t like her.”

Lance opened his mouth to argue, but a voice interrupted him. “Eileen! Lance?” Rapunzel’s voice called out.

“Fuck, oh fuck-” Eileen hissed, springing forward. She grabbed the sack of treasures, throwing it as far as she could into the forest. Lance glared at her, but thankfully seemed to decide it was a necessary action, as he didn’t argue.

Rapunzel emerged from the brush, followed by Cassandra. “What are you guys doing?” She asked.

“I-” Eileen said, oddly happy she couldn’t come up with a lie quick enough on the stop.

“Well, Ellie,” Cassandra said, leaning down and picking something up off of the ground. “I didn’t think you really wore jewelry.” She held out a small gold ring.

Eileen's mouth went dry. 

“In fact,” Cassandra said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear this very valuable ring. I don’t think it’s your’s.”

Rapunzel looked crushed. “Eileen, where did that ring come from?”

“I-” Eileen started, but Lance stood up.

“It’s from our orphanage,” He said. “Eileen and I were bequeathed it from our favorite nanny. A sweet little old woman we called Oldie.” He plucked the ring from Cassandra’s hands.

“Oldie was the closest thing we ever had to a mom,” Lance said dramatically, and Eileen stealthily elbowed him to cool it a bit. “So this ring is very special to us.”

“Aw.” Rapunzel said, looking more like she wanted to believe it than actually did. Cassandra just glared.

“When we left the orphanage, we hid it inside a big oak tree in these woods, not knowing entirely what to do with it.” Lance said.

Eileen paused, suddenly suspicious because this sounded suspiciously close to a romance plot she had read, and a moment of blind panic flashed through her because surely Lance wouldn’t reveal her right now, like this-

“And Eileen here,” Lance said, slapping Eileen on the back. “Was just telling me how much she thought you’d like this!”

“I-yeah!” Eileen nodded. “I mean, you wear purple all the time, so...I figured...purple ring…” She trailed off, shrugging. 

Apparently, her performance fueled by nerves came off as blasé and embarrassed, which seemed to convince Rapunzel. “Aw, Eileen!” Rapunzel smiled as Lance handed her the ring. She slipped it on, admiring it. “That’s so sweet! It’s so important, are you sure-?”

“I mean, it was just sitting there collecting dust. I figured you’d like it.” Eileen smiled, weak with relief. Cassandra still glared, but who cared about her opinion?

Rapunzel grabbed her arm, starting to pull her back to the castle. As soon as Cassandra turned away, Eileen shook her fist at Lance.

Lance merely laughed.

Eileen was stewing in guilt as they crossed the bridge, while Rapunzel glanced at the stars and back at the ring. “Oh, Eileen! Oldie must’ve been from Corona! See? It has our crest.” She held out her hand.

Eileen glanced at it, seeing the bright sun emblem. “Oh, that’s...a coincidence-”

“ _It’s the ring or the finger, lady,” Flynn said, waving her knife threateningly. “Give it up.”_

_The woman (noble, she assumed) glared at her, showing no fear, but took off the ring, dropping it to the ground. Flynn leaned in, grabbing it, and glanced up to give some sarcastic remark, but was met with a hard blow to her face._

_She stumbled back, startled. The woman had hit her with a book and had closed the carriage door, locking it. “Hey-” Flynn said, preparing to jump back, but that was when the Baron’s cronies had made off with their treasure and he snatched the ring from her. And then the guards arrived and-_

“Oh.” Eileen said, because there wasn’t much else she could say that wouldn’t give away the deep, awful dread the ring gave her.

She felt silly for never realizing it until now, but now it was unmistakable.

Flynn Rider had robbed and threatened Queen Arianna of Corona and stolen her ring.

The ring her daughter now wore cluelessly.

*** *** ***

“Wow, that's crazy.” Lance said lazily when Eileen relayed the story to him frantically.

“That’s...that’s all you can say?!” She paced, close to tearing her hair out. “We stole from the queen, the queen who is now letting me live here. If she sees the ring, she’ll know it’s me, and then I’m out on the streets. Or in jail. Or…” She gestured vaguely.

“You really think she’ll have you killed?” Lance asked.

“I did threaten to cut off her finger.” Eileen said weakly.

Lance chuckled, and Eileen glared at him. “It’s not funny! But if I ask Rapunzel for the ring back, she’ll know I lied to her and be devastated. And no matter what happens, Cassandra will have the satisfaction of being right!”

“That’s quite a situation.” Lance said.

“We gotta get that ring back.” Eileen said.

“Stealing from the princess?” Lance asked. “Let me know how that goes.”

“Come again?!” Eileen whirled around to him. “You’re helping me.”

“And defy the princess’ trust?” Lance asked, looking affronted. “And why would I do that?”

“Because first of all, you got us into this mess,” Eileen said in a low voice. “And second, if you don’t, I’m snitching.”

Lance looked startled. “And then you’d be in trouble too!”

Eileen leaned against the wall, glaring evenly at Lance. “Your move.”

*** *** ***

“I can’t believe you saved these masks.” Eileen whispered.

“Hey, they’re coming in handy now, aren’t they?” Lance asked, lighting a candle.

Eileen didn’t respond, tying the dark mask around her face with practiced ease. She frowned. It was all too familiar. 

She motioned for Lance to follow, creeping silently down the castle halls. She withdrew a hairpin, carefully picking the lock to Rapunzel’s room and opening the door. 

She slid in silently, creeping to the otherside of Rapunzel’s bed, silently cursing when she saw the princess was still wearing the ring. _Who wears a ring to bed?!_

She knelt down, trying to slide it off, but Rapunzel muttered something sleepily, yanking away. Eileen stepped back, her stomach knotting. Lance set the candle down on her nightstand, right next to the sleeping Pascal, and carefully lifted Rapunzel’s pillow up so her arm fell and Eileen had a better chance.

She grabbed the ring, and slipped it off. 

She sighed in relief.

There was a low _hiss_ , and a startled squeak. Eileen shot to her feet to see Pascal suddenly awake, hot wax from the candle having dripped onto his tail. “Sh-” Eileen said, reaching for him, but with the mask he didn’t recognize her, and squealed in alarm. 

Rapunzel’s eyes shot open.

“Run!” Lance said, but Eileen was already halfway out the door, cursing herself for ever getting involved in this when she had known from the start it was a bad idea. What was the goal? Helping Lance? An adrenaline rush? Finding something familiar? 

Lance slammed the door shut, and the handle of a frying pan burst through the wood, inches from his face. 

She turned a corner, skidding to a stop when Cassandra burst out with a sword, looking ready to slice her in half. Eileen backed up, but Lance smiled. “I got this one.” He said confidently, stepping forward.

“She’ll-you know what, go ahead.” Eileen said, feeling an odd satisfaction when Cassandra judo flipped Lance without struggle. If this was it, she at least wanted Lance to get his just desserts, at least a little.

Cassandra approached Eileen, and she stepped back, turning-

Only to meet the frying pan. 

She was flung back, conscious, but only just. Rapunzel stepped forward, a determined look on her face, and Eileen decided whatever consequences she faced were worth it if she didn't have to deal with the dreaded frying pan again. “Wait wait-!” She said, yanking off her mask.

Rapunzel looked shocked. But Cassandra only sighed, as though she had expected this all along.

*** *** ***

“I can’t believe you would do this!” Rapunzel said, furious. Eileen winced, touching the impressive lump on the edge of her forward. The guilt hurt much worse.

“Rapunzel…” Eileen said, unsure if she should speak. “I...I’m sorry.”

“If I may-” Lance said, but went quiet when Eileen looked at him.

“Can you-” She clenched her fists. “Shut the fuck? Just for a second? Don’t listen to him-”

“It’s my fault.” Lance said.

Eileen paused. 

“Look, I lied to Eileen. And to you, Princess. About everything.” He sighed, looking...remorseful? Eileen squinted, trying to tell if this was a ruse or not, but if it was, it was a damn good one.

“She was only trying to help a friend,” Lance said, and then glanced up at her. “Or someone who used to be her friend, I guess.”

He looked at Rapunzel. “I’m...I’m truly sorry.”

Eileen sighed. “I guess I have to come clean to your mom too, huh?”

“Eileen, what you did was deceitful, and by every right, yes, you should come clean to my mom,” She paused. “But…”

“There’s a ‘but’?” Cassandra asked incredulously.

“I can’t let you do that.” Rapunzel said.

Eileen blinked. “Pardon?”

“I...I don’t want you to leave,” Rapunzel said quietly. “And I can forgive you, but I’m not sure they will. So…” She sighed. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna sneak the ring back into my mom’s room-”

“Rapunzel,” Eileen said, interrupting her. “I...thank you, but I can’t let you do that. Lying, cheating, deception is how Flynn Rider did it. That’s how I _tried_ to do it tonight. And…” She sighed, hoping Rapunzel wouldn’t hate her for this admission. “And it was easy. But I hated it. I do hate it. I don’t...I don’t wanna be that anymore. I...I’d rather be Eileen Fitzherbert.”

Rapunzel smiled brightly, and Eileen’s heart melted a bit. 

“It’s how Oldie would have wanted it.” Lance said, and Eileen smiled in spite of herself.

*** *** ***

The queen examined the ring, and then looked back to Eileen, who was pretending to be fascinated with the carpet. 

“I appreciate your honesty and apology,” The queen said. “Though the robbery was many years ago, Eileen, it was, in all honesty, traumatic, and I’m not sure I can forgive you.”

_It’s the finger or the ring, lady. And Flynn had thought it was a funny line, as opposed to the sick threat it really was. She didn’t want to think about if she would have done it-_

“I understand,” Eileen said. “I do. I guess…” She sighed, forcing herself to look at the queen. “I just hope the king won’t banish me from Corona when he finds out.” _Or worse._

“Yes,” The queen said, slowly. “We shall see what the king decides.”

Eileen felt nauseous. But something in the queen’s eyes soothed her. A sort of silent agreement. A promise.

Eileen managed a small smile, nodded, and left the room.

*** *** ***

“So,” Eileen said, approaching Rapunzel at the lily pond. “I got you something. It’s not nice, and there’s no sweet story behind it-unless you count that the guy who sold it to me had something in his nose, I think it was alive-”

“Eileen.” Rapunzel said.

“Sorry, getting off track,” She took a breath, and handed Rapunzel a cheap, iron ring with a flower design on it. “Point is, I didn’t steal this.”

Rapunzel took it, looking thoughtful.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Eileen said. “That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do.”

Rapunzel smiled, and Eileen’s heart melted, for real this time. “Thank you.” Rapunzel said, slipping the ring on and staring at it with the same amount of admiration the old one had received.

Eileen frowned slightly. “I...don’t know if I’ll ever see Lance again.” She said slowly, feeling upset in spite of everything. Pascal climbed up her shoulder, nudging her gently. Eileen smiled.

“Do you think he meant it when he said he was sorry?” Rapunzel asked.

Eileen paused. “I…” She sighed. “I dunno. Some people never change.”

Rapunzel was quiet, and then perked up. “Oh! By the way, do you know a Mr. Schnitz?” 

“I-” Eileen blinked, surprised. “Arnwaldo Schnitz, that’s Lance-yeah, why?”

“Well,” Rapunzel said. “Mr. Schnitz just made a generous donation to the orphanage charity.”

“Really? How much?” Eileen asked.

“Oh...” Rapunzel said, mischief climbing into her eyes, and Eileen already knew the answer.

“About a stolen treasure’s worth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thus we welcome lance "i will fucking deck a homophobe" strongbow to the stage!!!! yay!!!!!


	6. In Like Flynn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're coming up on the important stuff soon omg
> 
> also once again, i'd like to remind everyone im skipping episodes that either have very little eugene or have little to no relevance to the plot/i dont like the episode
> 
> fun fact this makes season 2 hard to write for because season 2 is kinda ass except for a few REALLY good episodes and it has so much filler that you can't skip because there's like one important thing that happens at the end it's ridiculous

“The archway is a symbol of defense,” The king was telling Rapunzel. “We can’t decorate it. It’ll ruin the message.”

“What if you put lion statues up there?” Eileen suggested, sitting next to Rapunzel with her breakfast

She had managed a truce with the queen, but the king...it was a different story. He tolerated Eileen, but only just. Usually, she went out of her way to avoid him, but mealtimes with Rapunzel were generally a safe zone.

“Thank you, Eileen,” The king said dryly. “I’ll take those considerations under suggestion.”

 _Don’t need to be an ass about it,_ She thought, and shoveled food into her mouth before the comment could escape.

The safe zone was precarious, and talking was generally not welcome.

She kept forgetting that.

*** *** ***

“So like,” Eileen said, sitting on the floor. “Why do you think your dad hates me?”

“There’s a chair right there.” Rapunzel told her.

Eileen stretched out to prove a point. “There’s more room on the floor. Also, you didn’t answer my question.”

“My dad does not hate you.” Rapunzel said, and Cassandra laughed.

“For once, Ellie’s right,” She said. “He thinks you’re an idiot.”

“I don’t remember asking for your input.” Eileen said dryly.

As if on cue, a loud bell tolled, and Eileen sat up in surprise. Cassandra looked startled. “The emergency bell!” She said, running out, followed closely by Rapunzel and Eileen.

They ran to where the royal guard and family were gathered, and Eileen paused. “This...doesn’t seem like an emergency.” She whispered to Rapunzel.

The king’s statue had been defaced, someone having drawn cartoonishly over him to make it look like he was wearing heavy makeup, with a flower garland around his neck. There was a sign around his chest that read ‘EQUIS RULES!’ in big letters.

“Equis?” Rapunzel asked. “As in the kingdom next door, Equis?” Cassandra nodded in response, and Rapunzel turned to the guard captain. “What’s that got to do with my dad’s statue? Why’s it all messed up?”

“Your dad’s lifetime rival, King Trevor of Equis, likes to play pranks on him.” The captain whispered to her.

“By just drawing a face over Dad’s statue?” Rapunzel scoffed. “I can’t imagine any intelligent person finding this funny.”

Eileen quickly turned her snicker into a cough. “Allergies.” She said apologetically. 

The captain glared at her. “Anyway, King Trevor always manages to thoroughly embarrass your father.” He said. 

“I can hear you, captain,” The king said. “And yes, I am embarrassed. Embarrassed for him, really!” He scoffed. “The very idea of a grown man partaking in such infantile boobery!”

Eileen leaned over to Rapunzel. “I think your dad uses big words when he’s upset.”

Rapunzel glanced at Cassandra. “I still don’t get it.”

“I’ll explain later.” Cassandra assured her. 

“Trevor has been trying to lure me into partaking in his shenanigans since our youth,” The king scowled. “Well, I won’t partake!”

The king glared at the statue. “Do you hear me, Trevor?! I won’t partake!” He shook his fist at the statue. 

*** *** ***

“I thought you said you wouldn’t partake,” Eileen said, looking suspiciously at the king. “You were really adamant about it. There was fist shaking and everything.”

The king sighed, looking frustrated. “I know, I know. But this has gone on long enough. I need to strike back.”

“Alright, cool,” Eileen said, glancing around at the guards in the throne room. “So...good luck?”

“Oh, no, I wasn’t clear,” He said. “Only one person has ever been able to get past Equis’ defenses, and that person…”

“I-oh. Right. I...did that…” Eileen said slowly, suddenly realizing she had admitted to a crime. “Wait, so-”

“I need you to break in, and steal the Seal of Equis.” The king said.

Eileen blinked, looking around again at the guards. “Er...Your Majesty, is this some kind of trick question?”

The king looked at her, and Eileen twisted her shirtsleeve nervously. “I-I just, you know. This seems a little...out of character.” She said carefully.

“Are you able to do it?” The king asked.

“I-yeah. Yeah, I can.” She said.

The king nodded. “We’ll do it tonight then.”

“Alright,” Eileen said, still feeling a bit unsure. “Tonight.”

*** *** ***

“He asked you to steal something?” Rapunzel asked, looking skeptical.

“Look, I’m just as surprised as you are,” Eileen said. “But think about it. If I pull this off, maybe he’ll begin to tolerate me more! Hell, he might even start to like me.”

“I dunno,” Rapunzel said, flipping through a book. “Equis is famous for their security. They’ve got over a thousand royal guards on duty at any given time!”

“I don’t envy their kingdom’s taxes. Damn.” Eileen said.

“Be serious.” Rapunzel said. 

“I am. Worst comes to worst, I get a slap on the wrist and am a little embarrassed. This is a royal prank, so that’s like...legal, right?” She said, and Rapunzel pursed her lips. 

“Well,” She said finally. “If you’re so set, I’m coming with you. I’m great at surprises.”

Eileen made a face. “Sorry, Blondie. This is the kind of job where more than one person attracts attention. Even I’m gonna have a challenge with this one.”

Rapunzel frowned, and Eileen smiled, pushing her playfully. “Don’t worry. I’ll be in and out before anyone even knows I’m there.”

*** *** ***

“Wait, you’re coming too?” Eileen asked, running into the king, who was now clad completely in black.

“I said ‘we’ were going .” The king said.

“I thought you meant, like...the royal we.” Eileen said helplessly.

“Well, it’s not,” The king said, and his look turned steely. “I must witness Trevor’s humiliation first hand!”

“Well…” Eileen gulped. “I was kind of under the impression you wanted me to do this alone. Not that I wouldn’t love to have you along!” She said quickly. “Just...don’t you have like, kingly stuff to do?”

“This is a matter of national pride, Eileen,” The king said. “Of course it’s important.”

“Right, of course,” Eileen said, biting back a curse. “How silly of me.”

*** *** ***

Eileen squinted through her telescope, taking stock of the guards in front of Equis. They still had those silly, frilly uniforms. “So, Your Majesty,” She said, turning to face the king. “I’ve drawn up this map based on how I got into Castle Equis before to show you how this is gonna go down.”

She pointed. “All we need to do is to borrow a couple of uniforms, and waltz right through the front door.” She grinned at the king, pleased.

He stared at her map for a long moment. “We’re not doing that.”

Eileen felt her smile tighten. 

“Eileen, as king, I’ve received top military training,” He said. “After studying this map, I can say with certainty that what is required here is stealthy ingress.”

He pointed at the map. “And that is the perfect spot to do it!”

“The northeast tower,” Eileen said, a vague irritation uncurling in her chest. “The heavily guarded, impossibly fortified, northeast tower.”

“No one will expect it.” The king said.

 _Because they don’t expect anyone to be that dumb,_ Eileen thought. But she didn’t say anything.

*** *** ***

The king poked his head out of a carefully manicured bush. “All is clear!” He told Eileen. “Just follow my lead.”

He lifted the bush up, starting to walk carefully across the green. Eileen bit back a sigh, and followed. She glanced to the side, and saw the door to the outhouse start to open. “Your Highness!” She hissed, dropping down.

The king didn’t seem to hear her, marching forward. A man exited the outhouse, and paused, watching the bush slowly march across the lawn. He followed, grabbing an axe and raising it high. 

Eileen lunged, grabbing him and knocking his head hard against a rock. The guard went still, and Eileen breathed a sigh of relief. She stole the shirt and pants, yanking them on, though they were a bit short on her. She snatched the man’s hat and axe, rushing after the king to stop him from continuing his journey as a platoon of guards marched towards them.

She yanked a horse in front of the king’s still marching bush, stuffing her loose hair into the hat. “Fellow guards.” She said, trying to deepen her voice and sound as nonchalant as possible. They looked her way strangely, but continued on.

The king bumped into the opposite wall, and rose from the bush. “There! See? Easy.” He glanced back at her, and sighed as though disappointed.

“Eileen, I thought I said guard uniforms were unnecessary.” He said. He waved for her to follow. “Come on! No time to waste!”

“Don’t snap at the king. Don’t curse at the king. In general, try not to talk to the king…” Eileen muttered to herself, following.

*** *** ***

For his credit, the king was able to scale the Equis wall with little difficulty. 

Of course, just as she thought that, he kicked at loose rock in her face, and she jerked. “Ow!”

“Sh!” The king scolded. “Quiet, Eileen.”

Eileen gritted her teeth, biting back a slew of curses. 

She pulled herself through the window, rubbing the new welt on her cheek. She peeked around the corner, seeing two guards walk into another room. “Okay,” She said. “Just follow my lead-” She turned back to see the king was rolling over in an attempt to do a somersault across the hall. He landed flat on his back and grunted.

“Oh my God.” Eileen said before she could stop herself, but luckily the king didn’t seem to hear. She heard the guard coming back, and she quickly grabbed a few scraps from her pocket, tossing them back behind the guards. They clinked loudly, and the guards turned back to investigate.

The king smiled widely at Eileen and gave her a thumbs up. “They didn’t spot me!”

Eileen gave a strained smile and thumbs up back, following the king through the halls. _This is for Rapunzel, this is for Rapunzel, this is for Rapunzel-_

*** *** ***

Finally, they came upon a massive, decorative door. “Ah,” The king said, sounding pleased. “The royal seal room. How do you like that, Eileen? Told you!” He slapped her good-naturedly on the back, but she stumbled forward. 

“Flawless plan.” He chuckled.

“Flawless.” Eileen agreed dully, retrieving a hairpin, quickly picking the lock. The door swung open, revealing a dim room with a curtain concealing something on the other side. 

The king started down the hall before Eileen could even consider checking for booby traps. “Behind that curtain is the Royal Seal of Equis.” The king said excitedly. He pulled the curtain aside-

Something honked loudly, and Eileen jumped back. “Shit!” 

The king looked at her disapprovingly, but Eileen didn’t see it. “I...Your Majesty, that’s a seal.”

A fat grey seal donned in a crown and collar lounged lazily on a pile of pillows. It honked again, as if scolding Eileen for her language. 

“Yes, it is,” The king said. “We’re stealing the Royal Seal of Equis.”

“This is a seal seal! Not a royal seal!” Eileen hissed.

“It is a seal seal owned by a king. Thus, a royal seal.” The king said.

“Oh my God,” Eileen said, dragging a hand down her face, dangerously close to insulting the king. “Oh my God-you know what?! Fine, whatever.” 

She marched around to the other side of the seal. “I’ll just grab this end, and you grab yours.” She pushed the seal, but it just looked at her with a bored expression.

The king was over at a portrait of the Equis ruler, holding a chunk of charcoal. “What are you doing?!” Eileen asked.

“Leaving a calling card so Trevor knows it was I who did this.” The king said grandly. He turned, looking at the portrait. “What should I paint, hm? Eyepatch? Stink lines? Perhaps a tear, representing his imminent humiliation at being bested by me.”

“No!” Eileen said. “No, no painting! We should go now!”

The seal started barking mournfully, and loudly. She could hear guards running down the hall towards them. “Christ.” Eileen said, running a hand down her face. She looked up, and sighed. “I’m gonna need your grappling hook.” She told the king. 

How she managed to get herself, the king, and that damn seal up in the light fixture without pulling her arms out of her sockets, she would likely never know. The guards burst into the room, looking shocked by the absence of a seal.

“You’re the expert,” The king whispered to her. “What are we going to do now?”

“Oh, now I’m the expert,” Eileen said bitterly. “What, you think I can just teleport us out of here?”

“I assume you have some kind of escape plan,” The king said. “I would have hoped you planned that far ahead.”

“I had a plan, but we already ditched it! Also, we have an actual seal!” Eileen said, and froze when the light fixture suddenly tilted. 

It broke off suddenly, and Eileen shrieked as they rocketed towards the ground and landed roughly. Glass flew everywhere, and Eileen couldn’t believe she hadn’t broken a limb.

The relief was short lived, however, when she found herself surrounded by guards, all of their weapons aimed at her and the king. 

*** *** ***

“Well,” The king said as the guard locked them in a prison cell. “This prank has gone horribly awry.”

Eileen sighed deeply, leaning her head against the cell bars. “Listen, I’m sorry I snapped at you,” She said. “I just…” She sighed, turning away. “This prank was my chance to, you know, maybe get on better terms with you.” She leaned against the wall, sliding down.

“Better terms?” The king asked, looking confused. 

“Yeah,” Eileen said, tossing a stone across the cell. “And I was getting frustrated when I wasn’t able to do that.” She sighed, looking away. “I know. It’s stupid.”

She heard the king sit down next to her. “Eileen,” He said slowly. “You brought my daughter back to me after eighteen long years. And for that, I’m eternally grateful. And I’m sorry if I’ve made it seem like I hold a distaste for you.”

Eileen blinked. “I...wow. Thank you, Your Majesty,” She frowned. “Can I ask-why didn’t you listen to any of my ideas?”

“Well…” He paused. “I suppose I have failed to take your ideas into consideration. I can be a bit stubborn, I suppose. I should have listened to you.”

“What you should have done,” A nasally voice said. “Was stay in your own kingdom, Frederic!”

Eileen glanced out, and burst out laughing before she could stop herself.

There was a short blonde man standing there, with an oversized crown, puffy maroon pants and a frilly cape. He was dragging the seal on a leash.

He glared at Eileen. “What’s so funny?!”

“N-nothing.” Eileen wheezed, covering her mouth, body shaking with silent laughter.

“Trevor.” The kind said, standing up and glaring.

“Your efforts to abscond my sweet Trevor Jr. were comical at best.” He said grandly.

“Your seal looks miserable.” Eileen grinned.

“Of course he is!” Trevor said, hugging the seal. “He’s traumatized by what you did to him!”

“But not by being on a leash?” Eileen asked.

“All right, Trevor, you’ve had your laughs,” The king said. “Now release us.”

“Oh, I’ll let you go,” Trevor said. “But not until I parade you through town in nothing but a jester’s hat, proving once again that Equis is superior to Corona!”

“I feel like this is going a bit too far,” Eileen said carefully. “Does anything else think that?”

“For now, I’ll leave you here, to wallow in the stench of your own defeat!” Trevor turned grandly, dragging the seal out.

The king sighed deeply. “Once again, he’s shown himself to be the superior prankster.”

“Accomplished? His prank wasn’t even funny!” Eileen lied. 

“Hm, that’s true,” The king mused, scratching his beard. “His pranks are often more grating than they are humorous.”

“Grating-hey!” She grinned, sliding over to the grate on the floor and yanking it up.

“What are you doing?” The king asked.

“Getting us out of here. But,” She glanced back at him. “Are you willing to try it my way?”

*** *** ***

“Oh no, Your Majesty, you can’t escape that way!” Eileen said loudly, biting back a smile when guards rushed into the room.

“Guys!” She said, motioning to the open grate on the floor. “The king escaped! And without me! I don’t know if I’m impressed or insulted, you know?”

The guards burst into, staring down the grate. “Oh, King Trevor’s gonna have our necks for this.” One muttered.

“Lose something?” The king asked, and swung down on them.

*** *** ***

“Just keep your head down,” Eileen whispered to the king, now clad in a guard uniform. “It’ll be fine.”

They turned a corner, and then Eileen yanked the king back, seeing Trevor coming down the hall with his seal. “Quickly,” The king said. “If we go back the way we came, he might not see us.”

Eileen was quiet for a long moment. “Wait…” She squinted down the hall and grinned. “Follow my lead.”

She rushed down the hall, trying to open the door. As she expected, it was locked. “You!” Trevor said, spotting them immediately. “Haven’t you learned your lesson?!”

Eileen fought a smile, turning around with her hands up. “Alright, you got us.” She elbowed the king, and his hands went up as well.

“Right!” He said. “We just wanted to pull a prank to make this all worth it.”

Trevor scoffed. “And what were you going to do, pray tell?”

“We-well,” Eileen said. “I was going to run into the library and just sort of throw books around. I’m sure your bookkeepers hate that.”

“That-” Trevor shook his head. “Is the worst prank I ever heard! And in true Coronan fashion, you would have failed! Again!”

“Well, I’m not Coronan, so…” Eileen trailed off, smiling.

“I’ve had enough of your attitude!” Trevor snapped at her. “And that’s the real door to the library.” He pointed at the door adjacent to her.

“Uh, no,” Eileen said. “No it’s not…” She pulled out her map, pretending to examine it. “I’m pretty sure this is the door to the library.”

“You idiot! This is my castle!” Trevor snapped. 

“That just makes it embarrassing that you don’t know where the library is.” Eileen said.

“I’ll prove it.” Trevor said, unlocking the door and opening it up. He stepped inside. “You see-” A trapdoor under him opened up, and he disappeared with a scream.

She knelt down. “Oh, that’s pretty bad. Forgot about your own world famous security.”

The king laughed. “Well played, Eileen, well played!”

“Let me up, Frederic!” Trevor’s voice echoed. “There’s spiders-ONE JUST TOUCHED ME!”

The seal barked happily. “Trevor Jr, are you barking?! Those had better be barks of sorrow!”

“Would you look at that,” The king mused. “I’ve finally humiliated Trevor!”

Eileen smiled. “Your Majesty, we haven’t even started humiliating the guy.”

*** *** ***

“Oh, that’s new.” Eileen said the next morning, looking at the castle walls.

The walls had been covered with beautiful, vaguely abstract paintings with the distinctive art style Eileen had come to know and love. 

Rapunzel sprinted out, grinning wildly. “Gotcha, Dad!” She laughed. “Oh man, you should see the look on your face right now!”

The king sighed. “Well...I suppose it’s fine. As long as you girls repaint the archway.” He nodded at Cassandra, who looked surprised to be included on cleaning duty.

Eileen sighed, picking up a paint bucket. “Look how nice I am,” She said. “Still helping despite being out all night.”

“Did you get the seal?” Rapunzel asked.

“Nope,” Eileen said. “Turns out the seal is an actual seal. Like an animal. So that fell apart pretty quickly.”

“So it was a bust.” Cassandra said.

Eileen smiled, the image of Trevor tied to his own statue in nothing but his pajamas springing to mind. The addition of the sign that read ‘CORONA RULES!’ had been the king’s idea, and a nice twist of irony.

“We-well,” Eileen said, starting to paint. “I wouldn’t call it a bust, either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isnt a great episode but it was really funny ngl. the seal joke hits for some reason
> 
> also eileen be like 'haha no one knows im gay' and then has the audacity to sit on the ground like a fucking lesbian gremlin


	7. Under Raps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was today years old when i realized that mother gothel is based in antisemetic tropes  
> i mean, obviously tangled isnt anti semetic, but its crazy how normalized this is in the media, and when you start looking for those tropes, theyre everywhere, and most people dont even realize how bad they are  
> a lesson in awareness i guess :(

“So,” Eileen said. “Let me get this straight. This holiday, Day of Hearts, is here because one of your kings fell in love with a Saporian general despite the, being enemies?”

Rapunzel sighed. “Isn’t it romantic?”

Eileen grinned. “Kind of silly to just get married, especially when you’re war enemies...what did the rest of the army think? I’d be kinda pissed if it were me.”

“That’s not the point,” Rapunzel scolded. “It’s about true love winning out, even if it comes where you never expect it.”

“Can you imagine,” Eileen said, still smiling. “You get this fancy journal, expecting to find all the secrets of your enemy kingdom’s secret tunnels, and instead you find out your enemy caught feelings.”

“It’s sweet!” Rapunzel said. 

“Whatever you say.” Eileen relented, watching the king and queen carry said book out onto the stand for display. They signed their names in the book, evidently a sign they had declared true love for each other, and kissed.

Rapunzel smiled widely, and Eileen thought she did a good job at not looking jealous. 

“Hm.” Cassandra said, looking unimpressed.

“Oh, come on! Don’t either of you care about romance?” Rapunzel said.

“No.” Both said at the same time.

“And furthermore,” Cassandra added, ducking away from the paper hearts the crowd was throwing. “This holiday is a waste of time, and all it results in is a mess of paper hearts that I have to clean up.”

She stormed out, and Rapunzel pursed her lips. “I’m a little worried about Cass. She’s been acting kinda weird lately.”

“Miserable and angry?” Eileen tilted her head. “I dunno. Seems pretty on par for her.”

“Maybe it’s the Day of Hearts.” Rapunzel mused.

“Maybe,” Eileen said. “The knowledge that she’s going to die alone must be miserable.”

_That’s rich coming from you, Fitzherbert._

Rapunzel rolled her eyes, walking in step with Eileen as the crowd dispersed. “So…” Rapunzel said, voice teasing. “Eileen. Any special someone in your life?”

“Nah,” Eileen said, once again pleased with the nonchalance in her voice. “Too tall for romance.”

Rapunzel pushed her playfully. “You are not. Don’t be ridiculous, that’s a silly reason.”

“It’s true. Men are intimidated by anyone taller than them, and I’m six feet. That’s why everyone loves you, Blondie. You're short.” Eileen said. 

“I am not short.” Rapunzel said.

Eileen leaned on her, elbow on top of her head. “A shrimp.” She declared.

Rapunzel laughed and shoved her off. “You’re insufferable.”

“I try.” Eileen bowed.

Rapunzel giggled again. “I should keep an eye on Cass…” She trailed off. “Maybe I just need to make her feel special!”

“Do whatever you want,” Eileen shrugged. “Just don’t get your hopes up.”

*** *** ***

“EILEEN!” Rapunzel practically broke the door down, and Eileen jumped.

“Christ, learn to knock!” She said, clutching her chest.

Rapunzel grabbed her arm, dragging her back to her own room and out onto the balcony. She shoved a telescope into Eileen’s hands. “Look there!” She pointed.

Eileen obliged, looking through. Cassandra was there, talking happily to a tall, muscular man with long dark hair tied back in a bun and a beard. “Who’s that?” She asked.

“Cass’ boyfriend! Andrew!” Rapunzel said.

“Wait, seriously?!” Eileen focused the telescope, seeing Cassandra laugh at something this Andrew said. “You’re kidding.” Frankly, she had thought that...well, she had thought that Cassandra had been a little more like her.

“I know!” Rapunzel said, voice pitched with excitement. “At first, I thought she was upset, and I did everything I could think of to make her feel better. I had lunch with her, wrote her notes, I even drew your face on one of her practice dummies-”

“Now hang on-” Eileen said, but Rapunzel was on a roll.

“And she said she’d come to me when she was ready, but, well, I just couldn’t wait, so I followed her, saw her with Andrew, and here we are!” Rapunzel smiled.

“Damn.” Eileen said.

“He’s pretty handsome, don’t you think?” Rapunzel said.

“I guess.” Eileen lied.

“Oh oh!” Rapunzel nearly jumped up and down. “What if we all became best friends?! Then when we all have dates we can do cute couple-y stuff!”

“No offense,” Eileen said, putting down the telescope. “But I would rather die than go on a double date with Cassandra.”

“I think she’s still a little shy about this.” Rapunzel said.

“Rapunzel, Cassandra is a lot of things-mostly a bitch-but she’s not shy,” She handed her back the telescope. “Didn’t you say you followed her?”

Rapunzel shuffled.

“I think you should just leave her alone with it. Let her handle this herself, you know?” Eileen said.

“I agree. To a point.” Rapunzel said.

“Er,” Eileen said. “And what point might that be?”

“We should have dinner with them so you can meet Andrew too!” Rapunzel said.

“We should not.” Eileen said.

*** *** ***

Eileen poked her food and glanced at Cassandra. For once, they were completely on the same page: uncomfortable and wishing they were anywhere else but here.

“So Andrew,” Eileen said, desperate to break the silence. “I hear you’re going steady with our Cassandra.”

“We’re not going steady.” Cassandra said, staring Eileen down.

Eileen smiled slightly. “But you are interested, right? Just want things to be clear. Is she blackmailing you? Blink twice if yes-ow!” She glared at Rapunzel, who was doing a good job pretending that she hadn’t just stomped on her foot.

“So, Andrew,” Rapunzel said, trying to start a new conversation. “Tell us everything. How did you and Cassandra meet?”

“You see, I’m somewhat of a bibliophile,” Andrew said, and Eileen pretended to know what that meant. “And I simply had to see King Herz De Sonne’s book. As an anthropologist, a historian, and as a mere amatuer chirographist, it’s been my dream.”

Eileen really only knew who Herz De Sonne was, the king who had fallen in love with the Saporian general, but she was still quiet, not wanting to look silly. 

“Anyway, I sent the Captain of the Guards many letters requesting an opportunity to study the book up close.” Andrew said.

“But my dad asked me to send a letter rejecting his request, for security reasons,” Cassandra said. “So instead, I invited him to come see the book on the Day of Hearts, when it’s available to the public.”

“And our letters continued, and…” Andrew chuckled. “Cassie and I got to know each other very well.”

Eileen resisted asking ‘How well?’

“That’s so cute!” Rapunzel said. “Yeah, our Cassie is quite the catch. You know, she’s the most skilled fighter for miles around.”

Cassandra glared, and kicked the table so hard the plates bounced. “Oh, really?” Andrew asked, looking surprised.

“And on that note,” Cassandra said. “I think we should call it a night! Andrew has to fly back home in the morning-”

“Sorry, wait-” Eileen sat up straight, finally paying attention. “Did you say fly?”

*** *** ***

Eileen had never been in a hot air balloon before, and she never wanted to again. 

She gripped the side of the wicker basket tightly, unsure where to look. Down was a no-no, of course, but looking straight ahead just revealed the endless horizon that gave her vertigo. And looking up just led her to stare straight into the flame that burned her eyes.

Rapunzel leaned over far, fascinated, and Eileen resisted the urge to pull her back in.

“Ballooning is one of my passions,” Andrew said. “What better way to see nature’s gifts than from a bird’s perspective? Besides, I don’t condone modes of transportation that exploit animals.”

He glanced at Eileen and smiled. “You alright there…” He trailed off. “I’m so sorry, I believe...Ellie, right?”

“Ha!” Eileen managed to say. “No, definitely not Ellie. Eileen.”

“Cassandra said your name was Ellie.” Andrew said.

“Well, she’s wrong,” Eileen said, deciding staring at the wicker bottom of the balloon was her best best. “And I’m fine.” She said, suddenly realizing the wicker basket wasn’t a safe space to look either because now she was imagining the bottom just giving out.

Rapunzel leaned over to Eileen. “Cass wants some alone time with Andrew. I think we’re about to go down.”

“Oh thank God.” Eileen breathed out.

Rapunzel quirked her eyebrow. “Are you scared of heights?”

“No,” Eileen said defensively. “I just see no reason to be up so high in a literal picnic basket.”

“You’ve never been scared of heights before,” Rapunzel said. “You got into my tower no problem.”

“Your tower didn’t swing.” Eileen said. 

Andrew leaned over the side of the basket, dropping sandbags to weigh them down. A necklace that had been hidden under his shirt slipped out, and Rapunzel paused. “That necklace is beautiful,” She said. “May I see?”

Cassandra glared, but Andrew complied, slipping off the necklace and handing it to Rapunzel. She opened the locket, revealing a small white insignia on a red background that looked vaguely like a helmet. “It’s been in my family for decades,” Andrew said. “It means ‘Love is true inner wealth’.” 

_Sappy,_ Eileen thought, but didn’t trust her voice not to sound pitchy.

The balloon tilted, and Eileen nearly screamed. Rapunzel stumbled, and the locket fell out of her hands and into a thorny bush. She gasped. “Don’t worry!” She said. “Eileen and I will find it. You guys go finish your date.”

“We will?!” Eileen asked. 

*** *** ***

“I feel terrible about this,” Rapunzel said, struggling to find her way through the thorns. “I know I came on a little strong, but I’m really happy for Cass.”

“That makes one of us.” Eileen said, wincing when thorns brushed against her.

“Eileen,” Rapunzel said. “You could have been nicer.”

“I didn’t do anything I don’t usually do. I always bug Cassandra. It’s our thing.” Eileen said.

“Yeah, but she was on a date!” Rapunzel asked. “I’m just saying that you could have at least pretended.”

“Pretended what? That I care about her stupid date-ow, dammit!” She yanked her leg back, ignoring the sharp pain.

“Yes!” Rapunzel said. “You and Cass both have this weird thing about romance, and I get that Cass is just a more private person, but you’re just mean about it.”

“I’m not discussing my romantic life with you,” Eileen said, feeling oddly panicky. “Especially not when we’re in a thorn bush.”

“I’m just saying-” 

“Well, then stop saying. It’s none of your business.”

“I just want you to be happy. Don’t you want someone? At least at some point?”

“I never thought about it.” Eileen said, refusing to look at Rapunzel because she knew if she did, it would be all over.

Rapunzel scoffed. “Well, I know that’s a lie.”

“It doesn’t matter if it is,” Eileen snapped. “I don’t want to talk about it. End of story.”

“I-” She paused. “There it is!” She pointed to the locket hanging not far from them. Pascal leapt off her shoulder, scuttling up to the locket. He shot out his tongue, grabbing it, and returned to Rapunzel.

She took it and frowned. “It’s broken.” The top part of the locket dangled loosely.

Eileen sighed. “Great. More errands.”

*** *** ***

“Xavier, I can’t thank you enough for getting out of bed to do this.” Rapunzel said, watching the old blacksmith fix the locket with practiced ease.

“It’s my pleasure,” He said, wiping his hands. “I’m just surprised that you would want to fix something like this.”

“But why?” Rapunzel asked. “It’s so sweet. It means, ‘Love is true inner wealth’.” 

“Sappy.” Eileen said, because now she was on the ground. Rapunzel glared at her.

Xavier snorted. “Whoever told you that was lying. This is the emblem of the Separatists of Saporia.”

“The what?” Eileen asked, and Xavier handed her the locket.

“Centuries ago, after the war brought Saporia and Corona together, there was a small sect of Saporians who felt betrayed, and swore revenge on our kingdom.” He dug around in a chest, pulling out a long tapestry and unraveling it.

It had large, artful depictions of the war and subsequent love story. “Some say their descendants are still around,” Xavier said darkly, and Eileen shivered slightly when she saw the bottom of the tapestry pictured hooded men with long knives. “And are waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike back at Corona.”

“Heh,” Eileen smiled. “See? I told you, I would be a bit pissed too if my commanding general just...oh… _oh_.” She caught sight of Rapunzel’s horrified look and swallowed.

“Oh no.” 

Rapunzel started sprinting, and Eileen waved at Xavier apologetically as she chased after her. “Cass is gonna be devastated when she finds out the truth about Andrew!” Rapunzel said.

“Yeah, only I’m allowed to make her life hell!” Eileen said.

They made it up to the castle in record time, and Rapunzel skidded to a stop. “We should split up,” Rapunzel said. “I’ll take the throne room, you take the courtyard.” 

“Split up, great idea, nothing bad ever happens with that.” Eileen muttered, but ran off towards the courtyard anyway. 

She sprinted through, coming to a stop when she saw familiar guards. “Stan! Pete!” She rushed to them, panting. “Have you seen Andrew anywhere?!”

“Have I?” Pete said. “Let me tell you something, that is one handsome fella.”

“He sounds, like, so worldly,” Stan said. “Which makes him handsome on the inside.”

“I-forget it.” She stomped away, desperately trying to see movement in the darkness. Nothing, and the courtyard was empty. Rapunzel hadn’t returned yet.

“I swear to God-” She turned, running back to the throne room, half expecting a grisly scene.

“Rapunzel!” She dashed in, seeing Cassandra and Rapunzel handcuffed to the podium, but otherwise unharmed. The book was missing. “So the date went bad, huh?”

“Can it, Ellie.” Cassandra said, but Rapunzel looked relieved.

“She...kind of knew Andrew was up to no good. I may have gotten in her way.” Rapunzel said, smiling sheepishly.

“Did she now?” Eileen said, fishing a hairpin out of her pocket. “Guess this is why we don’t quiz people on their romantic lives.”

“Oh, go after the book,” Cassandra said. “Don’t waste time trying to pick the cuffs, they're double locking, black steel-”

“Boom.” Eileen said proudly when the handcuffs dropped off of them.

“Alright,” Cassandra said, sounding surprised. “We might just have a chance to catch him if we hurry.” She sprinted out, Rapunzel and Eileen close behind. Eileen wondered vaguely if her lungs would give out from all the cardio, but she pushed the thought away.

Cassandra got ahead of them, sprinting up to Andrew’s balloon as it started to float away. Eileen threw herself at it, managing to grab the side of the basket as it started to climb.

“Fuck,” She gasped when she suddenly realized what she had done. “Oh fuck, no, fuck fuck fuck-”

She managed to pull herself into the balloon, seeing Cassandra and Andrew already in the midst of a swordfight. She looked back, seeing Rapunzel growing smaller, and the distance between her and the ground growing greater.

“Fuck.” She squeaked, falling into the basket. She glanced up, and her heart seized. No one was controlling the balloon, and they were headed some tall trees.

“Hey!” Rapunzel yelled, climbing a tree quickly and managing to throw her hair like a lasso and loop it around the balloon’s ropes. The balloon pulled back, yanking Rapunzel out of the tree, and the basket tilted, sending the three careening dangerously close to the edge.

“Bastard!” Eileen gasped at Andrew, because she couldn’t think of anything else to say. She threw a punch, and he blocked it with the book. The balloon tilted, sending them tumbling again, and the book flew out of Andrew’s hands and into Eileen’s.

“Get us down from here!” Cassandra said, parrying Andrew.

“Okay okay-” she stumbled to the flame, looking at the buttons and screws. “What if I-” She turned one, and the flame roared, sending them shooting upwards.

“Shit! Sorry!” Eileen stood up, realizing her hands were empty.

The book was right by Andrew’s feet. He smiled, blocking Cassandra, and in a swift move, kicking her in the stomach and sending her sword flying over the side of the balloon.

Cassandra slid the book over to Eileen, who stopped it with her foot. “Ellie, grab the book and get us down!”

“I’m trying!” Eileen said, pounding on the controls. She felt sick. The flame died abruptly, and they dropped down, now headed towards the towering thorn bushes. 

Eileen heard Rapunzel yell, and realized with a start that she was still hanging off of the balloon by her hair. She had retrieved Cassandra’s sword, and was cutting through the brush, but that could only do so much for so long.

Andrew lunged at Cassandra, who ducked, and he ended up stabbing the flame source. The flame roared to life, and Eileen's stomach dropped when they once again high into the night sky.

Andrew chuckled, turning to Eileen. “Give me the book, Ellie.”

“Only Cassandra can call me that.” Eileen growled, drawing her knife. It wasn’t much, but it was all she had.

Andrew laughed, but turned quickly when Cassandra lunged at him. He swung his sword, cutting through two of the ropes holding up the basket, and they dropped. Eileen grabbed the edge, legs dangling off into the abyss, and she felt bile rise in her throat.

“The book!” Cassandra said, hanging from a rope.

“Mm.” Eileen said in response, not trusting herself to speak without spewing.

Andrew climbed the rope, crawling into the fabric of the balloon itself, a dangerous endeavor seeing as the balloon was now spitting fire at random, and he risked being roasted if he wasn’t careful. Cassandra followed him, and Eileen could see them fighting through the shadow of the flame. 

“I hate this.” She whispered to herself. 

A sword pierced the basket inches from her shoulder, and she yelped. “WATCH IT!” She screamed at Rapunzel.

“For Cass!” Rapunzel shouted.

“What-oh.” Eileen yanked the sword through the wicker, whistling shrilly. 

“Cassandra!” She tossed the sword up, and saw Cassandra just manage to grab it. “You’re welcome!”

Cassandra sliced through the fabric of the balloon, swinging down and up through the otherside. “I wouldn’t count on a second date.” She told Andrew, and punched him. He went down, out cold.

Rapunzel cheered, and Eileen leaned over the far side of the basket, and puked.

*** *** ***

“So,” Eileen said, watching as couples lined up to sign their names in the book and declare their true love. “I hear Cass is a big hero now.”

“Yep,” Rapunzel said. “She’s quiet about it, but I can tell she’s proud of herself.”

“Well, good for her,” Eileen shrugged. “I guess she’ll just have to find someone else. That Andrew guy probably picked his nose or something anyway.”

“And when she does,” Rapunzel said. “I’ll leave her alone until she’s ready to come to me.”

“Good philosophy.” Eileen said.

“That goes for you too.” Rapunzel said.

Eileen glanced at her, confused.

“I’m sorry for bugging you about romance and stuff,” Rapunzel said quietly. “I...you and Cass are alike. You’re both private people, and...I’m not. But I should still respect that. And respect that your romantic life is private, and I shouldn’t bug you about it.”

Eileen was quiet. “I...thanks.”

Rapunzel wriggled. “But…” She said slowly. “When you felt comfortable, you would tell me if you met someone, right?”

“I have met someone. Been dating for the past several years.” Eileen said playfully.

Rapunzel laughed. “Oh yeah? Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Eh, you wouldn’t know him, he’s in a different kingdom,” Eileen said, pretending that it didn’t hurt to say this. “The only important thing is, he’s not a Saporian separatist who wants to kill me.”

“You’ll find someone.” Rapunzel said.

“You think so?”

“I know so,” Rapunzel said with utter confidence. “And he’ll be lucky to have you.”

Eileen smiled, watching a young couple laugh as they wrote their names in the book. And...it hurt. It hurt to watch them, knowing she’d never be able to write her name, never be able to write Rapunzel’s name-

“Thanks, Blondie. You’ll find someone too.” She said, watching everyone else’s open love with a deep, writhing envy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eileen "I'll keep all my emotions bottled up in here, and then one day i'll die" Fitzherbert  
> we got some good gay shit in this chapter!!!!!!! yee!!!!  
> and yes i know im going out of order from the series. what are you gonna do about it lol


	8. Big Siblings of Corona

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so yall know, im changing this update schedule so that im only updating every tuesday now. ive started another book (She ra tangled au if you're interested and yes its gay) so i dont wanna overdo myself!
> 
> anyway enjoy one of my favorite episodes

Eileen’s feet kicked up a puddle, and water flew everywhere. The guards were right on her tail, but she slipped easily into an alley, pulling her hood up over her eyes. A wanted poster for the newest criminal, the Silent Striker, fluttered in the wind.

Two other guards blocked her exit, one of them the captain. She smiled widely, holding up a sack. “Sorry. Did you want this?”

The guards scowled, and she laughed. She threw the sack, and it sailed over their heads, and right into the waiting hands of Lance Strongbow. Lance grinned, waving the bag enticingly. 

He ran, and Eileen took her cue, ducking into a tight alleyway. “Strongbow is the diversion! Get Rider!” She heard the captain yell, but she was already out, running to the rendezvous point; a cart selling paintings.

She ducked behind one, waving at Lance to follow her lead. He curled up next to her, clutching the sack. She heard the guards running behind her, pausing. “We lost them.” One said.

“Oh my God,” Eileen said, stepping out. “Seriously?” She tossed the sack down in frustration, and old clothing spilled out.

“We were so close this time.” Pete said sadly.

“No, you weren’t,” Eileen said. “Somehow, you manage to mess it up more each time.”

The captain scowled. “Well, maybe if you didn’t change up the drills wildly each time…”

“No good thief is going to pull the same escape twice,” Lance said, looking like he was having fun, juxtaposed to Eileen’s frustration. “Otherwise they would’ve been caught already.”

Lance had returned, despite Eileen’s doubts he would do so. He had apologized again, and Eileen had hesitatingly accepted it. She kept her distance, but...well, it was good to have him back, good to start getting into a rhythm again, even if they were both walking on eggshells around each other.

“If you can’t catch us when we’re going easy on you, how do you expect to catch this ‘master thief’?” Eileen asked, using air quotes. 

“Silent Striker.” Stan said.

“I’m not calling him that.” Eileen said.

“Anyway,” She said, brushing herself off. “I believe this exercise in your humiliation proves that Lance here is more than qualified to help out with training your men.” She smiled, leaning back. “So what do you say? Does he get the job?”

“No.” The captain said, turning and walking off before Eileen could argue.

Eileen blinked. “Oh, well-”

“Eh,” Lance said, waving his hand. “Not sure how I feel about being a public servant anyway.”

“It’s just a job,” Eileen said. “And he’d stop looking at you like you’re about to stab someone at any given moment.”

“He still looks at you suspiciously,” Lance said. “And you work for him.”

“Yes, but there’s less suspicion,” Eileen said breezily, walking in step with Lance back to the palace. “It’s all about levels. We go from him wanting me dead, to sometimes tolerating me, and then maybe one day, we’ll be able to have a civilized conversation.”

“Don’t get your hopes up.” Lance said.

Eileen frowned. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the job, Lance.”

“It’s fine, really,” Lance shrugged. “I don’t care.”

“Mhm,” Eileen said, and then perked up. “Oh oh!” She snatched a wanted poster for the Silent Striker off of the wall, holding it up.

“I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before, it’s so simple!” She grinned. “We catch this guy to prove that you’re trustworthy, and voila! The captain hires you on the spot!”

“That…” Lance trailed off, and smiled. “Could work.”

“Of course it’ll work, when has one of my ideas not worked? Don’t answer,” She said, glancing back at Lance when he opened his mouth. “It’s rhetorical.”

“Sure,” Lance rolled his eyes. “Well, he’s not here.” He said, and shrugged. “Ooh, let’s get kebabs!”

“Later,” Eileen said, grabbing his arm before he could get distracted. “We have detective work to do.”

*** *** ***

“So,” Eileen said, looking at her chicken scrawl excuse for notes. “We have interviews Feldspar, Monty, and Xavier. All they said is they looked away for one second, and then everything was gone. Which is...not a lot to go on.”

“It was a waste of time.” Lance said, playing with some kind of string. He twisted it, and it came into a flower-like design. He grinned. “Hey, look at that!”

“Very nice,” Eileen said, turning back to her map. “Hold on a second.” She said, an idea forming in her mind.

She snatched the string away from Lance, ignoring his protests. “What do we know about this guy?” She asked, pinning the string to the map. “He hits his marks during peak hours, preferred method of extraction is sleight of hand, and he wants cash only. And he’s working his way through town using a spiral pattern.” 

She grabbed a pin, threading the string through the map carefully. “Which points us to his next target,” She smiled widely. “And the perfect place to set a trap.”

*** *** ***

Eileen sat under the table, hidden by a tablecloth, listening to Lance peddle his rigged coin game. In the past, this ploy had been to lure people in so Eileen could reach out and snatch coins from their pockets, but now the prize for the impossible game-a bag of gold coins-was to lure in the Silent Striker. The tablecloth also concealed a makeshift cage, which would hopefully hold if the thief decided the fight. Eileen wasn’t too confident in her and Lance’s combined carpentry skills. 

She peeked out, and caught sight of someone lurking at the edges of the crowd, face concealed by a black cloak. She smiled.

The figure rushed forward suddenly, and Eileen kicked Lance in warning. He reached out, snatching the bag of coins and yanking the thief forward so they tumbled over the table and into the cage. Eileen jumped up, slamming the cover of the cage on top. The crowd backed up, surprised.

“Ha!” Eileen said. “This is the famous Silent Striker? Pfft.”

She yanked the tablecloth away from the thief, and her smile died.

“Oh, that makes things more complicated.” Lance said.

Eileen pursed her lips. “Shit.”

*** *** ***

“Your Majesty,” Eileen said with reluctance. “May I present the Silent Strikers.”

She gestured with no grandeur to the two small girls handcuffed in front of the king. They were both about nine or ten years old, dressed in ragged, oversized clothes. The taller one was a redhead with a blue flower tucked behind her ear, shuffling nervously. The shorter one had dark hair, and she glared at the king fearlessly.

“They’re children.” The captain said.

Eileen opened her mouth for a sarcastic retort, but the dark haired girl beat her to it. “Wow, good job, captain. Do you want a medal or something?”

Eileen pursed her lips, and Lance unsuccessfully fought a snicker.

The captain knelt in front of the girls. “What are your names, children?” He asked sweetly.

Eileen saw through it immediately, and so did the girls. “She doesn’t talk much,” The dark haired girl gestured to the redhead. “But they call us the Bidness sisters. I’m Nonya.”

Eileen sighed, and the captain walked right into the trap. “Well, Nonya Bidness-” He paused when the girls broke off into giggles and he scowled. “Very funny, no one is-” He glanced over to Eileen and Lance.

“Not laughing,” Eileen said, and she elbowed the chuckling Lance. “See?”

“We can’t send two children to jail,” The king said. “But we can’t just let these two criminals go either.”

“Yeah, they’ll just run off and start stealing again,” Lance said. “Speaking from personal experience anyway.”

The king perked up. “Yes, you and Eileen too have past experience, don’t you?”

“I don’t like where this is going.” Eileen whispered.

“Perhaps you two could take them under your wing for a few days,” The king mused. “See if you can’t help straighten them up.”

“And get them to return what they took.” The captain said.

Eileen glanced at the dark haired girl, who looked willing to stab her. “Ah…” Eileen said. “We’re flattered, but see, Lance and I aren’t what you would call ‘good with kids’.”

“This could be exactly the thing that could earn my trust.” The captain said.

Eileen frowned. “Just pulling out all the stops, huh?” She glanced back at the girls again, ignoring their murderous fury. “Fine, fine, we’ll babysit them.”

“Very good,” The king said. “I will leave them in your hands.” He left, followed by the guard.

“Alright,” Eileen said. “Alright, we can work with this. Just watch a couple kids for a few days, we can do that, right?”

“They’re gone.” Lance said, looking at the now empty space on the carpet.

“Fuck!”

“You can’t say that around kids, Eileen.”

“The kids aren’t here, and I’ll say whatever I want.”

*** *** ***

“Got ‘em!” Eileen said, grabbing the girls by the wrists. She yanked them back into the alley, handcuffing the dark haired girl to herself while Lance did the same with the redhead.

The dark haired girl thrashed uselessly. “Let me go!”

“Okay,” Eileen panted. “First lesson of Not-Being-A-Thief 101: Don’t steal!” She took the full bag of coins from the girl’s hand. “Pretty obvious, but I guess we’re starting from basics.”

“Second rule,” She said, pulling back when the girl tried to make a run for it. “Making people chase you five miles is going to piss them off.”

The dark haired girl merely flipped her off.

“Aw,” Lance said, kneeling down to the redhead. “Aren’t you a fancy thief?” He asked, seeing the flower in her hair. The redhead looked away shyly.

Lance grinned. “I’m calling mine Red, because-”

“Red hair, very clever,” Eileen said, looking at the dark haired girl. “You got a name you want to give me? Because otherwise I’m just gonna give you a nickname, and you don’t want that.”

“We don’t do nicknames.” The dark haired girl said.

“I’ll call you Angry, then. I-OW!” She jumped when Angry kicked her in the shin, and hard too. “Christ, what the hell?!”

“Language.” Lance said.

“Can you not?! Please?!” Eileen said, hopping on one foot and struggling not to fall. She glared at Angry. “Listen, kid, none of us want to be here-”

“Aw, you’re so sweet!” Lance said to Red, and Red smiled.

Eileen groaned. “If you just return the stuff you stole, we can let you go and call it a day. And you don’t want to be thieves,” She finally stopped hopping, ignoring the painful tingling in her shin. “Trust us. It’s a bad long term career, and it’s got a habit of significantly shortening your lifespan.”

“Maybe you two were just bad at it.” Angry said.

“Excuse you,” Eileen said, feeling silly for being insulted by someone who wasn’t able to reach the top shelf. “We were legends! Ever heard of the Drop and Stop?”

The girls looked at each other.

“I hate kids,” Eileen decided. “Okay, one of us would distract the main carriage, while the other went around to the back and-why am I telling you this?!”

She started dragging Angry out from the alley. “Point is, being a criminal is hard and it sucks. You’re always on the run. Not to mention the enemies you make-are you giving her a piggyback ride?!” Eileen cut herself off, looking at Lance and his new pal in shock.

“What?” Lance asked defensively. “She’s tired.”

“As I was saying, once we tried to double cross this guy called the Baron,” Eileen shivered at the unpleasant memory. “I think he still wants us dead.”

“Of course,” Lance said. “It didn’t help matters that Eileen stole his prized Stalyan…”

“We’re not getting into that.” Eileen said through gritted teeth. She looked down at Angry, finally feeling confident enough to kneel to her level. “And the worst part is the guilt you have to live with.”

She dug into her pocket, pulling out her gold earring. “See this? It’s the first thing I ever stole. It’s a reminder of my past.”

Angry snatched it from her, looking it over with disinterest. “Why would you steal something so worthless?” She asked.

“What?!” She grabbed the earring back.

“You didn’t even get both earrings. And you can’t even wear it now.” Angry said.

“It’s not worthless! It has sentimental value!” Eileen said.

“It’s worthless,” Lance said, setting down Red. “Thieving tip number one: take the most valuable thing in the room.”

“Lance!” Eileen said.

“What?”

“We’re trying to convince them not to be thieves! I can’t believe I have to be the responsible one here-” She heard a click, and looked down. The girls had escaped again. 

“Motherfucker…” Eileen said.

“That was impressive.” Lance said, looking down at the empty handcuffs.

“Maybe,” Eileen said. “But don’t tell them that.”

*** *** ***

Angry smiled. “Having a hard time keeping up?”

“Be quiet.” Eileen wheezed, holding onto the back of her shirt tightly.

“You know, we could scare them straight,” Lance said. “Of course, we’d have to take them to some tough looking types. You and I are too pretty to be scary.”

Angry scoffed.

“Maybe,” Eileen said. “Who do we know that’s scary and ugly?”

*** *** ***

“So,” Hookfoot said with a leer. “You two think you can handle a life of crime, huh?”

The girls glanced at each other, tied to a chair.

Eileen smiled, and shut the door to the Snuggly Duckling, only to hear Hookfoot yelp moments later. She threw open the door, and sighed when she saw Angry and Red throwing his prosthetic foot around like it was a game. Of course they escaped from their chair. “I need that to walk!” Hookfoot said.

“You know,” Lance said, smiling. “They kinda remind me of us when we were their age.”

“That should scare the shit out of you,” Eileen said. “We were monsters.”

“Ah, come on,” Lance said. “They’ve got a certain charm to them.”

“I think my shin is broken.”

Lance nudged her, and Eileen sighed. “Fine, fine. I guess they kinda remind me of us. Which is a bad thing.”

“We weren’t that bad.” Lance said.

“It was pretty awful,” Eileen said, and pursed her lips. “We should probably help Hookfoot.”

“Probably.”

*** *** ***

“Hey, service!” Lance said, sitting at the counter, Red and Angry seated at either side of him. Eileen was busy fighting a migraine with her forehead on the counter.

“Yeah, this place has gotten real slow since Attila left to open up his bakery with Monty.” Big Nose said apologetically. 

Shorty appeared out of nowhere (he never seemed to be far) and placed a cupcake made out of dirt and moss in front of Lance. Lance wrinkled his nose. “That’s it!” He stood up, placing Red on his shoulders. “Come on, Red. We’re making lunch.”

Eileen sighed, watching them go.

“What’s wrong with you?” Angry asked.

“Let’s review the day,” Eileen said sarcastically. “I’m trying to prevent two kids from throwing their lives away, and to show for it, I have an ugly bruise on my shin and a cardio workout that’ll last me until I’m eighty. And they won’t even listen to me!”

“Wow, sounds tough.” Angry said. 

“Just stop talking.” Eileen muttered.

“Let me ask you something,” Angry said, ignoring her. “When you were our age, would you have listened?”

“...no,” Eileen admitted. “I’d probably still be out cheating and stealing or maybe dead if it wasn’t for-oh my God!” She jerked up, and Angry leaned back. “Lance, come on! I got it!”

*** *** ***

“You two are the Striker?” Rapunzel asked, cooing over the kids.

“Long hair and brains? Congrats.” Angry said, wandering around Rapunzel’s room. Eileen winced. 

“Well,” Rapunzel said. “Being master thieves, I bet you’re really good at hide and seek.”

“That’s kid stuff.” Angry said.

“You are-” Eileen started, but stopped when Rapunzel gave her a look.

“That’s too bad,” Rapunzel said. “I was hoping you’d play with Pascal and me.” She scooped the lizard off her shoulder, who squeaked happily. 

“But it’s probably better if you don’t,” She shrugged, holding out Pascal to Red. “He’s kind of a pro.”

Pascal climbed onto Red’s hand, and then up into her hair, turning the same deep red. Red smiled, and Pascal nudged her cheek. 

“...can he turn into any color?” Red asked, her voice tiny.

Eileen barely held in a gasp. Angry looked up, shocked, and her expression turned to one that resembled betrayal. “What do you know?” Lance said. “Mine does talk.”

Red smiled shyly. “Sometimes,” Rapunzel said, kneeling down to the girl’s height. “It’s like he’s not even there.” She winked, and Red held up her hands. Rapunzel went to grab Pascal, and paused when she realized that the girl’s hands were empty.

“Oh,” She said, standing up. “Pascal? Pascal? You can come out now.” She started moving her stuff aside, and Eileen realized with sudden amusement how cluttered the place was.

“Maybe you should try out minimalism, Blondie.” She said, and Rapunzel waved her off.

“Pascal?” She opened her jewelry box, and her tiara sparkled. 

There was a squeak from Lance’s shoulders, and Pascal appeared there. Lance shrieked, tripping and falling ungracefully. Red burst out into laughter, and Eileen saw Angry try to conceal a smile, kneeling down next to her sister to observe the chameleon.

Eileen smiled slightly. “Where’s Cassandra, by the way?”

“Oh, she hurt herself trying to get herself down from a trap I made for the Silent Striker,” Rapunzel said nonchalantly. “She’s taking a nap.”

Eileen blinked. “You know what? I’m not even gonna ask.”

*** *** ***

“See?” Eileen said, feeling silly for tucking Angry in, but doing it nonetheless. “Nice, cozy bed. Not too bad, right? Just think, if you let me help you, you could get your own.”

Angry looked perplexed, and then glared. “Why are you still doing this? Usually adults just try to get rid of us.”

“I’m a cool adult.” Eileen said.

Angry tilted her head. “They don’t take us to meet princesses.”

“Well,” Eileen said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “At first, to be honest, I was only trying to get Lance a job. But now, I just wanna help you start over.”

Angry fought a yawn. “Starting over isn't that easy. Stealing is.”

“Look, I know what it’s like to be pissed off at the world. And...yeah. Stealing is easy. A lot of things are easy. Rapunzel showed me it’s when you stop taking things for yourself that you get the most in return.” Eileen said.

“That’s sappy.” Angry said.

Eileen chuckled. “A little,” She sighed. “But eventually you’re going to run into trouble. Eventually you’re going to get caught by someone who doesn’t care that you’re kids.”

Angry looked at something on Eileen’s forehead. “Is that what happened to you?”

“I-oh,” She felt her face grow hot, and yanked down a few strands of hair to cover her scar. “It’s, ah...an unrelated incident, actually. But my point still stands.”

Angry yawned, for real this time, and rolled over. “It’s not like we want to steal,” She said, her voice slightly muffled. “We just need enough to get away.”

“Get away from who?” Eileen asked, but she got no answer. “Angry?”

Angry was asleep, or at least she was pretending to be. Eileen sighed, standing up and nudging Lance, who had fallen asleep in his chair. He jerked awake, and Eileen shushed him, glancing over to make sure they hadn’t disturbed Angry or Red.

She carefully closed the door. Lance nudged her.

She frowned. “What?”

“You like them now, huh?” Lance said.

“I do not. They’re little shits.” Eileen said.

“That’s part of the charm,” Lance laughed. “‘Bad with kids’, my ass.”

“Shut up.” Eileen shoved him, but still glanced back at the door.

*** *** ***

“I woke up and it was gone!” Rapunzel said the next morning, holding out her empty jewelry box.

Her crown was missing.

Eileen felt a pit form in her stomach, and she sighed. “Oh God, they didn’t…”

But when she opened the door to their room, the girls were gone, with no sign that they had ever been there at all except for Red’s blue flower on the pillow.

*** *** ***

“Not only did you lose track of two helpless children,” The captain growled, pacing the halls. “You managed to let them steal the princess’ tiara!” 

“I wouldn’t call them helpless-” Eileen said, but the captain whirled around.

“Enough!” He glared at Eileen. “Your services are no longer required here. You’re both fired!”

Eileen’s jaw dropped, but the captain was gone by the time she could form a coherent thought. 

Eileen put her head in her hands, resisting the urge to yell. “Shit.”

*** *** ***

Eileen was curled up in the windowsill, staring at Red’s blue flower when Rapunzel sat next to her, silent and somber.

“I’m so sorry about your tiara, Rapunzel,” Eileen said. “I...I thought for sure I could fix those girls. You know, like how you fixed me. But…” She sighed, trying to smile. “I guess I’m really not a kid person. Or a helping person.”

“Eileen, I didn’t fix you,” Rapunzel said. “You can’t make someone better. The best you can do is give them a chance. And if they don’t want your help, then…” She paused, and sighed. “All you can do for them is be there for them until they do.”

“That’s nice, but it doesn’t bring back your tiara,” She sighed, looking out the window. “And the thing is, I’m sure they did want help. But they’re running from something and I have a feeling it’s bad. If I just knew where to look for them.”

“You could start with that flower.” Cassandra said, hobbling into the room, using a sword for a crutch. Her foot was wrapped tightly in a bandage. “It only grows by the river cliffs.”

“I-yeah!” She jumped up. “I’m going to get Lance!” She paused on her way out the door. “Thank you thank you thank you! I’m so thankful, in fact, I’m not even going to mention…” she gestured vaguely to Cassandra’s bandaged foot. 

“How noble.” Cassandra said, but Eileen was already gone.

*** *** ***

Eileen froze when she heard a shriek.

“Fuck!” She gasped, sprinting in the direction of the sound. She ducked behind a bush, looking out, and her heart dropped.

“Weasel,” She growled, seeing the Baron’s favorite crony. “That slimy son of a bitch…”

Two more jaundiced eyed men held Red and Angry, though they struggled to keep hold of the girls while they were thrashing. Weasel was hitching up a jail caravan, and it didn’t take a genius to know who he intended it for.

“The girls were running from the Baron,” Eileen whispered, her heart skipping a beat just thinking about the man. “Why is it always the Baron?!”

“They’re in more trouble than we thought,” Lance said grimly. “What do we do? We’re outnumbered and nearly unarmed...we can try the Heave Ho, a Bob and Weave, a Shoehorn Sam, a Lucky Eighteen…”

“No, we can’t,” Eileen said. “The girls could get hurt if we pull some fancy trick.”

“What, so we ask the Weasel to let the girls go nicely?” Lance asked. “Last time I checked, we were pretty high on his boss’ ass-kicking list.”

“Let’s hope that’s still the case.” Eileen said, stepping out the bush with her hands up.

“Eileen, don’t-oh, fuck.” Lance sighed, following suit.

“Anthony the Weasel!” Eileen called, and the one eyed man whirled around. “Long time, no see. Are people still calling you the Weasel? I’ve been trying to get the nickname ‘Smelly Ugly Bastard’ off the ground, but people seem pretty set on Weasel.”

The Weasel laughed, a low, ugly sound. “Strongbow and Rider,” He said. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’m here to offer you the deal of a lifetime,” Eileen said, refusing to look at the girls because she knew if she did, the panic would slip from her voice. “The infamous thieves who double-crossed the Baron on many, many occasions in exchange for the kids.”

The Weasel glanced back at the girls, mulling it over. “Quite the noble gesture coming from such a notorious lying whore as yourself, Flynn Rider.” He said slowly. 

“Well,” Eileen said, managing to catch Angry’s eye. “People change.”

The Weasel was quiet, hand to his chin, and then he smiled. “You’ve got a deal.”

Eileen breathed a sigh of relief, and the men dropped the girls. They sprinted up to them, and Angry nearly tackled Eileen in a hug, to her surprise.

“What are you doing?!” Angry demanded.

“Don’t worry about us,” Eileen said, kneeling down to look her in the eyes. “I just need you two to run, okay?” She let go of the girl, letting the thugs grab and cuff her.

Angry looked like she wanted to say something, but Eileen shook her head at her. 

The girl’s face screwed up, and she turned and ran into the woods with her sister.

*** *** ***

“So, uh, Eileen,” Lance said, wincing when the cart went over a large pothole. “You wanna let me in on the actual plan part of this plan?”

“Uh…” Eileen bit her lip. “Still...working out the kinks…”

“You have no plan, then.” Lance said, looking defeated.

Eileen groaned. “Oh, we’re fucked.”

Lance didn’t disagree. 

A bush rustled loudly, and Eileen perked up slightly. Rapunzel’s tiara fell from a tree, right in front of the caravan.

Eileen smiled. 

The two drivers got up to investigate, and when they leaned over, they were knocked over by a large, heavy bag. Weasel started to shout something, but Red dropped down, covering his head with a bag. The other crony reached for her, but she was too fast, dodgin as Angry snuck up and snatched the keys from Weasel’s belt.

The door to the caravan swung open, and Angry looked smug.

“You came back!” Eileen said, and then frowned. “I told you not to come back!” Then she smiled again. “And you used the Drop and Stop!”

“Don’t let it get to your head.” She said, but she was smiling. She tossed the keys to Eileen, and she unlocked herself and Lance just in time to see the Weasel manage to get the bag off of his head.

“You…” He scowled at Angry, and then paused. “Wait, where’s the other one?!”

There was a click, and he looked down to see had had handcuffed on, as did the other crony. Red smiled shyly, spinning the keys around her fingers. 

*** *** ***

Eileen closed the door to the caravan, Weasel and his cronies locked inside. “There we go,” She smiled brightly. “Enjoy your trip, boys.”

“Bitch.” The Weasel spat.

“You shouldn’t use that kind of language around children.” Eileen scolded, and then turned to the girls.

“Look, I know I can’t force you to accept my help,” She knelt down. “I mean, I just got fired from the guard, go figure. So I can’t really make you return what you took. But I can still give you the chance to change.”

The girls glanced at each other. “What if we don’t want it?” Angry asked.

“Then I’ll be here for you until you do.” Eileen said. She reached into her pocket and retrieved her earring. “Here, I want you to have this.” She pressed it into Angry’s hand.

Angry examined it and laughed. “As a shameful reminder of my life of crime?”

“A little,” Eileen said. “And as a reminder of the first day you didn’t have to steal something because someone was happy to give it to you.”

Angry smiled, and then pushed it down with a scowl. She pocketed the earring and turned away-and then threw her arms around Eileen’s neck. Eileen winced, expecting the girl to choke her out, but she was just hugging her. Eileen hugged back tightly.

When she let go, Angry grabbed her sister’s hand, and the two disappeared back into the woods.

“Well,” Eileen said, standing up. “So much for getting you the job.”

“Eh, I don’t wanna work for the captain anyway,” Lance shrugged. “Too much yelling.”

*** *** ***

“YOU DID WHAT?!” The captain screamed.

Eileen winced. “I take full responsibility for everything they stole,” She said. “And I really want to-”

“Sir, you should come and see this!” A guard burst in, interrupting them.

“What now?!” The captain snapped, stomping out. Eileen and Lance followed, and she froze when she saw what the commotion was.

Bags and bags of stolen riches, all tied off with a note that simply read ‘Sorry’. A guard moved the note, and there was Rapunzel’s tiara, blue flower stuck between the jewels. The captain’s jaw hung open.

Eileen laughed. “Well, I’ll be damned,” She nudged Lance. “They’re good thieves.”

“Well, Captain,” The king said. “If everything has been returned, there’s nothing Eileen needs to take responsibility for.”

Eileen plucked the blue flower, examining it carefully. She looked out among the people milling about, but there was no sign of the girls.

“And it seems to me the guard still needs the help of a former thief.” The king said. 

Lance coughed.

“Or two.” The king added.

The captain’s face twisted into a scowl, but he sighed. “Well, I suppose this means you’re reinstated, Fitzherbert,” He said with great reluctance. “As for Strongbow, I’m willing to try having a second consultant, if he’s amenable.”

Lance glanced at Eileen, and she shrugged. “Up to you, buddy.”

“I appreciate the offer,” Lance said. “But no thanks, Captain. I actually found a job on my own.”

He gestured to himself grandly. “You are looking at the new chef of the Snuggly Duckling! Today’s my first day.”

“Wait, then why aren’t you there?” Eileen asked.

“I’m taking a personal day.” Lance said.

The captain sighed, and stalked off. Eileen turned quickly when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye, but when she was looking, there was nothing there.

“You sure you’re okay with letting them go?” Lance asked. 

Eileen shook her head. “Yeah,” She said, smiling. “They’ll be back when they’re ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was originally never gonna mention eileen's scar-or it was going to be a gag, like she fell into a wall or something-and then i listened to you should be sad my halsey and me and my husband by mitski and i was like or...i could tease it and make it really freaking sad so here we are :) we'll get an answer eventually


	9. Saving Throw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd like to thank our fantabulous dm, A_Festive_Artist, for helping me with this chapter! im sorry for being so annoying during the campaign and setting things on fire
> 
> anyway, yeah! i think we deserved to have a dnd episode in tangled, so i made one myself. all the characters are based on ones i have encounterd/played with/played as, so that's fun. not to mention this being somewhat of a shot for shot remake of our last campaign. 
> 
> anyway this was really fun to write. enjoy!

Oswald grunted slightly, peeking around the corner. The halls of the castle were silent. Too silent, in fact. The soft torchlight barely lit the stone entryway, and it felt more like a dungeon than a castle.

Oswald motioned to Yassu, and the dragonborn nodded. He stepped out carefully, long neck swiveling in search of traps. He couldn’t seem to find any, and waved the group on. 

Vervis stumbled, tripping over a raised stone in the ground. Oswald grabbed him, but it was too late. 

The ground rumbled, and in front of the group, the stones fell away. Out of the pit, hissing and angry, rose a giant snake, fangs dripping with a sickly yellow venom, and eyes alive with cruel malice.

Oswald stepped forward, and raised his long rapier-

*** *** ***

“That’s a nat one,” Eileen said, glancing at the dice. “So...no. You don’t hit.”

Lance sputtered. “I have a modifier of three!”

“Okay, four. Still doesn’t hit. The snake lunges at you. Roll a dex save.” Eileen said, reaching forward to push the snake figurine toward Lance’s half-orc player. 

Lance grumbled, grabbing the twenty sided dice and tossing it across the table. It clattered loudly, and the group leaned in to see the verdict. “Two.” Eileen declared, ignoring Lance’s groan. She leaned back, checking her folder and board and glaring at Hookfoot when he tried to peek behind it. 

“Alright, roll for bite damage, and then a constitution saving throw.” Eileen said.

“I barely have any hit points left!” Lance complained.

“Should have thought of that before you tried to take on the snake.” Eileen shrugged.

Lance glared at Eileen. “You said there weren’t any traps.”

“Attila only rolled an eleven on the perception check. He needed a fifteen to see the pit.” Eileen shrugged, and Attila grumbled loudly. She smiled to herself. “Now roll the damage.”

“Hey, Eileen, did you-” Rapunzel poked her head in and paused. “Oh! Everyone’s here!”

“Not everyone,” Eileen said. “Just Lance, Hookfoot, Attila...and Shorty, I think, but we’ve kind of been skipping his turn.”

“Turn?” Rapunzel looked interested. “Are you playing a game?”

Cassandra stuck her head in as well, and burst out laughing. “Oh, Ellie, this is a new low even for you!”

Eileen felt her face turn red. “Out of the room, Cassandra,” She pointed to the door. “Out, out!”

“And you’re the game master!” Cassandra laughed again, leaning against the door for support.

“And I happen to be running a very good campaign.” Eileen said.

“An impossible one.” Hookfoot muttered.

“Hey, that puzzle was made for ten year olds. Not my fault it took forty minutes for you to solve.” Eileen said.

“I don’t get it.” Rapunzel said.

“It’s a game,” Eileen said. “Jails and Jinns. You create a character and go on an adventure.”

“It’s for little kids.” Cassandra said.

“I’ll have you know this game involves a lot of critical thinking, teamwork, and strategy!” Eileen said. “Also, I want you out!”

“This sure looks like the crowd for critical thinking.” Cassandra said.

“Are you in the middle of a game?” Rapunzel asked. “Can I play?” 

“You want to play?” Eileen asked, surprised. 

“Sure! I think it looks like fun.” Rapunzel smiled.

“A-ah, well…” Eileen coughed, sifting through her notes. “We’re coming up on a point where I could put your character in…”

“Put my character in?” Rapunzel asked, sitting down. “So like...a story?”

“I...I mean I guess,” Eileen shrugged. “Basically, I’m the game master, so I have to make a quest for the players and lead them on it. They can do whatever they want, they can try to derail my campaign by, oh, I don’t know,” She glared sideways at Lance. “Deciding to marry the semi-evil princess instead of getting her to give up the location of the monster caverns.”

Lance smiled and shrugged. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“In the end,” Eileen said, staring at torn up notes on the floor with some grief. “Anyway, yeah, I guess it’s like an interactive story.”

“That’s so cool!” Rapunzel said. “Cass, are you sure you don’t want to play?”

Cassandra snorted and shook her head. “I would never let her in my campaign,” Eileen said, sifting through her notes again. “We can make you a character really fast. Essentially, you pick a species and class. We can work out the other stuff quickly.”

“Species? Class?” Rapunzel asked.

“Species is what, you know, species you want to play as. You can just be a person, but they’ve got a bunch of magic creatures you can be too. Class is what your role is, your strengths and weaknesses, and your special skills.” Eileen said.

“Really?” Rapunzel asked. “What do you play as?”

“Tiefling rogues, mostly,” Eileen shrugged. “Tieflings are like, demon people, I guess.”

“That does capture your personality.” Cassandra said.

“I recall telling you to leave.” Eileen said.

“Can we hurry this along?” Lance asked. “I’m about to maybe die.”

“Fine,” Eileen grumbled, managing to find a blank character sheet, and handed it to Rapunzel. “Here, fill this out, and I’ll fill in the blanks for you. Where was I…? Ah, yeah. Lance, roll for damage.”

*** *** ***

The snake lunged at Oswald, but the half-orc managed to jerk away, and the snake’s fang just barely scratched his arm, unable to inject any poison into Oswald.

Oswald stepped away deftly, and Vervis lunged forward with a scimitar, slicing the massive reptile. It made a sound that was an odd combination between a hiss and a scream, jerking around and lunging once again, but it missed.

Yassu stepped forward, raising their arms. An invisible force threw the snake forward, and across the room-right onto Oswald’s rapier, nearly gutting it.

The snake writhed, blood pooling all around it. It hissed, defiant to the last breath, and then went still.

*** *** ***

“Dammit.” Eileen muttered, crumpling up a piece of paper.

Lance grinned. “What, did you expect it to kill me?”

“I expected a higher damage roll. Not a one,” Eileen said. “Nor did I expect two high rolls from these guys-” She motioned to Hookfoot and Atilla. “Who’ve been rolling like losers all day.”

Hookfoot frowned. “Hey.”

“I finished! I think.” Rapunzel said, handing the sheet to Eileen.

She looked it over. “Half-elf sorcerer. Okay, I can work with this. You didn’t choose a weapon-”

“Well,” Rapunzel said. “They didn’t have a frying pan option. So I was wondering if, you know, it would be possible to fill it in as that?”

“Frying pan as your weapon?” Eileen asked, and then paused. “Hm...you know what, alright. Use the club details for it. Do you mind if I make up your backstory for you so I can put you in?”

“Sure.” Rapunzel smiled, looking excited.

*** *** ***

The dungeons tunnels curved and winded, and it was impossible to tell whether the group had been going in circles, or if they were truly making progress. 

“Hello?!” A nervous voice called out, and the party whirled around, weapons and magic ready.

Someone was just visible in the dim light. A young half-elf woman stepped forward cautiously, her hands up to show she meant no harm. She had a bulging bag with spell supplies at her side, and a large, pointed blue hat with dangling crystals. She didn’t wear any shoes, and long blonde hair pulled back in double braids. A frying pan hung at her belt. 

“What are you doing here?!” Oswald asked. “Who are you?!”

“My name is Nola Tossgarden,” She said. “I’ve been sent down by my village to put a stop to Carabosse.”

“Carabosse?” Vervis asked. “Is he the Dragon King?”

“Queen, technically,” Nola said. “But yes.”

Yassu was quiet for a moment. “What do you know about Carabosse? We’ve been sent down here by the king to try and stop her before she...well, he wasn’t too clear to be honest.”

“Carabosse is from my village,” Nola said. “She’s a legend there. Parents tell their children that if they don’t behave, she’ll drag them down and turn them into one of her infernal slaves.”

“Pleasant.” Vervis said.

“What do you know?” Oswald asked.

“She was a sorcerer of great power. She was the first person to learn how to transfigure herself into a dragon, and the youngest person ever on the Grand Council,” Nola paused. “But...the more powerful she got, the more nervous the Elders became. Eventually, they decided it would be safer for everyone if she was banished to the Lower Realms, and so one night while she was caught unaware, they sent her down here with a power spell, trapping her below. And she’s been here for...I don’t even know how long.”

Nola frowned suddenly. “That’s so sad-”

*** *** ***

“-she didn’t even do anything, and they still cast her out?” Rapunzel asked, looking at Eileen.

“I mean…” Eileen paused, not having expected the morality quandary. But then, this was Rapunzel. “Yeah. I guess.”

“That’s awful,” Rapunzel said quietly. “Trapped just for her power.”

Eileen made a face, only just then realizing the parallels, even if they were a bit off and unintentional. “Uh…”

“Is that all she has on Carabosse?” Attila asked.

*** *** ***

“The village seer said that some adventurers who might have a chance were here,” Nola continued. “And I’m the most powerful sorcerer among us.”

*** *** ***

“Why’d you bump her up to level five?”

“Because she’s gonna get demolished if she starts from square one. Now shut up.”

*** *** ***

“I’ve come to help. And come with this.” Nola reached into her bag, rooting around until she found a bright yellow crystal about the size of her fist. 

“Ooh.” Vervis said, standing on his tiptoes to look at it. The halfling’s finger twitched. “What is it?”

“A portal crystal. If I smash this, it creates a portal for about ten seconds that leads to the surface. But it’s open to everything. So if we use it, we need to make sure nothing else can come through.” Nola said, placing the crystal carefully into her bag.

“Shrewd of you, young sorceress,” A raspy, whispering voice echoed from the dungeon. “But it will be in vain.”

The party immediately drew their weapons, turning to face the new threat. There was a laugh, and what was left of a man emerged into the light, dragging his leg behind him. 

He was infernal, no doubt. His skin was hard and leathery, his hair mostly gone except for a few thin patches that still hung on. He grinned a skeletal, mummified grin, and his teeth were eerily intact. “You’ve made it far into the catacombs of my mistress,” He said. “But this is where your journey ends.”

“Who are you?!” Yassu demanded. 

“Kik Balasuu,” The infernal being said. “Right hand man of Queen Carabosse.”

“You don’t have to do this.” Nola said.

Kik merely smiled, and sprang forward with sudden agility, drawing a sword. It had barbs on it; a cruel touch for a man who was equally cruel in life as he was in magical servitude.

The party managed to dodge, and Oswald swung back, engaging Kik in combat. “The dragon lady must be pretty worried if she’s sending out her favorite crony!” He said. “Is she too afraid to get her hands dirty?”

“Don’t flatter yourself too much.” Kik said. He fell back when a poison spray from Yassu hit home, but he rose to his feet quickly. “My mistress is merely stretching her forces thin in preparation for assault on the surface.”

“Why does she want to attack the surface?” Nola asked.

“For revenge on those who cast her out, of course. She’s waited so long for this opportunity, and now she finally has collected the power to break her banishment-AGH!” He fell back when Nola suddenly stretched her hands out, emitting a blinding light.

Oswald took the opportunity to leap forward, delivering a deep blow to Kik. The infernal man wailed, springing forward. Not at Oswald, but at Yassu. 

Yassu’s eyes widened, and he went to step back, but it was too late. Kik swung his sword, and Yassu fell back. 

“Look out!” Oswald yelled, falling back when Kik once again jumped with uncanny speed. 

“Vervis! Here!” Nola rushed over to the halfling, grabbing something out of her bag and muttering an incantation. She touched his shoulder, and the halfling disappeared. 

Kik growled, turning his attention to her. “Your tricks will not save you, sorceress!” 

He withdrew a long dagger and flung it at her, but Nola raised her arms and shouted another spell. The dagger seemed to hit an invisible shield, and bounced off harmlessly. 

Kik hissed once again, and the sound seemed to echo dryly. He rushed forward, but stopped short when Vervis suddenly reappeared, driving a sickle into his back.

Kik stumbled. “Damn you.” He hissed, though his energy seemed to be waning. 

He tried to hobble forward, but the sickle seemed to have nearly done him in. Oswald attacked with his rapier, and the infernal monster dropped to the ground, his body making a noise reminiscent of dry leaves.

*** *** ***

“That was…” Hookfoot glared at Eileen. “Easy.”

Eileen scowled in response. “What? You always complain how I make my campaigns too hard.”

“This is suspicious,” Lance agreed. “You went from making me fight my brother to the death last session, to now Carabosse’s second in command only gets a few hits in?”

Eileen frowned. “Well, there’s also a new player, but if you think I’m going to easy on you-”

“No one said that!” Attila said immediately.

“I dunno, Ellie,” Cassandra mused thoughtfully. “That did seem a bit easy for them.”

“Cass…” Rapunzel said.

“Christ, that’s a plot twist. Cassandra getting involved!” Eileen grinned widely when Cassandra scowled.

“I’m not. I’m only saying that if you’re going to play such a childish game, you might at least add some difficulty to it.” Cassandra said.

“Stop encouraging her!” Lance hissed.

Eileen chuckled. “Anyway, shall we continue?”

*** *** ***

“Careful.” Nola whispered, picking her way through the throne room as if walking on eggshells. She might have been. Traps were always a hazard. 

“See anyone?” Vervis asked, not bothering to conceal the fact that he was hiding behind Oswald. 

Yassu stretched their hands out, and a small ball of light lit up the room. There was a throne in the center, silver and embedded with jewels of all sorts. Art decorated the walls, long, heavy tapestries depicting the victory of the Lower Realms over the surface world, with what looked like a black dragon creating the most destruction.

Oswald gulped. “Hopefully we don’t bump into that.”

“Oh,” A soft voice said. “But you will.”

The room shook, and smoke began to pour from the throne, reaching out to the party like long, evil fingers. Nola tossed a legume seed, muttered an incantation, and the smoke blew back from the gust of wind she created. 

A high pitched, echoing laugh came from the throne, and when the smoke cleared, there was a tall woman sitting on it. She wore a long robe that seemed to be made of coppery dragon skin, and her eyes were dark and sharp. Her hair was tied back in an intricate braid, jewels woven it. Her face was pale, too pale, and her features looked sharp enough to cut.

“A clever trick, adventurer,” Carabosse, the Dragon Queen and Ruler of the Lower Realms rose to her feet. “But it will not save you from me.” 

Oswald smiled, stepping forward and-

*** *** ***

“Ah ah ah,” Eileen said. “No seducing. She’s immune to that.”

Lance sputtered. “But...but that’s what I’ve been planning to do!”

“I know,” Eileen said. “You wanna know how I know? Because you’ve tried to get with every single lady we’ve met on this adventure!”

“I have not!” Lance said, but Attila and Hookfoot glanced at each other.

“You can try to seduce,” Eileen said. “But it’s not gonna work.”

Lance huffed.

*** *** ***

-and drew his rapier, lunging at Carabosse. He missed, and Carabosse laughed again. “You really believe you can defeat me with such weapons?!” She demanded. 

She muttered something, and a ball of fire appeared. “Wait!” Oswald tried to yell, but it was too late. It hit him directly in the chest, and he was thrown back. 

“No!” Nola shouted, and Carabosse’s laugh echoed like an evil song.

*** *** ***

“And that’s…” Eileen glanced at her roll. “Critical. I’m going to assume you’re out of hit points now.”

Lance merely groaned.

“You know what to do. Death saves. Roll it.” Eileen said.

*** *** ***

Oswald gasped desperately, trying to draw air into his lungs uselessly.

*** *** ***

“That’s a five.”

*** *** ***

Carabosse stepped down from her throne, her long dress trailing behind her.

*** *** ***

“Two.”

*** *** ***

“Dammit.” Oswald rasped.

*** *** ***

“And a nat one,” Eileen said with finality. “You’re dead.”

Lance groaned. “I was so close!”

Rapunzel patted his shoulder sympathetically.

“Alright, this is fine,” Attila said. “So we lost the heavy hitter, that’s alright. We just...how many hit points does Carabosse have?”

“One hundred and fifty.” Eileen said.

Hookfoot sighed. “We’re dead.”

Rapunzel was quiet. “Can I…” She trailed off, and paused. “So Carabosse is the queen down here, right?”

“Yep,” Eileen said. “The big bad evil guy.”

“Would I…” Rapunzel pursed her lips. “I don’t think we can defeat her by just attacking. She’s too powerful, and I don’t have many spells, and most of them aren’t offensive anyway. But...would it be possible to talk to her?”

Eileen quirked her eyebrows. “Talk to her how?”

“Don’t laugh,” Rapunzel said immediately. “But is it possible to befriend her?”

Eileen was quiet for a long time, staring at her notes. She put her finger to her lips, mulling it over. The table was dead quiet, waiting for the verdict. Even Cassandra leaned in, curious to see where this would go. 

“...it’s gonna have to be a hell of a roll.” Eileen said slowly. 

The table broke out into nervous chattering, and Rapunzel pursed her lips. She picked up the dice, looking determined, and met Eileen’s eye. 

“Go for it.” Eileen nodded.

*** *** ***

“Queen Carabosse,” Nola stepped forward, hands up, eyes pleading. “You don’t have to do this.”

Carabosse smiled widely. “Oh, but I so want too!”

“I can’t imagine your banishment and the pain it must have caused you.” Nola continued, stepping forward. Carabosse raised an eyebrow, but did not move. “But you don’t need to inflict that pain on other people.”

Carabosse hissed, and it sounded like a snake. “Choose your next words carefully, sorceress.”

“You have so much talent and power,” Nola said. “And I know you can use it for good. We have a crystal that can allow us to leave this place, and you can come too. Leave this all behind and start a new life!”

Vervis and Yassu looked at each other, neither daring to breathe. Carabosse did not move, as if turned to stone.

“I know what it’s like to feel trapped,” Nola said softly. “I do. And I know that all you want is to leave. But spreading evil and suffering isn’t going to erase what happened to you. I’m not asking you to forgive the people who hurt you. I’m asking you to realize that it doesn’t define you, and to move on.”

Carabosse was quiet, and then gave a fractured grin. “And if I agree,” She said. “What then? What am I to do? This prison is all I’ve ever truly known. I...I am not even sure if I can survive on the surface.”

Her expression turned distant, as if pushing away pain. “I don’t even remember what the sun looks like. It’s so...dark here.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Nola said. “Not anymore. I’m offering you a way out. People have lied and hurt you. And I know you’re afraid. But you don’t have to be anymore.”

“And how do I know you aren’t lying?” Carabosse said. “How do I know that if I follow you, there’s not one hundred wizards waiting to strike me down?”

“You’re going to have to trust me.” Nola reached out her hand.

Carabosse stepped back, and stared at her. The Dragon Queen’s face was hidden by shadow, unreadable. 

*** *** ***

“Damn, alright.” Eileen said, looking at Rapunzel’s roll. A natural twenty, plus her modifier of persuasion gave her a twenty four. Everyone held their breath. 

“So that’s it, right?” Cassandra asked. “That’s gotta make it.”

“It...gives her a chance,” Eileen said, mulling it over. “Carabosse is certainly listening…”

Eileen picked up the die, rolling it around in her hand. “Alright,” She announced. “Chance roll. If it’s odds, Carabosse listens to you and you can go from there. If it’s evens…”She trailed off for a moment. “Then I’m rolling to attack you with everything I’ve got. Sound fair?”

“What if we strike now while she’s vulnerable?” Attila said. “She’s distracted, right? If I use my crossbow-”

“No!” Rapunzel said. “We have to try reasoning with her.”

Eileen paused, glancing at Attila, waiting to see if he would push the issue. He didn’t, seeming to go with Rapunzel.

“Here we go.” Eileen said, and she tossed the die across the table. In the silence, the clattering of the metal on wood sounded like an explosion.

*** *** ***

Carabosse’s eyes were wide and fretful. “I...do you really think I could remake myself? Leave? It’s been so, so long…”

“I know you can,” Nola said firmly. “I’ll help you.”

Carabosse blinked, and her lips cracked in the most fragile smile. She slowly extended her hand, and took Nola’s-

The room rumbled, and the party stumbled. Carabosse’s face hardened. “The infernal beings. They’re here. They expect me to rip a hole into the surface world.”

“How many are there?” Vervis asked. 

“Many.” Carabosse said grimly. 

“We can take them,” Nola said, looking determined. “I know we can.”

“To a point, perhaps,” Carabosse said, stepping down and sweeping past the party. “They are my servants, yes, but they’ve enough free will to be furious when I do not allow them to raise hell upon the surface.”

“So what do we do?” Yassu asked, drawing a scimitar. “Fight? We’re down a member already.”

“How long does it take for that crystal to create a portal?” Carabosse asked, pretending not to hear the rattle of countless bones and dried flesh coming closer. 

“A minute, but after that you can slip through-” Nola said, but Carabosse shook her head.

“I can provide a distraction.” The Dragon Queen said. “With luck, I will be able to follow after you.”

Nola opened her mouth to protest, but as if hearing a magic signal, infernal beings poured into the room, stumbling forward with their gaunt, empty eyes, wishing only to sow pain and suffering. 

“NOW!” Carabosse shouted, and Nola wrenched the crystal out of her bag and threw it to the ground.

It burst into a shower of sparkling dust, and began to swirl. Carabosse turned back to the infernals, who gnashed their teeth and wailed. “You promised us a new world!” They screamed, waving their weapons. 

“Forgive my lies.” Carabosse said dully, and spread her arms.

She grew, her body twisting and changing into something more scaly and fearsome. Her face lengthened into a snarling snout, and when she opened her mouth, fire exploding out of it. Her newly formed wings were cramped in the massive throne room, but she was still a frightful presence. 

The Dragon Queen roared.

The sparkling dust twisted into a window like shape, and on the other side of it, there was an open meadow, a summer breeze gently pushing the tall grass. Birds chirped, clearly heard even over the cacophony.

“Carabosse, hurry!” Nola said, reaching back.

“Go!” Carabosse shouted, stepping on several infernals.

“But-”

“Nola, hurry! The portal’s going to collapse!” Yassu grabbed her arm, yanking her through. The edges of the portal fizzled weakly, and Vervis threw himself through. 

An infernal being nearly got out, but Carabosse swatted it away with her tail. “Carabosse!” Nola shouted.

Carabosse turned around, her dragon eyes filled with sorrow. Her eyes widened when she saw the sun, and for a second, her expression was pure bliss, and she looked...happy. Completely at peace.

“I never believed I would see the sun again,” She said quietly. “Thank you.”

“No!” Nola cried, rushing forward.

But it was too late. With a loud hiss, the portal fizzled, and disappeared with sparks of light falling to the ground before dying out, as if they had never been there at all.

*** *** ***

“-and the villagers, hell, the whole kingdom hails you as heroes,” Eileen said, setting down her final page of notes. “So...what do we think?”

“It was sad.” Rapunzel said.

“And hard.” Hookfoot said.

“Hello?!” Lance said. “I died!”

“What say you, Miss ‘Game for Kids’?” Eileen asked, glancing at Cassandra, who had long taken up a seat beside Rapunzel. “Still think it’s silly?”

“With these clowns playing, absolutely,” Cassandra motioned to the three men. “There were several opportunities to take an easy shot at Carabosse, but no one tried!”

“Because we were trying to reason with her. And it worked!” Rapunzel said.

“Still! You desperately need a strategist.” Cassandra shook her head.

“What? Are you volunteering?” Eileen asked.

Cassandra opened her mouth to protest, but Rapunzel smiled. “Oh, that would be so much fun! Come on, Cass, at least try it! I had fun!”

Cassandra scowled, but after a moment, she sighed. “Fine...whatever, Ellie will make sure I die within the first ten minutes anyway.”

“As a matter of fact,” Eileen said, packing up her notes and board. “Lance is running it next time.”

“You are?” Rapunzel asked.

Lance frowned. “You don’t need to sound so surprised.”

“I’m always the game master. I need a break to refill my creative juices, get some ideas for my next big campaign, you know?” Eileen said.

Rapunzel looked excited. “Oh, we can all play together! This is gonna be so much fun!”

Eileen smiled, brushing herself off. “Well, thanks for stopping in guys. See you next week?”

She got a few sounds of acknowledgement, and left to go put her stuff away. Rapunzel rushed after her. “There’s so many spells...can I still be Nola in the next campaign?”

“You’ll have to ask Lance,” Eileen said. “But I’m sure he’ll be alright with it.”

“Yes!” Rapunzel said. “I have so many spells I wanted to try and want to get. Fireball? How cool is that?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik that's not how saving throws work. lets just say they homebrewed it, okay


	10. Queen For a Day (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said updates once a week now but i lied because if i don't do at least twice a week we'll never finish this 
> 
> SO ANYWAY
> 
> here we are, finally get into the meat of this arc! this is fun!!!!

“What are you doing?” Lance asked, walking in right as Eileen dropped a large pot of ink.

The pot shattered instantly on contact, and dark ink splattered around the room, almost like a crime scene. Eileen winced, looking at the dark stain on her boots and pants. “That’s never coming out.” 

“Definitely not,” Lance agreed. “But what were you doing other than making a mess?”

“Rapunzel’s parents are leaving for a few days on a trip. So she’ll be queen.” Eileen said, grabbing a stray rag and starting to wipe up the ink. All she succeeded in doing was spreading the stain.

“And?” Lance asked.

“And this is her first time being queen, and first time really doing, like, public service stuff without her parents helping her out with it. I wanted to try and help. You know, shoulder of support and all that.” Eileen said.

“So you made a mess.” Lance said.

“I didn’t do it on purpose! I found an extra inkpot, and I figured I’d bring it up to her in case she needed it. You know, queens sign stuff. Like...laws. Decrees. Other things.” Eileen said lamely, trying to focus on the stain.

“Mhm,” Lance said. “So you have no idea what to do.”

Eileen winced. “Is it that obvious?”

“Extremely so.” Lance said.

Eileen sighed, dragging her hand down her face. “I just want to help. I know she’s excited to do this on her own, and she can definitely do it, but she’s nervous too. I mean, who wouldn’t be? And I know Cassandra will be helping her, and as awful as it is, she probably does know more about royalty stuff than me,” She made a face. “But...I wanna help.”

“Well,” Lance said, starting to leave, smiling mischievously. “You could start by washing your face.”

Eileen blinked, and looked in the mirror. Where she had dragged her hand down her face, there was a huge ink stain. 

She sighed. “Shit.”

*** *** ***

Maximus snorted at the front of the royal carriage, eager to be off. Eileen smiled, patting the horse’s nose. “I know you’re excited,” She said, voice teasing. “You get a vacation too.”

“I’ll miss you guys.” Rapunzel said, hugging her mother tightly.

Her father still looked anxious, glancing back at Eileen, Cassandra, and the gathered pub thugs who had come to see them off. “You sure you’ll be alright, Rapunzel?” He asked. “Because your mom and I can stay. We’ll have plenty of anniversaries to come, you know.” 

“Frederic.” The queen scolded.

“Don’t worry, Your Majesty,” Lance said. “We’ve got everything under control.” He nudged Eileen, and she glanced sideways at him.

“Don’t say it like that, it sounds suspicious.” She whispered. Pascal chittered, looking doubtful. 

“Er,” The king said. “Thank you. That’s comforting...are those my shoes?”

“No.” Lance lied, shuffling away in the bright red shoes, decorated with the Corona emblem.

“I won’t let you down, Dad.” Rapunzel said. 

The king smiled, touching her cheek gently. “I know you won’t, sweetie,” He paused. “Now, remember that when you become queen, many voices will demand to be heard. But when all is said and done, the voice in your heart is the one you should follow.”

Rapunzel smiled widely, and she hugged her father tightly. “Be safe.” Her mother said, climbing into the carriage after the king. 

“Don’t have too much fun without me.” Eileen told Maximus, who rolled his eyes and nudged her. Eileen laughed, waving with Rapunzel when the carriage left, growing smaller and smaller, until it finally rounded a corner and disappeared.

Eileen turned to Rapunzel. “They’re gone. Let’s go invade the neighboring kingdoms.”

Rapunzel smiled, though there was some anxiety in her eyes. “This’ll be fine. It’s only a few days, right?”

“Absolutely,” Eileen assured her. “You’ll be a great queen, and we’re all here to help if you need it.”

Rapunzel took a deep breath, and let it out. “You’re right. What am I worried about?”

“Kitchen raid!” Lance shouted, and the pub thugs cheered, thundering after him towards the kitchen.

“Hey!” Cassandra shouted, drawing a sword from who knows where and chasing them.

Eileen yelped, running after her. “Cassandra, no no! Make good choices! No bloodstains!”

*** *** ***

“No, no, it’s a little more to the left! Yeah, right there!” Eileen gave Hookfoot a thumbs up, and glanced back down at her papers.

“Now, aren’t we busy? Is this abuse of power I smell?” Lance said, coming up behind her.

“Hardly,” Eileen said. “Abuse of power would be tearing up those ugly evergreen bushes. Blondie asked me to do a check in on the renovations as part of her queenly duties.” She motioned to the terrace, where the pub thugs were hard at work painting and fixing the roof of the patio.

Lance snorted.

“It’s an important job,” Eileen said defensively. “She’s swamped in citizens asking for favors and bugging her. It’s the least I could do.”

“Heads up!” She started at the warning, but it was too late. A bucket of bright yellow paint landed on her head, and she stumbled back. She ripped it off, and glared up to where Hookfoot was looking at her sheepishly.

“Sorry, buddy!” He called down.

“Good to be the queen’s pal, huh?” Lance said, nudging her. 

“It’s fine,” Eileen said, flicking paint off of herself. “Not my fault everyone has the motor skills of a drunken whale.”

Another bucket of paint fell on her, this time bright orange. “That one was on purpose!” Hookfoot called down.

“I think I got that.” Eileen grumbled.

*** *** ***

“Hey, hey! Nigel!” Eileen ran ahead, seeing the royal advisor up ahead.

He was a difficult man to miss; tall and wiry with a big nose and dark hair. Eileen could count him as one of the only castle staff she got along well with. Everyone called her ‘miss’ or ‘ma’am’, but Nigel was one of the only people who said it without a sneer or a trace of sarcasm.

“Miss Fitzherbert, what can I-” He paused. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you covered in paint?” 

“What? I-oh. Small issue over the terrace renovations...but it’s alright! We worked it out! It looks great.” She smiled widely, though it felt strained.

“I see.” Nigel said.

“So, uh, how’s Rapunzel? Is she okay?” Eileen asked.

“The queen just finished up seeing her subjects,” Nigel said, with perfect professional crispness, but Eileen knew the man had a soft spot for Rapunzel. “There were...a lot of issues to be dealt with.”

“So...was it good? Bad? In-between?” Eileen asked.

Nigel pursed his lips. “Hard to say,” He said. “She did fine, if you ask me, but it was a lot. Especially for her first time as queen.”

“Ah,” Eileen nodded. “So...where is she?”

“Her room, I believe.” Nigel said.

“Thanks, Nigel,” Eileen said, starting to jog. “You’re the best!”

“Do try not to track paint everywhere, Miss Fitzherbert.” Nigel said with a ghost of a smile.

“Right, sorry.” She turned a corner, rushing to Rapunzel’s room and poking her head in. The new queen was sitting on the edge of her balcony, staring off into space.

Eileen coughed, coming in. “So…” She said. “How was the first day?”

Rapunzel got up, rushed over and hugged her tightly. 

Eileen stumbled back slightly, surprised. “Woah,” She said. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m just…” She sighed, looking distressed. “How am I ever going to do this?”

“Hey, hey, relax,” Eileen said. “And don’t hug me, I’m kind of multicolored and prone to staining people.”

Rapunzel let go, looking even more upset. 

“You only gotta hang in there one more day,” Eileen assured her. “Your parents will be back soon.”

“I know,” Rapunzel said. “But it’s not tomorrow I’m worried about. This is going to be my job someday. And...I’m not too sure I can handle it after all.”

“Well that,” Eileen said. “Is a load of bullshit. I mean, look at all the crazy things you’ve done since leaving the tower. Do you think you would’ve been able to do any of them if you stopped to worry about how you were going to do it?”

Rapunzel smiled slightly. 

“I know you didn’t choose this, but you of all people should know that when life hands you lemons, you…” She trailed off, smiling.

Rapunzel looked confused. “You…?” She gestured for Eileen to continue. 

Eileen blinked. “You don’t...oh, sorry. It’s an expression. ‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade’. It just means you gotta make the best out of a bad situation.” 

“Seems limited,” Rapunzel decided. “You can do a lot more things with lemons than just lemonade. Lemonade isn’t even that good.”

“I’m going to disregard your incorrect opinion,” Eileen said graciously. “Because what I mean to say is that you’re the toughest, most resilient person I’ve ever met. You’re the queen. Go with it.”

Rapunzel smiled, and Eileen felt emotion stir in her chest, and she shivered. And then shivered again. 

Something thick and white fell from the sky, and Eileen made a face. “Ugh, snow?! Seriously?!”

Rapunzel broke into a smile, standing up. “Oh my God!” She said, excited. “I’ve never been outside when it’s snowed before!”

“I have,” Eileen said, curling in on herself. “And you’re not missing much. It’s like rain but worse.”

“I like the rain.” Rapunzel said.

“To be fair, you like just about everything.” Eileen said.

“It’s beautiful.” Rapunzel said.

“It’s _cold_ ,” Eileen corrected. “And anyway, isn’t it too early for snow?”

Rapunzel gasped, running back inside. “Where are you going?” Eileen called after her.

“To enjoy life’s lemons!” She said excitedly.

“Hmph,” Eileen said, glaring at the sky. “At least someone is enjoying this.”

*** *** ***

“Loyal subjects of Corona!” Rapunzel declared the next morning.

It had snowed all night, and it still showed no signs of stopping. The world was covered in a thick, white blanket, and even though people still milled about, there was a frozen stillness in the air, the kind a fresh snowfall always brought. 

“As your temporary queen,” Rapunzel continued, barely able to contain her childlike glee. “I officially declare today a snow day!”

The crowd cheered, but even the uproar of noise did not shatter the stillness. It was as if two separate worlds had collided: one where the people of Corona still lived and breathed, and the other a quiet void of white and cold. The noise was temporary. The silence was default.

“Oh God.” Eileen said, gripping the banister tightly. The stairs had frozen overnight, and she struggled to keep her footing. Rapunzel slid past her with a whoop, sliding on the banister, followed closely by Lance.

“Keep up, Eileen!” Lance called.

Eileen carefully let go of the banister and edged forward. Almost immediately, she lost her balance, and twisted around in a panic, grappling for the banister. She managed to catch herself, panting. “There’s nothing worse than snow.” She muttered to herself.

“Hello, Ellie,” Cassandra said, sliding down easily on the banister and coming to a stop next to her. “Having some trouble?”

“I spoke too soon.” She decided. 

“Not built for the cold, are you?” Cassandra said.

“I’m built for all climates.” Eileen said, forcing herself to let go of the banister. She took a step forward, but once again her balance failed her, and she pitched forward with an ungraceful shriek, only coming to a stop once she reached the bottom of the stairs. Cassandra laughed loudly. 

“Try to keep up, Ellie.” Cassandra said, sliding past her easily.

“It’s Eileen-why do I even bother?!” She snapped.

*** *** ***

It was getting dark, and a harsher gust of wind blew, and Rapunzel stumbled. Eileen reached out, barely managing to catch her. The princess (no, the queen now) looked up and smiled gratefully. “Thanks Eileen.” 

“Mhm.” Eileen said, pushing her up, pretending like she didn’t have a million butterflies in her stomach.

“Guess I’m still getting used to this weather,” Rapunzel said. “Does it always snow this much?”

“It’s called the Sun Kingdom for a reason,” Eileen said. “So, no.”

“It has once,” Xavier said, huddled by a fire. “At least, according to legend.”

“Legend?” Rapunzel asked, edging close to the fire. Eileen was glad to follow.

“The Legend of Zhan Tiri,” Xavier said, his voice settling into a dramatic, storytelling mode. “Eons ago, and evil warlock, Zhan Tiri, had a deep hatred for Corona, and cast a spell that caused a blizzard to sweep across the land. The storm destroyed everything in its path. All would have been lost, had it not been for the ancient engineer and inventor, Lord Demantius.

“Using both magic and science, Demantius built a massive subterranean machine, deep in the Corona mountains. This mighty device had the ability to change the direction of the wind, and it pushed the flurries out to sea. The day was saved. Zhan Tiri had indeed been defeated. But some say the curse of the storm lives on and is simply waiting to strike again.” Xavier smiled at the small crowd’s entranced expression. He may have been a blacksmith, but he was also a hell of a storyteller.

“Waiting?” Rapunzel asked. “For what?”

“For Corona to be at its weakest.” Xavier shrugged. 

Rapunzel pursed her lips, and Eileen could already see what was going through her head. “But it’s only a legend. Right, Xavier?” She asked.

Xavier chuckled. “My dear, every legend is born of truth.”

 _Thanks, but not helping the confidence crisis,_ Eileen thought dryly. 

“Alright!” Eileen said. “Way to keep the party going, Xavier.”

A gust picked up, and Eileen stumbled, struggling to keep her footing. The wind wailed like a starving, dying animal, and Eileen shivered, not entirely from the biting cold. The fire blew out, losing the fight against the freezing dark.

“Okay!” Rapunzel shouted over the howls and shrieks of angry snow. “I think for everyone’s safety, we should all head indoors!”

The people seemed to agree with her, starting to fight their way back to their homes. Eileen turned, only to pause when she heard a shriek that was not the wind, but something alive and desperate.

She turned, startled to see Maximus, racing towards her as if the wind had no effect on him, something fearful in his eyes. “Max!” Rapunzel said, sprinting to the horse and hugging him tightly.

Maximus was heaving with exertion, shivering, though from cold, exhaustion, or both, Eileen couldn’t tell. “What happened?” Rapunzel said, and then her voice took on a note of panic. “Where are my parents?!”

Maximus whinnied, though it sounded pained. 

The captain knelt by Maximus’ broken harness. “It looks like there was an accident up on the mountain.” He said softly. 

“Accident?” Rapunzel asked softly.

The captain was quiet, and Maximus hung his head, ashamed. Rapunzel covered her mouth in horror, and Eileen saw her eyes fill with tears. 

The wind became angrier, as if upset at Maximus had escaped its influence, and Eileen did fall this time, her hood flying off. The cold seemed rapid, biting and stinging furiously at any exposed part of her body like a wasp.

Rapunzel somehow managed to stand her ground. “Everyone! Take shelter in the castle!” She shouted, and her voice carried over the screams and wails of the storm. People started fighting to make it to the castle, and Eileen rushed to help.

It felt like hours before she finally shut the doors, and the storm clawed at the door, begging to be let it. Maximus laid down by the fire, still shivering. Eileen approached her, and he looked up at her with open shame in his eyes. She reached out and scratched his ears. “You’re alright, buddy.” She said softly. Maximus nickered.

Rapunzel threw herself into her tasks, passing out blankets and making warm drinks for her huddled subjects, offering empty words of comfort and a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. 

Eileen did her best, checking in and offering her own comforts, but she never seemed to be able to make anyone believe her. Part of the Rapunzel charm, she supposed. She was able to make anyone smile even as she herself was breaking down.

“My dear,” She heard Nigel whisper fervently to her. “You can’t abandon your kingdom in its darkest hour. Going out in that weather is a death sentence. I…” He paused, looking pained. “I...don’t want to sound harsh, but all we can do is pray your parents found shelter. You cannot leave. Your kingdom needs you.”

“I’ll go.” Eileen said, the words popping out before she could process them.

Nigel and Rapunzel turned to her in surprise. 

“You heard Nigel,” Rapunzel said. “It’s a death trap.”

“Maybe if you don’t know the mountains,” Eileen said. “I do. They used to be a great hideout, and I could navigate them with my eyes shut.”

“You’ll die out there alone.” Nigel said.

“She won’t be alone,” Eileen felt Lance’s hand fall on her shoulder, and she looked back to see him and the rest of the pub thugs, looking determined. “We owe this to your parents for giving us a second chance.”

“Your Highness, the guards really should be the ones to go.” The captain said.

“If this storm keeps up, things could get ugly,” Eileen said. “The kingdom will need it’s guards.”

“The captain was quiet. “Your Highness,” He said softly. “It’s your call.”

Rapunzel was quiet, and Eileen realized with a start that if she were in her shoes, she would have never made it this far without breaking down. But then, Rapunzel was like a diamond. Delicate looking, but nearly impossible to break.

And also just as beautiful.

Rapunzel nodded to Eileen. “Go,” And then, unable to keep up the professionalism, she threw her arms around Eileen. “Come back,” She whispered. “You promised you wouldn’t leave. So you have to come back.”

“I will,” Eileen said, hugging her back tightly. “I promise.”

And the storm, ever the vengeful, screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh remember when we all thought queen for a day was gonna be a fun little holiday special and then we all had to watch varian (fourteen years old) sob and beg for his father :)))) good times :))))
> 
> also, i know not many people are currently reading this, but active readers, how do we feel about taking a massive canon divergence down the line to shake things up a bit???
> 
> also does anyone know what the seven kingdoms actually are because i only know like four of them :/


	11. Queen For a Day (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOO THIS ONE GOES HARD I THINK AND NOW WE GET TO START SOME A N G S T 
> 
> also looks like we're doing the canon divergence so i guess its time to rewrite book two but thats okay!!!!!
> 
> Me, watching this episode for the first time and knowing full damn well that pascal is fine because i saw the wedding special for tangled literally years earlier and had also rewatched it recently at the time: oh my god they killed the chameleon 
> 
> anyway~

“Sure you’re up for another trip, Max?” Eileen asked the horse. “It’s okay for you to stay back-”

Maximus whinnied loudly, as though Eileen had insulted him. “Okay, okay!” She smiled in spite of herself. “Just offering.”

He snorted, nudging her. She glanced at Lance and the other gathered thugs. “You don’t have to go,” She said. “I’ll be alright.”

“First of all, no, you won’t,” Lance said. “Second, I promised the princess I’d take care of you.”

Eileen scowled. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

“She still made me promise,” Lance said. “So here I am.”

“S-she did?” Eileen asked, pretending to adjust Maximus’ saddlebag so Lance didn’t see her blush. “I didn’t know that.”

“Mhm.” Lance said.

“Besides,” Hookfoot said. “There’s no way we’d let you go out there alone.”

Big Nose nodded. “You talk a big game, but you’re going to need our help. That’s what friends are for, after all.”

“Ah,” Eileen said, oddly emotional. “I...thanks.”

The captain glanced at her, hand on the door. “Ready?”

Eileen pulled her hood up and glanced back at the men behind her. “Yeah,” She said, facing the door. “I am.”

The captain opened the door to the monster outside.

*** *** ***

Oddly, the stillness was still there.

The two worlds collided still, but instead of the world with Corona in it, it was a world of stillness and white, and a world of screams, anger, and pain. The stillness would win out, eventually, it was only a matter of time. The monster was simply paving the way for it.

Eileen winced in the cold immediately, feeling the chill spread through her body like a poison. Maximus snorted, but never faltered, even as the wind slammed into him from every direction, trying to throw him off his feet.

He started marching forward, head down to fight the wind. “What’s the plan?” Lance shouted, barely audible over the screaming storm.

“Find Rapunzel’s parents and get them to safety!” Eileen said. “We’ll improvise!”

“What if they’re…” Vladimir trailed off, unable to finish the question that Eileen knew was on everyone’s mind.

She refused to be the one to bring it to light, as though mentioning the elephant in the room would bring it to life. “We’ll cross that bridge if we get to it.”

_If. If if if if, it’s not even an if, they’re alive. They have to be._

She fought her way through the wind, refusing to listen to the monster’s taunts of hopelessness, and the promise of an icy, lonely death in the mountain, buried and hidden, maybe forever. 

The numbness became status quo, and soon she was detached from everything except Maximus right in front of her, her only goals to move one foot in front of the other, to traverse the wasteland and never stop long enough to let the cold set in. Because if she let it, it would gobble her up and spit out her bones and whatever else it couldn’t digest.

She slipped, and it snapped her out of her stupor. Lance grabbed her arm, and she nodded in thanks. They were on the mountain edge. How long had they been walking? Minutes? Hours? If someone had told her days, she might have believed it. 

The mountain groaned, and Eileen stumbled back as snow rushed down, barely missing her. When it stopped, their path was blocked. “No!” She cried, voice hoarse. “God, fuck!” She rushed to the snow pile, stepping experimentally into it, but the snow was too soft, and her foot sank in. 

“No!” She said again, dread building in her stomach. This couldn’t be the end, but the wind sounded like cruel laughter now.

Maximus whinnied, hooves at the edge of the cliff, looking at something below. Eileen rushed to his side, struggling to see through the white. 

On a precarious ledge, the royal carriage lay on it’s side. 

“There!” Eileen pointed, waving over the thugs. “Good job, Max!”

Maximus snorted, redeemed. “How do we get down there?” Lance asked. 

“We’ll have to reach them by taking that ledge.” Eileen pointed again to a rail-thin rock face. It looked slick and mean.

“That tiny thing?” Lance asked incredulously. “You’d sooner find a horse down there than me.”

Maximus snorted, insulted, and started to edge down the cliff face, followed by Eileen. “That is one determined horse.” Lance mumbled, following after a moment.

“Your Majesties!” Vladimir shouted down to the carriage.

“Sh!” Eileen said, looking up to see the piles of snow that looked far too unbalanced. “They won’t be able to hear you. And you can’t cause an avalanche. We’ll be buried alive out here.”

Vladimir winced, but nodded. 

They managed to make their way right in front of the carriage, about a hundred feet above. Eileen squinted, but she couldn’t tell if anyone was inside. “Okay,” She said. “Big Nose, get the rope. I’m gonna go down there.”

“You’re kidding.” Lance said.

“Unless you have a better idea,” Eileen said grimly. “I’m the smallest one here, it makes the most sense for me to go down.”

Lance pursed his lips, and sighed. “I’m not gonna be able to talk you out of this?”

“Nope.” Eileen said, popping the ‘p’.

“Just don’t tell Rapunzel.” Lance said. Big Nose handed her the rope, and she tied it tightly around her waist. Hookfoot tied the other end of the rope to Maximus’ saddle pommel. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” She said, and nodded at the others. Slowly, she climbed over the edge, making her way down to the ledge. She still couldn’t see any movement. She fought the image of two frozen corpses, but it popped into her mind anyway.

Her foot slipped, and she cried out, falling several feet before the slack tightened and jerked on her painfully. “Christ.” She whispered, voice wobbly.

“Eileen! Are you okay?!” Lance shouted. 

“Sh!” She called back, managed to find her footing on the sheer cliff edge. But the mountain groaned again, this time with more weight to it. As if in slow motion, the snow edged over the cliff, racing down to meet her.

“Fuck.” She managed to say, because what else could she say?

The snow snatched her up and rushed her to the ground, but she stopped moving before she even realized she had started. The weight was immense, pushing down on her like Vladimir was sitting on her chest. She couldn’t breathe, freezing evil snow smothering her and restraining her from thrashing. Her lungs burned, and she wondered how she was so unlucky as to die of suffocation and cold-

She gasped when something moved the snow from her face. The queen peered at her, concerned. Eileen coughed, and managed to grin. “Hello, Your Majesty,” She said. “Nice weather we’re having.”

“Eileen? What are you doing here?” She asked.

“Here to rescue you,” She said. “And it was going well…” She fought to dislodge her arm, and only just managed to do so, waving up at the others. They waved back, and while she couldn’t see their expressions, she imagined they were relieved. 

The queen helped dig her out, looking worried. “Frederic hurt his ankle.” She said.

“How bad is it?” Eileen asked.

“I don’t think it’s broken, only sprained. But he can’t put weight on it.” She said.

“Got it.” She said, following the queen into the carriage.

The king perked up, surprised to see her. He was shivering, and his right leg was stretched out, but otherwise, he looked unharmed. “Eileen? I-is Rapunzel alright?”

“She’s fine,” Eileen said. “We’re on a rescue mission. You can’t put any weight on your ankle?” 

“I can walk with help. Not well, though.” The king said.

“Okay…” Eileen said, nodding. The dread was starting to die away, despite the screaming monster outside. “Okay! That’s fine. I can work with this. We’re gonna get the queen up first, Your Majesty.”

He nodded, but the queen pursed her lips. “He’ll be right up after you,” Eileen assured her. “There’s just no use in making you wait while I get him set up.” 

The queen forced herself to nod, and Eileen poked her head out of the carriage, waving for the rope to be thrown down. They complied, and the queen grabbed on, and she was pulled up.

Eileen took a wheel off of the carriage, and then went back in. “Can you crawl out? I can help you stand after that.”

The king nodded, and managed to edge his way out of the carriage, though his face was pinched in pain. Eileen looped her arm under his, pulling him to his feet, acting as his crutch. 

The rope was thrown back down, and Eileen tied it around the wheel to act as a sort of lift for the king. She helped him into it and breathed out. “Just hold on. We’ll be home in no time.” The king nodded, and he started to rise, pulled up slowly and surely.

The monster wailed at his escape, and the wind leapt at the chance for more pain. The chair rocked, and Eileen heard shouting from the top of the ledge. “No, no no! Fuck!” She cried, waving her arms uselessly. The king shouted, and his chair tilted violently, snapping the rope. 

He fell, landing in a pile of snow and sliding towards the edge of a cliff. “No!” Eileen shouted, leaping forward, just barely managing to catch his hand as he went over the edge.

“Fuck,” She gasped, because they were past royal etiquette at this point. “I got you, Your Majesty, holy Christ-”

She felt herself start to slide, and she cried out, grabbing into the snow. But it gave in on her, almost seeming to laugh as she inched closer and closer to the abyss. The king looked down, and then back up at her, a distantly sad expression on his face

“Eileen-” The king said, but she shook her head.

“Save the martyrdom for another day, Your Majesty.” She said.

“Take care of Rapunzel.” He said, refusing to show fear.

“With all due respect, Your Majesty,” She said through gritted teeth. “Rapunzel doesn’t need anyone to take care of her.”

The king’s hand started to slip, and Eileen felt herself panic. She didn’t know what would give first: her hand, or the snow. “No no no-”

The king’s fingers slipped through her’s, and she cried out, because she couldn’t imagine going back to Rapunzel and having to tell her that she watched her father plummet to his death while she yelled curses, unable to do anything but watch helplessly-

Another hand shot out, reaching down farther to grab the king by the wrist. “Lance!” Eileen cried, oddly near tears.

Lance grunted, pulling the king up, and Eileen reached down and grabbed his other hand. The heaved together, and pulled him over the side, safe from the ledge. She opened her mouth to speak, but there was a strange buzzing in the air, and a light from the mountain not far from them.

A huge ball of white-blue light burst from the top, followed by a windstorm shooting straight up, and then out, shooting out and spreading across the landscape. Eileen shut her eyes as a powerful gust of wind swept over her, strangely quiet in comparison to the screaming monster from before, and-

The storm stopped.

Snow still fell, but in fat, friendly flakes that melted away when they touched your skin instead of sticking like angry burrs. Eileen blinked, holding her hand out experimentally, but the snowflakes melted away when they touched her gloved hand.

“What…” Lance paused, panting. “What happened?”

Eileen swallowed hard. Her lips felt chapped and rough. “I...I think Rapunzel found the weather machine.”

The king was pale, but he looked Eileen in the eye. “Thank you.” He said quietly, and she felt her face split into a smile.

The king glanced at Lance, and his brow furrowed. “Is...that my hat?”

*** *** ***

It was slower getting back, despite the improved weather, or maybe it was because Eileen was no longer on autopilot, she now could measure the distance.

There was no big celebration when they entered the castle. Everyone was too busy picking up the pieces of their lives to throw a party, and honestly, Eileen had a feeling no one wanted to celebrate barely surviving. 

She didn’t feel much like celebrating either. More so like piling under a million blankets, and sleeping until summer came. 

And anyway, seeing Rapunzel was all the celebration she needed. 

The now-princess burst into tears at the sight of them, throwing her arms around Eileen and sobbing. Eileen hugged back tightly, finding herself near her emotional end as well, but she forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat.

“Is...I thought...oh my God, Eileen, first Pascal and then I thought-” She broke off into sobs again, squeezing Eileen as if afraid she would disappear.

“I’m alright,” Eileen managed to say. “We’re all okay. Your dad hurt his ankle, but it’s just a sprain. Hey...” She pushed Rapunzel back gently, lifting her chin so she could look in her eyes. She smiled, but it felt delicate. “I said I’d come back, right?” 

Rapunzel sniffed, nodding. “Y-yeah.”

Eileen paused, seeing something strange behind her eyes. The tears weren’t all pent up stress and relief. She opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, but Rapunzel shook her head; later.

Eileen nodded, letting her go to hug her parents. She sighed, feeling exhaustion hit her like a brick, and she slumped, turning and starting to trudge to the palace. Nigel glanced at her, reaching out, but she shook her head.

“‘M fine.” She managed to say, but she didn’t look him in the eye, because she knew if she did she would start to cry, which was _stupid_ because everyone was fine, she was fine, Rapunzel was fine and the snow was melting away-

“Just tired.” She said, waving him off.

She felt oddly dizzy, and she stumbled down the halls to her room, shutting the door behind her. It closed loudly. It felt too loud, and she winced, shaky.

She caught a look at herself in the mirror and paused. A heavily coated stranger stared back at her, hair static from a hat that blew off a million years ago, face whiter than the melting snow, eyes red and watery. A lump formed in Eileen’s throat, and the stranger’s lip quivered dangerously. 

She collapsed onto her bed, and instantly fell asleep.

*** *** ***

Eileen had no idea how long she slept, but when she woke up, it was dark outside.

And she still felt exhausted. 

She sat up, surprised to find she was covered in a blanket and her shoes were off. She was fairly certain she had just passed out.

She got up, leaving her room and walking silently down the hall, going to Rapunzel’s room without even realizing it. She peeked in, and paused. Rapunzel was awake, sitting on her windowsill and staring at the moon. 

Eileen knocked lightly, and Rapunzel glanced back at her and smiled. But the smile was still...missing something.

“Mind if I come in?” Eileen said.

“Of course not.” Rapunzel turned to face her.

Eileen came in slowly, unsure of entirely what to say or do. “I...how long was I out?” 

“A while. About…” She paused, doing the math in her head. “Twelve hours.”

“Hm.” Eileen said, sitting down. 

“You were tired, I’m sure.” Rapunzel said.

“I’m still tired. I feel like sleeping took more energy.” Eileen said, acutely aware of how flat her voice was.

“I checked on you,” Rapunzel admitted. “I...had a nightmare.”

“I see,” Eileen said, deciding not to press her on it. “Did you by chance take off my shoes?”

Rapunzel giggled. “I dunno. Just wanted you to be comfortable.”

“Well, thanks.” Eileen said. She paused, feeling something scuttle on her shoulder. Pascal, blinking sleepily at her. She smiled. “Hey buddy,” She frowned, noticing his black eye. “Did you get in a little lizard fight?”

“He almost died.” Rapunzel said, voice suddenly thick.

Eileen wanted to slap herself for the thoughtless joke. “What?”

“When…” Rapunzel took a breath to steady herself, and Eileen moved closer. “When we were turning on Lord Dementius’ machine, a rock got stuck in the gears. I lowered Pascal with my hair, but he couldn’t reach. He untied himself and…” Her eyes were brimming with tears. “I...I thought I lost him.”

Eileen handed Pascal over to Rapunzel, who pressed the chameleon close to her cheek, shaking. Pascal squeaked softly, nudging her cheek.

“He’s alright,” Eileen said softly. “It’ll take a lot more than a machine to take him out. He’s a tough cookie.” She winked at Pascal, who smiled.

“I-I know, it’s just…” Rapunzel sniffed, trying to control herself. “I really...I thought he was gone for a minute, and I just started thinking what if something happened to Lance and Vladimir and Big Nose and Hookfoot and Max, and what if my parents didn’t find shelter, or if something happened to you-” Her voice broke, and Eileen touched her shoulder gently, and then (screw her touch reservations, Rapunzel was damn near having a breakdown) pulled her into a hug.

Rapunzel didn’t sob like before, that panic was gone. Now it was just a release, her emotions finally crashing down as the weight of the near disaster sunk in. “I’m alright,” Eileen said softly. “We’re all alright.”

“But it’s not,” Rapunzel sniffed hard, managing to look up at Eileen. “Varian…” She wiped her nose. “Varian came, during the snowstorm, begging for help. Something...something happened to his dad.”

“What, because of the storm?” Eileen said.

“I don’t...I don’t think so,” Rapunzel’s expression turned guilty, and she looked down again. “Those...remember those black rocks?”

“The scary spiky ones that you think gave you back your hair? Yeah, what about them?” Eileen asked.

“Varian...Varian said they’re spreading across Old Corona and...and it’s getting really bad. I...I don’t know what to do about it.” Rapunzel said. She hugged Eileen, hiding her face. “And...I knew about it for a while. I wanted to tell you, I swear! But...my dad was angry, and Cassandra didn’t want any more of the secret to get out, and honestly I kind of just forgot about them after a while...I…” She broke off, shaking.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Eileen said. “I’m not mad. I just...what does that have to do with Quirin?” 

“I don’t know, Varian didn’t say. Just that his dad was in trouble, it had to do with the rocks, and that I was the only person who could help. And…” She hugged Eileen tightly, almost desperately. “Oh God, I...I threw him out, I couldn’t help him. There were just so many people, and we had to evacuate, and...and I _promised_ him I would help with the rocks…”

“Rapunzel,” Eileen pushed her back gently so she could look at her. “None of this is your fault. You did what you had to do in a tough situation. You saved Corona. If you had left to help Varian, we’d all be ice sculptures by now.”

Rapunzel’s eyes filled with tears. “I…” She lost the battle with control. “I really thought you were going to die out there.” She said in a voice that wasn’t even a whisper.

“Well, I didn’t,” Eileen said softly. “I promised you I wouldn’t leave. So I won’t.”

“Ever?” Rapunzel asked.

“Don’t say ‘ever’, you’re gonna want a loophole when you get sick of me.” Eileen smiled.

Rapunzel groaned, letting her head drop on Eileen’s shoulder. “Don’t even joke about that.” 

“Sorry.” She said, and went quiet, staring out the window with Rapunzel. The snow was gone, except for a few patches that clung stubbornly to the rooftops, and stars twinkled peacefully.

“...it’s all so fucked up.” Rapunzel said.

Eileen wanted to comment on her language, but she couldn’t find the energy. “It is.” She agreed.

Rapunzel sighed. “I can’t sleep. Nightmares.”

“About…?” Eileen asked, feeling like it was safer to ask now.

“Stuff. The storm. The tower. Just…” She sighed. “Everything.”

Eileen stood up, grabbing Rapunzel’s sofa and dragging it across the room. Rapunzel glanced at her. “What...what are you doing?”

“Making soup,” She said sarcastically, picking up some extra pillows and a blanket. “We’re gonna have a sleepover.”

Rapunzel tilted her head. 

“Look, I’m still exhausted, and you have bad dreams,” Eileen said, setting herself up. “So I’m just gonna stay right here.”

“You will?” Rapunzel said, voice small and hopeful.

“If you have a bad dream, just throw a pillow at me and wake me up.” Eileen said.

“Only if you do the same.” Rapunzel said.

“I don’t have nightmares.” Eileen said.

“Don’t lie.” Rapunzel said.

Eileen winced, unnerved with how easily Rapunzel saw through her. It was happening more often. She would have to do better at hiding her emotions. “Christ, do you have a crystal ball or something?”

“We…” Rapunzel paused. “We have to stick together. That’s how we always do it, right? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing…” She paused. “Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.”

Eileen was quiet, making herself comfortable. “...alright, Blondie, you got yourself a deal. I’ll wake you up if I have a nightmare.”

Rapunzel smiled, climbing back into her bed. Pascal scuttled to his little perch and closed his eyes.

“Goodnight Eileen.”

“Goodnight Rapunzel.”

And she didn’t have a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes theres a she ra reference fight me
> 
> rapunzel got to use her fuck!!!!
> 
> see you guys friday :)


	12. Painter's Block

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i took my covid test on tuesday, it came back negative  
> and i-  
> i wake up, not even TWENTY FOUR HOURS LATER WITH ALL THE SYMPTOMS OF COVID ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS  
> i wrote about corona so much it just came to me ig  
> anyway im getting tested again today so wish me luck

“I want to paint this mural for the new art gallery, I really do,” Rapunzel said. “I just...can’t.”

“Sounds like you’re having a painter’s block.” Cassandra said.

“Painter’s block?” Rapunzel asked skeptically. “You mean like writer’s block?”

“Yeah, you’re just having a hard time being creative, is all.” Cassandra said.

Rapunzel scowled. “That’s never happened to me before.”

“Well, this time you’re painting more than for fun,” Eileen said. “It makes sense you’d be unsure what to do.”

“What the princess needs is a way to punch through the painter’s block.” Lance said. 

“Or just some inspiration.” Eileen said.

“Inspiration!” Rapunzel grinned. “Perfect! Come on, Pascal!” She rushed out past Eileen.

Eileen glanced at the blank canvas. “The king said that the citizens could submit their own art, right?”

“I wouldn’t, Ellie,” Cassandra said. “You might hurt yourself.”

“You’re hilarious.” Eileen said dryly. She glared at Lance when he fought a smile.

“Damn traitor.”

*** *** ***

“What do you think?” Rapunzel asked excitedly, gesturing to her painting. She had evidently enrolled in an art class run by an old woman called Ms. Sugarby, and was overjoyed to be painting again.

Eileen tilted her head. It was a dead tree sitting in a blue pot. Nothing more, nothing less. “I mean, she got you painting again. It’s a start.”

“You don’t like it?” Rapunzel asked.

“I didn’t say that,” Eileen said defensively. “It’s...you know, not your usual style. Honestly, there’s not much to like or dislike.”

Rapunzel scowled. 

“What?” Eileen asked. “I’m just saying you forgot to add in the part where you make it...you know. A Rapunzel painting.”

“Well,” Rapunzel said shortly. “Maybe I don’t need to put my own spin on everything, Eileen.” She grabbed the painting, nearly knocking over Pascal, and stormed off. 

“It’s just like Ms. Sugarby says,” Rapunzel said. “‘All things have their own beauty’.”

“Blondie,” Eileen said slowly. “It’s a dead tree.”

Rapunzel’s scowl deepened, and she slammed the door as she walked out. Eileen glanced at Pascal. “Was it something I said?”

*** *** ***

Eileen sat in the tiny boat, staring at the water with a vague irritation. Rapunzel had agreed to meet her here to hang out nearly a week before. But the clock ticked on, and she was a no show.

“I know she didn’t forget,” She told Pascal, who was sitting on her shoulders. “She’s like an elephant with these things.”

Pascal chittered in agreement. “You think she’s still mad at me about the stupid dead tree painting?” She asked. Pascal shrugged.

“Thanks for the support,” She grumbled, and jumped when he flicked her in the ear with his tongue. “Hey!”

“Hi.” Rapunzel said, seeming to appear out of thin air.

“There you are!” Eileen said, offering her hand to help her down. “I’ve been waiting for-why the fuck are you wearing shoes?!”

Rapunzel made a face, flexing her ankle. “Did that really require that reaction?”

“Absolutely,” Eileen said, staring at the plain brown flats. “Is someone dying? Are you dying?”

“Be serious, Eileen.” Rapunzel said, sitting across from her in the boat.

“I am serious!” Eileen said. “What’s going on here? You’re acting...not-Rapunzel.”

Rapunzel blinked. “What do you mean?”

“You’re late. You’re wearing shoes. I-Christ…” She sighed, scooting slightly closer. “Look, we both know you haven’t really been yourself lately. Since the whole, you know, storm thing, you changed. You’re afraid to take chances, to shake things up, and live every second to the fullest. It’s like you’re afraid to be...you.” 

Rapunzel looked down. “And life’s really boring when you’re not you.” Eileen said.

Eileen sighed, looking at her hands. “Look, I know you had to make some really tough calls when your parents were gone, but queen or not, making difficult choices is just a part of life.”

Rapunzel was quiet, drumming her fingers on the wooden side on the boat. It sent chills up Eileen’s spine, though she had no idea why. 

“Making difficult choices is a part of life.” Rapunzel repeated, her face hidden and voice hollow. She turned back to Eileen with such sudden anger that Eileen leaned back, startled.

“Part of life?!” She snapped. “Really?! Is me turning my back on Varian when he’s desperately begging for my help part of life?!” Her eyes fell on Pascal. “Is Pascal deciding if he should risk his life a tough call?!”

Eileen blinked, shocked, and Rapunzel stood up. “Tell you what, Eileen,” She said, voice venomous. “The day you have to choose whether to put the entire fate of a kingdom in the hands of a fairy tale is the day we can chat about difficult choices.”

“Don’t take it out on me,” Eileen said, adding just a bit of her own venom, stung. “I was just trying to talk.”

“Well, you talk a lot,” Rapunzel said. “Most of it isn’t important.”

“Sorry to have wasted your time then, princess.” Eileen said.

“Just leave me alone!” Rapunzel snapped, climbing out of the boat.

Nine times out of ten, Eileen could run circles around people in verbal fights in terms of insults and comebacks, but...it was Rapunzel. She never needed to be on her toes around her. But…

She glanced at Pascal, who looked like he was at a loss as well. “Something’s...wrong.” Eileen said, and Pascal chittered in nervous agreement.

*** *** ***

“Cass,” Eileen said, striding into Cassandra’s room, bubbling with nervous energy. “This is really important, so I’m gonna have to insult you later, okay? What’s going on with Rapunzel?”

Cassandra didn’t answer, staring at something in front of her. Eileen followed her gaze, and blinked in surprise. There were two identical paintings of the same dead tree in a blue pot that Rapunzel had painted. “That’s Rapunzel’s tree.” Eileen said, confused.

“Rapunzel’s tree?” Cassandra asked. “These were painted by Ulf and Friedborg.”

“Ulf?” Eileen asked. She knew who Friedborg was; the scary handmaiden who didn’t blink. 

Cassandra sighed. “Your mime friend.”

“I didn’t know he had a name,” Eileen admitted. “I just called him Mime.”

“Over the last two days, several people have gone missing,” Cassandra said. “Everyone who disappeared had one thing in common.”

Pascal squeaked in alarm, and Eileen felt a pit form in her stomach. “Rapunzel’s painting class.”

*** *** ***

Cassandra pulled aside the curtain to the little tent that had been used as the makeshift art class. The shadows inside seemed unnatural, curvy and distorted, all cast by the little dead tree in the middle of the room, surrounded by identical paintings of it.

“Christ Almighty, this is spooky as hell,” Eileen said. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?” She asked Cassandra.

“I don’t know,” Cassandra said softly, holding up her lantern, though it seemed to do little to pierce the shadows. “But we need answers. There’s more to this Sugarby than-”

An easel collapsed onto the floor, and Eileen and Cassandra jumped. Pascal squeaked in fear, turning the same color as Eileen’s vest. Cassandra drew her sword, and Eileen popped her tiny knife out, feeling like she had underprepared. 

There was thrashing in the corner, and Cassandra moved her light to reveal Xavier, trussed up and gagged. He tried to yell something at them, but it was unintelligible. Eileen jerked her head around, bad memories from the last time something like this had happened popping into her mind, but the tent appeared to be empty.

“Xavier!” Cassandra gasped, rushing forward and yanking the gag off. “What happened?!”

“Sugarby,” Xavier said grimly, rubbing his wrists and rising to his feet when Cassandra freed him. “She’s not who she says she is.”

“We kinda figured that out a while ago.” Eileen said.

Xavier shook his head. “No. She’s worse than you can imagine. Cassandra,” He turned to her. “When we used the Demantius device to stop the great storm, we unwittingly freed something. Something terrible. The Disciples of Zhan Tiri.”

“Zhan Tiri?” Eileen asked. “The evil magic guy?” She glanced at Cassandra. “Great job, Cass. We got ghosts on the loose now.”

“Shut it, Ellie.” Cassandra snapped. 

“Lord Demantius was in a constant battle with Zhan Tiri and his brethren,” Xavier continued. “Over the years, Demantius captured many of the evil spirits and held them prisoner in that chamber.”

“So,” Cassandra said, horror mounting in her voice. “What you’re saying is, when we used that device, we may have freed one of the spirits and…” She trailed off.

“And now, one of the minions is trying to free their master,” Xavier said. “I’m afraid she’s going to use the princess and the others to do it. Rapunzel is in grave danger.” 

“Fuck.” Eileen said, and Xavier simply nodded in agreement.

*** *** ***

“Are you sure this is the way?!” Eileen shouted over the pounding of Fidella and Maximus’ hooves. Pascal gripped her shoulder tightly. 

“Xavier said Sugarby’s ceremony would take place at Janus Point!” Cassandra yelled back. 

Maximus snorted, picking up more speed, stones and dirt flying out behind him. Ahead, there was a bright flash of pink light, and Maximus skidded to a stop, whinnying.

There was a tall, dead tree on the edge of a cliff, every curve and groove pulsating with a pink light. Five people were gathered around it, each painting something, their eyes blank and white. Eileen counted Ulf, Friedbord, Feldspar the cobbler, Lance (and oh God she hadn’t even realized he was missing, what was wrong with her-) and finally, with her back to her, Rapunzel.

“Rapunzel!” Eileen shouted, but Rapunzel didn’t move, painting the dead tree. Ms. Sugarby, on the other hand, whirled around, and her face twisted into something angry.

“Let them go, Sugarby.” Cassandra demanded. 

“Please,” The old woman smiled. “Sugarby was merely a vessel I chose to suit my purpose.” She smiled, and her face cracked grotesquely with sickening green light, and there was a huge flash. Maximus reared, and when the light died, there was a hunched, green figure, holding a staff with a skeletal ram’s head design on the top.

“I am Sugracha the Eternal,” The spirit declared. “And I can take so many forms!”

“This form sucks,” Eileen said. “Try a different one.”

“Ellie, you get Rapunzel to snap out of it!” Cassandra said, charging Sugracha, who cackled wildly. She raised her sword, but the witch held out her staff, and a beam of green light shot out, and Fidella froze, Cassandra’s sword still raised, and she looked startled.

“Shit!” Eileen cried, and Maximus charged forward, trying to dodge the attack, but he wasn’t quite fast enough. He froze, and Eileen felt her body seize up as though electrocuted, and she bit back a shriek. 

“Blondie, it’s me!” She shouted desperately.

Rapunzel turned this time, and the blank white faded from her eyes, and she looked confused. “Eileen?” She asked.

The pink light from the tree shot into the sky, opening a sort of window into somewhere else. Eileen saw the silhouette of...something. It was a person. People didn’t have claws and horns. People didn’t have tentacles for legs. The thing wailed something that made Eileen’s teeth vibrate.

Sugracha shrieked in glee, raising her arms. Eileen and Cassandra were lifted up, and floated to the cliff edge. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, why is it always heights?!” Eileen said shrilly, seeing her feet dangle above nothing.

“Don’t let them fall!” Rapunzel said, looking like she had a headache. “Please.”

Sugracha’s green body twisted, and there was Ms. Sugarby again, looking sympathetic. “My dear,” She crooned. “Whether or not they fall is completely up to you. Finish my spell, and I’ll spare them. The choice is yours.”

She thumped her staff, and Rapunzel’s eyes went white for a moment before she shook it off. “Think about how much simpler and easier everything could be if you just finish that painting,” Ms. Sugarby said, gently pushing Rapunzel’s hand towards the canvas. “No more self-doubt. No more regret. No more difficult choices. Give into Zhan Tiri.” 

The beast roared, and Eileen clenched her teeth. “Rapunzel, you’ve got to stop this,” She said desperately. “I know you can hear me!”

Rapunzel clenched her fist, flipping her brush so the opposite end faced the canvas. “Difficult choices make us who we are.” She said firmly.

Ms. Sugarby opened her mouth, but Rapunzel raised her arms and drove the end of the paintbrush into the canvas, ripping it down the middle. The spirit wailed with the force of a thousand demons, twisting into her true form. “NOOOOOO!”

The canvas caught on fire, and it spread through the tree and the other canvases as though it was soaked in kerosene. Within seconds, the canvases were nothing but ash. The tree exploded into pink flames, and then collapsed into sour smelling dust.

“What have you done?!” Sugracha demanded. The green hold on Fidella and Maximus disappeared, and the mare rushed forward, turning and kicking Sugracha with all her might into the rapidly closing window. She flew inside it, and with one last scream, she was gone.

And Cassandra, Eileen, and Pascal started to fall.

Eileen screamed, arms windmilling uselessly as if she could fly away. Her hand brushed something, and she grabbed it. Rapunzel’s golden hair. Cassandra grabbed her arm, and Eileen grit her teeth from the strain. 

She started sliding, and she realized Rapunzel was being pulled toward the edge of the cliff. She met Cassandra’s eyes; wide and terrified. 

Two plain brown flats fell into the pointed rocks below, and the slipping stopped. Eileen laughed, slightly hysterically. 

Slowly, they were pulled back up, and Eileen hauled Cassandra up before pushing herself over the edge, standing up slightly shakily. Rapunzel rushed forward and hugged her, relieved.

“It’s good to have you back, Blondie.” Eileen said.

“It’s good to be back,” Rapunzel said, relief evident in her voice. “And I just thought of a great idea for the mural, come on!” She rushed off, pulling her hair back into a thick braid.

“I-now?!” Eileen asked. “Not later, when the sun is out and we had a second to process-never mind, whatever.”

*** *** ***

“Look, I told you I’m not an artist,” Eileen said defensively. “You were the one that pushed me to do this.”

Rapunzel tilted her head, staring at Eileen’s little spot on the mural. It was messy, green paint still dripping down because Eileen hadn’t realized it was so runny on a vertical surface.

Rapunzel had decided that she wasn't going to paint her mural alone. All her close friends had a spot on the wall to paint what they pleased. Even Eileen, despite her weak protests that this was highly unnecessary, and they didn't want to see her paint. 

“No no, I like it,” Rapunzel said. “It’s...a great tree!”

“It was supposed to be Pascal.” Eileen said, and the chameleon looked insulted.

“I-I know! Of course!” Rapunzel turned red. “I was only teasing.”

“Of course,” Eileen smiled. “I’m really okay with my lack of creative talent. You’ve got more than enough for all of us.”

Rapunzel smiled, watching the others work together to paint the mural for the gallery. “Thanks.”

“Guess you got through that painter’s block.” Eileen said.

“Mhm,” Rapunzel said. “And if it ever happens again, I’ve decided not to fight it alone.” She smiled brightly, watching Friedbord methodically cover her section in blue paint and nothing else.

“I’m sorry for what I said. In the boat.” Rapunzel said.

“Eh,” Eileen said. “You were partially mind controlled, so you get a pass.”

“I still feel bad,” Rapunzel said. “It was an awful thing to say.”

“You were a little right, though,” Eileen smiled, and shrugged. “I do talk a lot.”

“But what you say is important.” Rapunzel said.

Eileen opened her mouth, and then closed it. “Well...thanks, Blondie.”

“Damn, Ellie,” Cassandra said, looking at Eileen’s chunk of art. “That’s actually not a bad house.”

“It’s supposed to be Pascal.” She said glumly.

“Oh, nevermind then. Yikes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn we have like four chapters left and then everything gets mean


	13. The Quest for Varian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part one of the "fuck Frederic, all my homies hate Frederic" chapters

“Holy shit!” Eileen said shrilly, racing forward when she saw Rapunzel hanging her hair over the edge of her balcony. She sprinted forward, grabbing the princess just before she hit the ground.

“What in the hell happened?! Are you alright?!” Eileen asked.

“I-I don’t know,” Rapunzel said, looking distraught. “I-” She suddenly hugged Eileen tightly, and Eileen started in surprise before hugging back. “I was having a dream, and when I woke up I was j-just…” Her voice trailed off.

“Hey,” Eileen said softly. “You’re alright.”

The sun rose over Corona, bright and heedless. 

*** *** ***

“It was like the dream I had after my coronation,” Rapunzel said to Eileen and Cassandra, staring up at a painting of herself surrounded by black rocks. “Only...more intense.”

“The one where the rocks are eating up everything?” Eileen asked. “Yeah, that sounds...not fun.”

“This one was trying to tell me something.” Rapunzel said. She stuck a new picture next to it: Varian, but his face twisted with grief and anger that seemed impossible on the bright alchemist’s face.

Eileen and Cassandra glanced at each other. “Tell you what?” Cassandra asked.

“I’m not sure,” Rapunzel admitted. “The rocks, my hair, Varian, it’s like they’re all connected, and I have to find out how.”

“Can we, like,” Eileen said hesitantly. “Get back to the part where Rapunzel woke up suspended by her hair? I feel like that’s a key point we really need to discuss.”

Pascal chittered. “Eileen, what I saw meant something.” Rapunzel said. 

“Okay, let’s say it did,” Eileen said. “Maybe it’s a warning, telling you something bad is going to happen if you go after these rocks. Maybe...maybe it’s a better idea to leave them alone.”

Rapunzel’s face turned stoic. “I need answers,” She said. “And I think I know where to start looking.” She looked at her painted walls, focusing on the face of her father.

“Good luck with that.” Eileen said, and winced when Cassandra elbowed her.

*** *** ***

“Happy birthday, Rapunzel!” A little boy waved as he ran past.

Rapunzel smiled, waving back. “Oh, thank you!”

Eileen glanced up at the statue of Rapunzel, now covered in flowers and gifts. Her birthday was still days away, but the kingdom had a lot of lost birthdays to make up for. 

“So how’d the talk go with your dad?” Eileen asked.

“Well…” Rapunzel looked like she was forcing herself to be cheerful. “He said they’ve removed them all. That’s good, right?”

“Right,” Cassandra said. “So we don’t even have to worry about it anymore.”

Rapunzel still looked troubled. “We still don’t know anything about where Varian-” She gasped, stepping back when she saw a floating lantern seated serenely in front of her statue, a scroll tied to the end.

“The lantern!” Rapunzel rushed to it. “It’s...it’s the same one from my dream!”

Eileen blinked. “Wait, seriously?” 

“The same design and everything!” Rapunzel said. She untied the lantern. “There’s a note. And a key.” She held up a small delicate key.

She skimmed the note, her expression turning serious. “It’s from Varian,” She said. “‘Rapunzel, I need your help more than ever. I may have discovered the key to these rocks. Find the bronze graphtyc in my lab. But be careful, they are watching, and will do anything to stop you.’” Rapunzel read aloud.

“That’s...ominous.” Eileen said. 

“‘They’?” Cassandra asked. “Who are ‘they’?” 

“It’s always something with Varian.” Eileen huffed.

“I knew it!” Rapunzel said. “I knew it, he still needs our help!”

“What do you wanna do?” Cassandra asked. 

Rapunzel paused, looking down at the note and key, and then back up at the castle. She sighed. “I’m sorry, Dad,” She muttered to herself. “But we have to go to Old Corona.”

*** *** ***

Eileen stared blankly at the passing trees as Maximus trotted leisurely on the road, pulling the cart with the three of them down the road. “Old Corona is just over this hill.” Rapunzel said.

Pascal chittered happily, waving to Owl. “Sorry, Pascal,” Cassandra said, stroking her bird’s feather. “He’s not a big fan of reptiles. Unless he can eat them.”

Owl hooted, and Pascal moved to Rapunzel's other shoulder.

“Well,” Eileen said. “Are we nearly there? I’m getting sick of staring into this raptor’s cold blooded eyes.”

“Owls are warm-blooded, stupid.” Cassandra said.

“Wasn’t talking about the owl.” Eileen said in a singsong voice.

Cassandra made a face, but Rapunzel gasped. “Stop the cart!” She said, and Maximus froze. The princess jumped out, racing to the edge of the forest.

A black rock, pointed like a spearhead, rose from the ground like a demon clawing its way out from hell. Eileen paused, a shiver going down her spine. This was the first time she had seen the rocks, and she sort of wished she could have kept it that way.

“My dad told me all the black rocks had been removed.” Rapunzel said.

“It’s only one, right?” Eileen said. 

“I wouldn’t say that.” Cassandra said.

Eileen glanced over, and nearly gasped.

Dozens on the rocks broke the ground in clusters, pointed towards the sky. They had destroyed a house, and one particularly large one had lifted the entire foundation. 

“That’s…” Eileen paused. “Not ideal.”

“Do you think your father lied?” Cassandra asked. 

“No, of course not!” Rapunzel said. “I trust my father, but clearly he had no idea how bad things have gotten out here.”

She started back towards the carriage. “Come on. Let’s move.”

They set off again, and Eileen couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away from the rocks, their black sheen stealing the sunlight.

*** *** ***

It only got worse.

They had to abandon the carriage, picking their way carefully through the rocks. Eileen lost count of the amount of times she had to windmill her arms to avoid impaling herself. “I’ve never seen anything like this,” Rapunzel said, looking up at one rock that rose at least fifty feet in the air. “So far, everything in my dream is coming true. There’s no question now.”

She dropped her head. “Those rocks...they hold a secret, and somehow...I’m connected to it.” Her face twisted. “And...maybe even responsible for it.”

“...what do you wanna do?” Eileen asked.

“I’m sorry, Eileen, but I already let Varian down once,” She said. “He wants us to get the graphtyc, so that’s what we’re gonna do.”

Eileen nodded. “Let’s go, then.”

Rapunzel smiled gratefully. “Varian’s home is on the far side of town.”

“Then we better get moving if we want to make it back in time for dinner.” Eileen said, following Rapunzel through the maze of rocks.

Rapunzel nearly touched a rock, and it lit up with a strange, dull blueness. Her hair began to glow, and Eileen grabbed her arm, pulling her away. “Watch it!” She said.

“Ellie’s right,” Cassandra said. “Remember what happened last time you touched those rocks?”

“Mmm,” Rapunzel said. “I’ll...just have to be careful.”

“Really careful,” Eileen muttered, staring at the tightly packed rocks. “How do we know if any of the openings take us to the other side?”

“We need a bird’s eye view.” Cassandra said, and whistled. Owl swooped down, diving into one of the openings in the maze, disappearing among the rocks. A moment later, there was excited hooting.

“I think he found a way!” Rapunzel said. She turned to Maximus. “Max, you keep watch.” The horse snorted in agreement. 

They wove through the rocks, Rapunzel starting every time her hair began to glow. “There’s gotta be an easier way through here,” Eileen said. “Tell your bird to do better.”

“He’s an attack owl too, you know.” Cassandra said, holding out her arm. Owl landed on it, and hissed at Eileen. “I taught him to go for the eyes.”

“Hm.” Eileen said, but didn’t like imagining Owl’s claws digging into her.

They made it out, barely, a small clearing giving them a view of Varian’s mostly untouched house. At least on the outside. The inside, or more specifically the lab, was covered in rocks, though here they seemed to spring up without rhyme or reason.

“Christ,” Eileen said, picking her way through both rocks and equipment. “What a mess.”

“Look at all this,” Cassandra said, picking up a small box and dusting it off. “It’s like no one-” The box exploded with pink smoke, and when it was gone, Cassandra stood, shocked, and covered in pink residue.

Eileen snickered. “That’s a good look on you.”

Cassandra scowled. 

“Guys, come on,” Rapunzel said. “The graphtyc has got to be around here somewhere.”

She picked up a book, flipping through it. “Oh!” She pulled out a small, cylindrical item and smiled. “I found it! It was hidden in the book!”

“Great,” Eileen said. “Now let’s leave. This place is creepy as hell.”

Rapunzel nodded, and paused. In the middle of the room, there was a huge tarp covering something. Rapunzel reached out, and paused. “Blondie…” Eileen said, but Rapunzel had made her decision, and yanked the tarp off. She gasped in horror.

There was a massive chunk of an amber-like substance, and in the middle, frozen with his face in an expression of pain, was Varian’s father, Quirin.

Eileen felt the color drain from her face. “Oh, no.”

Rapunzel stepped back, hands at her mouth. “Oh my God…” She said in a whisper. 

“Are you okay?” Eileen asked.

“Maybe…” Rapunzel couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away. “Maybe you were right, Eileen. Maybe those dreams were telling me to stay at the castle. Where I belong.”

“What are you talking about?” Cassandra asked hesitantly.

“I touched those rocks, and now...this!” She gestured to Quirin. 

“Rapunzel, this can’t possibly be your fault.” Eileen said.

“But you don’t know that!” Rapunzel said. 

“Okay, look,” Eileen said softly, approaching her. “I know what I said before about forgetting all of this, but this is way, way worse than anyone could have imagined. And fault or no fault, people are in danger. A lot of people. And I know you’re not going to run from a fight.”

Rapunzel opened her mouth, but the door swung open with a loud bang. Eileen whirled around, her heart hammering, and felt her stomach turn slightly.

A tall man, face hidden by a metal mask, stepped into the room and held out his hand. “Hand over the graphtyc.” He commanded. 

There was complete stillness in the room. For a moment.

Cassandra charged, drawing her sword with a battle cry. The masked man parried easy, throwing her back and tossing a bola net, trapping her legs. “Cass!” Rapunzel cried, and Eileen rushed the man, sliding under his legs and popping up behind him to grab the bow staff and yank back, choking him. The man threw her as well, and she crashed into a table, multicolored dust and smoke flying everywhere. 

“Hand it over, now.” The man told Rapunzel, and she stepped away. Pascal squeaked, lunging at the man, who stumbled back in surprise and threw him off. 

Rapunzel grabbed a vial and threw it. It shattered, creating a small yellow explosion that pushed the man further back. “Stay away!” Rapunzel shouted. “I’ve got a wall full of alchemy and I’m not afraid to use it!”

She continued to throw vials, until the masked man hit one back to her, knocking the graphtyc out of her hand. He lunged for it, but she threw a small pink ball at his feet. It popped loudly, and within seconds, he was trapped in a thick goo. Rapunzel grabbed the graphtyc.

“Come on!” Rapunzel said, managing to free Cassandra from the bola net. Eileen stumbled to her feet, following them out. Rapunzel looked over her shoulder one last time, her face haunted at the sight of Quirin.

“Slow down!” Cassandra said as they ducked and weaved through the maze. “If your hair touches the rocks, we’re goners!”

“We need to hurry!” Rapunzel said. “We don’t have much time before he gets free!”

“Who was that?!” Eileen asked.

“I don’t know,” Rapunzel said, glancing back. “It must be who Varian was trying to warn us about-”

A hand owned by a metal masked man shot through the rocks, grabbing at Rapunzel. She shrieked, turning away and running in a different direction. “Shit!” Eileen cried, following. Another hand grabbed at them, and Eileen scowled. “How fast is this guy?!”

They tumbled out of the maze, and Eileen paused. “Oh no,” She said, seeing they were surrounded by men in metal masks. “That’s no good.”

The men advanced, and Eileen drew her knife, feeling silly. She backed up, and the rocks turned blue and bright when Rapunzel drew close. “Back off!” Eileen shouted, but they did nothing.

There was a flash of black, and one of the men went down, mask dented from a hit with a frying pan. Maximus leapt into the circle, attacking the men before they even knew what hit them. Within seconds, they all lay still, incapacitated. 

“Max!” Rapunzel said, rushing forward to hug him. “You couldn’t have come a second sooner!”

Maximus whinnied, waiting for the others to mount before taking off just as the men started to stir. “Those guys want this thing, and badly,” Rapunzel said, examining the graphtyc. “Something tells me we won’t make it to the castle.”

“We need a place to hide and come up with a plan.” Eileen said.

“I know a place.” Rapunzel said, but her voice was grim.

She steered Maximus off the road, sprinting past dark rocks. They came to the edge of a cliff, and Rapunzel dismounted. “We’re here!”

“Where’s here?!” Eileen asked, whirling around when she heard someone in pursuit.

“They’re following us!” Cassandra said. 

“I still don’t know where we are!” Eileen said.

“Come on!” Rapunzel’s voice echoed from over the cliff, and Eileen peeked over the edge to see her rappelling down a vine. “What are you slowpokes waiting for?”

“Alrighty,” Eileen muttered to herself. “Sure. We’re rappelling down a mountain while creepy masked men chase us. Sure, just another day. How the hell are we gonna get Max down there?!”

*** *** ***

“I’m surprised you didn’t recognize where we are, Eileen.” Rapunzel said. Somehow they got Maximus down, though it had been a stressful experience. 

Eileen glanced at Rapunzel, and then felt an odd anxiety stir in her gut when she saw an ivy wall. Rapunzel pulled it aside and paused. “Actually, I’m not sure I recognize it.”

Rapunzel’s tower sat in the clearing, run down and foreboding. The black rocks surrounded it, the tips of them never quite touching it. “The rocks are worse than we thought.” Cassandra said, though she looked at the tower with a strange expression.

Rapunzel looked distant, and Eileen realized she was shaking slightly. “You alright?” She asked softly, and Rapunzel flinched slightly.

“Y-yeah! It’s just a tower. I’m fine.” She ducked through the ivy before Eileen could say anything else, and the others followed. 

Eileen fought to keep her face neutral, following Rapunzel up the stairs of the tower. Maximus followed, and she was surprised that the tiny stairway could just barely fit the horse. She poked her head out of the trapdoor, making a face at the room.

It was dusty, and eerily neat, as though just waiting for Rapunzel to return. Her old hair, frayed and dark, spread across the room like a massive snakeskin, and glass shards littered the floor, catching the setting sun’s glow in the way that made it look like they were covered in blood. Eileen’s side stung in a phantom pain.

“Alright,” She said, helping Maximus out. “Here we are. Yay.” She said dully.

She looked near the window and then wished she hadn’t. Chains wrapped around the support beam, and there was an ugly, dark stain on the cobblestone. “Do you think my replacement blood has, like, magic stuff in it or something?”

Rapunzel made a face as though she had tasted something sour, and Cassandra glared at Eileen. “Hey,” Eileen said, taking odd comfort in Cassandra’s grouchiness. “I’m the one who died. I get joke privileges.” 

“What’s so important about this thing?” Rapunzel asked, turning the graphtyc over in her hands. “Have you ever seen anything like this?” She asked, and then shook it. There was a rattling sound inside. “I think there’s something inside it!” She gasped.

Cassandra took it, trying to twist the top off to no avail. “Wait.” Rapunzel said, taking it back. She withdrew the key, sticking it in a small hole at the base of the graphtyc, and twisted it.

It clicked agreeably, and Rapunzel pulled out a small scrap of paper. She unfurled it. “It’s some kind of scroll.” She said softly, examining the strange writing and half a picture of a yellow flower.

Eileen heard shuffling, and stuck her head out the window. “Shit,” She muttered. “Guys? We have company!”

The masked men were climbing the tower with arrows, their cloaks fluttering in the wind. “Oh no…” Rapunzel groaned, stuffing the scroll back into the graphtyc.

“What do you wanna do, Blondie?” Eileen asked.

Rapunzel took a breath. “No more running. No more hiding.” She said with determination. 

“So what’s the plan?” Eileen asked, drawing her knife.

“Sorry, Eileen,” Rapunzel said, stuffing the graphtyc in Maximus’ saddlebag. “Knives aren’t gonna cut it.”

She started towards the window, undoing her thick braid. “What are you doing?” Eileen asked.

“Letting down my hair.” Rapunzel answered, and threw her golden hair out the window.

It seemed to fall in slow motion, curving gracefully downwards until it all unfurled to a sudden stop. It just barely brushed the rocks below-

Energy exploded out from the point of contact, and a harsh gale blew out, throwing the group and the men back. Rapunzel’s hair glowed defiantly, and then faded. She peeked out the window, and Eileen followed suit.

A rock burst from the ground below.

“Fuck.” Eileen gasped. 

Rapunzel started pulling her hair back up as fast as she could. Eileen grabbed an armful of hair when she finished, following the princess down the trapdoor, panic building in her chest. The ground rumbled, and rocks pushed through the stairwell, blocking their path. “Uh oh,” Rapunzel said, stepping back. “I-I didn’t think…”

“What did you even think would happen?!” Eileen demanded, but Rapunzel turned and started running back. Eileen followed.

Rocks covered the window, showing Rapunzel her own terrified reflection. Owl hooted, motioning towards Rapunzel’s open skylight. “There!” Rapunzel said. “It’s the only way out!” She started sprinting up the stairs to the second floor of the tower, and Eileen stumbled after her, barely dodging rocks. 

Rapunzel threw her hair up and around the beams, and nodded for Cassandra to start climbing. Eileen followed, pausing only for a moment to watch Maximus expertly scale the princess’ hair. “What the fuck.” She whispered to herself, but then shook herself, scrambling up.

They climbed out onto the roof, and the rocks burst through with aggression. The tower creaked, beginning to collapse. The rocks edged closer, and Eileen’s heel hung over open air.

“I think I know a way down!” Rapunzel said, grabbing her hand. Her hair was glowing, spread out and flying in the wind. She looked beautiful. “But you’re going to have to trust me!”

“Okay?!” Eileen said.

And Rapunzel jumped off the roof, pulling Eileen with her.

*** *** ***

_This sucks. Why do I always find myself falling from deadly heights?_

Eileen screamed, the ground growing closer by the millisecond, eyes watering from the wind. She wondered if you died instantly when you hit the ground. Hopefully. At this height though, she wasn’t sure.

Rapunzel’s hair whipped around, glowing brightly in the dark, and wrapped around them. Eileen closed her eyes, blinded by the golden glow. 

They _bounced_ , once, twice, and then the sphere of hair fell away, leaving Eileen gasping. “Holy shit.” She said.

“Is...that new?” Cassandra asked, voice hoarse. 

“It’s complicated,” Rapunzel said, standing up and looking back to the tower.

The tower rumbled, shaking as though deathly sick. Cracks appeared in the sides, and it folded in on itself. Rapunzel’s home of eighteen years fell with no fanfare or grace, like a wounded animal, debris and dust flying everywhere.

When the dust settled, all that was left was a mess of black rocks and a pile of rubble.

Rapunzel fell to her knees, shocked. She picked up the nearest piece of debris; a chunk of her mural. The one of her watching the lanterns, an expression of hope and bliss on her face.

She broke down sobbing, and when Eileen knelt next to her, she threw her arms around her neck.

“Guys…” Cassandra said, looking at one of the men pull himself out of the rubble. His mask was gone.

Rapunzel’s face hardened, and she wiped away her tears. “Time for answers.” 

The man reached for his mask, but Rapunzel kicked it away. He looked up with a scowl, and-

“Dad?” Cassandra asked, voice small.

The captain sighed, looking ashamed. Rapunzel stepped back in shock. The captain rose to his feet. “Princess, we had orders to recover the scroll and keep it from you.” He said with an air of defeat. The other men gathered around him, maskless. Eileen knew every one of them by name.

And now they tried to attack them.

“Who ordered this?!” Rapunzel demanded.

The men were quiet, glancing at each other. “I order you to answer me!” Rapunzel said.

The captain sighed. “Your father.” He said in a quiet voice.

Rapunzel stepped back as though struck. She rushed to Maximus’ saddlebag, grabbing the graphtyc and unlocking it. She unfurled the whole scroll.

The writing was unreadable, but the sun and moon were drawn side by side, each dripping something down. The sundrops created a flower which Eileen recognized with a sudden jolt. The moon’s product had been torn off, but it didn’t take a genius to guess what it was.

“Why would your father want to keep this from you?” Eileen asked.

“I don’t know,” Rapunzel said, her voice holding a zeal Eileen had never heard before. “But I’m going to find out.”

The sun rose over the ruined tower, lighting up broken memories and half-forgotten traumas, bits and pieces of a false childhood mixed with dirt and rocks. The rocks pointed upwards, climbing higher and higher as if to scratch the heavens themselves, to break open the sky and let whatever was hiding tumble out.

The rocks were too dark for the sun to pierce, a negative in the golden morning light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eileen "It's my trauma, and I get to choose the unhealthy coping mechanism" Fitzherbert makes her first of many appearances


	14. The Alchemist Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was an absolute pain in the ass to rewrite oh my god
> 
> it's kinda high key short, sorry lmaoo
> 
> anyway, frederic? more like freder-dick ayooo

“So…” Eileen said, shuffling in her seat as Rapunzel paced, rather like a lioness. “I’m guessing the talk with your dad went pretty bad, because you’re going to make a hole in the floor if you keep pacing.”

Rapunzel gave her a look, and Eileen coughed. “Sorry, sorry. Okay, I’m serious.”

Rapunzel sighed, sitting next to her. “I’m not sure what’s going on, but I know Corona is in danger,” She looked up at Eileen, stress written across her face like a book. “And I feel like I’m the only one who wants to do anything about it.”

“You’re not,” Eileen said. “Remember what you said? We stick together, look out for each other.”

Rapunzel smiled slightly. “I know, thank you, I…” she paused. “Can I just...have some time alone? Please?”

“No problem.” Eileen said, standing up. She was at the door when she paused and glanced back. “I know...everything is kind of shitty right now, but if anyone can find a way out, it’s you.”

Rapunzel smiled, and Eileen smiled back. “I think everything’s gonna be fine.” She opened the door to Stan and Pete yelling.

Eileen blinked. “Alright.”

Rapunzel rushed out. “Pete! What are you doing?! Stan is your best friend!” 

“He’s been insulting me all day!” Stan cried.

“I can’t help it!” Pete said desperately. “It’s like I have to say whatever’s on my mind!”

“Oh yeah?” Stan asked. “Well, you have cookie crumbs on your cheek!” He ran off.

“Stan, wait! I’m sorry!” Pete ran after him.

“I’ll handle the domestic dispute,” Eileen said. “You go relax.”

“Are you sure?” Rapunzel asked. “No offense, but you’re not very good with...emotions.”

“I’m great with emotions.” Eileen said.

“Tell me how revisiting the tower felt.” Rapunzel said, half serious, half joking. Though Eileen knew she would love opening that can of worms, and frankly, it probably would be healthier if they did discuss it.

Nevertheless, Eileen frowned. “Point taken,” She said. “But I’ll be fine. It’s Stan and Pete. It’s not that complex.”

*** *** ***

“Oh my God,” Eileen groaned, wandering down the halls hours later. “I should’ve charged them.”

Stan and Pete weren’t the only ones acting strange. People had been snappy all day, spitting insults with no real rhyme or reason. 

Cassandra rounded the corner, smiling slightly when she saw Eileen. “What’re you up to, Ellie?”

“The cook just told me my ear looks like a ripped raw chicken.” Eileen said.

“Well, they’ve got a point.” Cassandra said.

“No, seriously,” She said. “People have been acting weird all day. Like they just have to say what they’re thinking.”

Cassandra smiled. “You’re gonna love this.” She motioned for Eileen to follow.

She pushed open the door, and Eileen blinked in surprise. The castle staff was huddled together, each whispering or admitting strange things with no prompting. One person dropped the king’s meal but still served it. One person’s medals were all fake. And Nigel’s accent was apparently fake.

Eileen shut the door. “Okay,” She said slowly. “So...that’s weird. We should probably look into that.”

*** *** ***

“Hey Blondie, glad to see you out.” Eileen said when Rapunzel rounded a corner.

Rapunzel stumbled back, startled. “You alright?” Eileen asked.

“Yeah!” Rapunzel said, her hands behind her back. “Just fine! You startled me.”

“What have you got?” Eileen asked, trying to see behind her back. 

“Nothing!” Rapunzel said. She jerked slightly, and then held up her hands. “See?”

“O-kay…” Eileen said slowly. “Well, look, I know you wanted to be alone, but Cass and I-” She paused, realizing Rapunzel was looking at something around the corner.

“...are you okay?” Eileen asked.

Rapunzel bit her lip and sighed. “Eileen…” She said slowly. “How...how far would you go to find the truth?”

“That’s a very ominous question,” Eileen said. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

She smiled. “Yeah, sorry, I…” She blew out air. “Just have a lot to process. I promise I’ll talk when I’m ready. Okay?” 

Eileen so badly wanted to push the subject. But…

“Alright,” She said. “Just....know I’m here if you need me, okay?”

“Mhm!” Rapunzel said. 

Eileen started to walk off, and paused, turning back. “Oh, and by the way-”

But Rapunzel was already gone.

“Hmph.” She said, wondering if she should be suspicious. After a moment of deciding if this was going to backfire or not, she sighed, making her way after Rapunzel. “Hey, Blondie, why-”

She walked right into King Frederic, and stumbled back. “Oh, Your Majesty, I-” She bowed awkwardly, jerky. “Sorry.”

The king chuckled slightly. “Quite alright, Eileen.” He went around her, starting down the hall, and for some reason, Eileen thought of the tower again, and how he could never understand what it meant for Rapunzel to see it fall. Something angry twisted in her gut.

“We were really scared, you know.” She said, and instantly regretted opening her mouth.

The king paused, turning back to her. “I beg your pardon?”

The sight of his legitimately confused expression reignited Eileen’s self-righteousness again. “When you sent your goons after us.” She said, slightly guilty for referring to the guard as goons. A lot of them were her friends now, but...well, Frederic turned them into goons. “We were really scared. We thought they were going to hurt us.”

The king frowned. “All I told them to do was get the graphtyc back. I didn’t want you to know it was them. Too many questions. They wouldn’t have hurt you.”

“We didn’t know that,” Eileen said. “How could we? We just thought they were men in masks who wanted this graphtyc. Would they hurt us after they got it? Would they hurt someone else? Anyway, we almost died or something for your precious secrets, congrats.”

The king turned to face her, and his shadow loomed long and dark down the hall. “Do you have a point with all this?”

“Only that I don’t think a king should be running around in circles to keep his lies under control,” Eileen said. “Especially when it’s his own daughter.” And then, in a spur of the moment mood of being unable to shut up, she added: “You know, the one who was also lied to for her whole life?”

The king started towards her, expression hidden, and Eileen was very proud of how she only took one step back and never looked away from the king. He stopped right in front of her, looking down with a dangerous scowl.

“I have allowed you to stay here because you make Rapunzel happy,” The king said. “And I have pardoned your past crimes against the kingdom because you brought my daughter home to me. But do not think for a second that it gives you the right to speak to me that way. I can just as easily take away your privileges.”

Eileen forced herself not to break eye contact. “Just to be clear,” She said. “Are you threatening my room and board or my life?”

“This is a matter that will be kept within my family, and you have no business meddling in it. I suggest you shut your mouth before you say something you regret. Unless you have more suggestions on how I should run _my_ kingdom.” The king said.

He was baiting her now, and she knew it. Eileen was rarely the bigger person, and would readily admit she would continue a fight into petty spats to get the last word in. But this wasn’t some brute who was calling her a whore. This was the king.

She swallowed a retort, something about how Shorty probably could have been a better ruler because at least he didn’t lie his ass off. It tasted bitter. 

“Good.” The king said, and Eileen hated herself for backing down. The king turned, beginning to take his original route. “Run along now.”

She very nearly broke and threw something at him at his dismissal, but she restrained herself, digging her nails into her palms. She ran through some ideas in her head of how she could get back at him, but they all seemed childish and too easily traceable back to her. 

“Ellie! Thank God, I was-” Cassandra paused when she saw Eileen’s expression. “What’s with you? You look like you’re about to puke?”

“Since when are you concerned about my health?” Eileen asked, relieved for the distraction.

“I’m not, I just don’t want to clean it up,” She jerked her head down the hall. “Come on, we have a situation.”

*** *** ***

“How dare you point out my flaws with cunning accuracy?!” A lord snapped at a guard. The collection of castle staff had spiraled into arguing, and they looked second away from declaring a flat out war. 

“This is getting out of hand.” Cassandra said.

“It’s like they’re under a spell or something.” Eileen said. 

Cassandra paused. “It could be...but we’d have to find out what happened, and how it got into the castle.”

“You seriously think it’s magic?” Eileen asked. She had heard of various potions that could do things like this, but she had never really believed it. And apparently, they weren’t that expensive either. 

“Unless you have a better theory,” She said. “Who’s the first person you noticed acting too honest?”

*** *** ***

“Okay Pete,” Cassandra said, leaning close to the guard, who wriggled nervously in his chair. “Let’s start from the beginning. Walk us through your day”

The room was pitched black except for a single candle on a table, and Eileen leaned lazily against her chair. 

“And relax,” Eileen said. “Just tell us what happened.”

“Well,” Pete said. “I woke up confused because my mouth tasted like beans, but I have no recollection of eating beans the day prior.”

Eileen and Cassandra glanced at each other.

“Then I saw my cat, and I said ‘Hello, Mr. Happy-Paws!’, but of course, he can’t talk.” Pete continued.

Eileen sighed, sitting down. They were going to be here a while.

*** *** ***

“Okay, okay okay,” Eileen said, pulling Cassandra off of Pete after she had gotten fed up and lunged at him. “Let’s not commit assault, okay?”

Cassandra growled.

“Pete, how about this,” Eileen said. “Did you notice anything out of the ordinary?”

“Well,” Pete said, slightly shaken. “I did find the man who gave me purple cookies from the bush a bit peculiar.”

“You think you might have led with that?!” Cassandra groaned.

“Everyone’s been eating these things!” Pete held up a purple cookie, about to take a bite. Eileen didn’t want to know where he had been keeping it.

“Don’t!” Cassandra slapped the cookie away from him. “Someone must have laced them with some kind of truth serum.”

“What else can you tell us about the man in the bush?” Eileen asked.

“Well, his voice was kind of…” Pete paused. “Squeaky? Oh, and he was asking about the sundrop flower, which the king has been secretly hiding in the vault ever since he used it on the queen.”

“He fucking _what_?!” Eileen shot to her feet. “And you didn’t see a need to tell anyone about this?!”

“So someone with a squeaky voice, trying to keep a low profile used a potion to get information about a magical flower.” Cassandra said. She glanced at Eileen. “Sound like anyone we know?”

Eileen’s stomach dropped. “Varian.” 

*** *** ***

When they got to the entrance of the vault, the guards moved to block them. “Out of the way, boys,” Cassandra ordered. “We need to get into the vault and get the sundrop flower.”

“Sundrop flower?” A guard asked. “Why, whatever do you mean?”

“I heard the sundrop flower was…” He paused, glancing at his partner. “Destroyed-”

“Cut the bullshit and let us in!” Eileen snapped. “The princess could be in grave danger!”

“Sorry, strict orders from the king,” The guard said. “No one is permitted beyond this point.” 

“Fair, fair,” Eileen said, nudging Cassandra. “But who do you want to piss off? The king, or her?”

Cassandra cracked her knuckles, and the guard blanched. 

He offered them a key.

Eileen snatched it, unlocking the door and kicking it open.

Varian stood there, a strange expression on his face and a raccoon on his shoulder. Rapunzel stood not far from him, her expression one of distress. “Hey!” Eileen shouted, rushing forward, but Varian threw something at her; two vials filled with bright colored liquid.

They cracked and exploded, and Eileen was thrown back, ears ringing. 

When she came to her senses, Varian was gone.

*** *** ***

Eileen paused when she saw Rapunzel on her balcony, head bowed. Then she cleared her throat. “The royal medic said Varian’s truth serum will wear off on it’s own. No one will get hurt.”

Rapunzel didn’t move.

“So Varian did that to distract everyone so he could convince you to steal the sundrop flower?” Eileen asked, though she already knew the answer. “I...are you alright?”

“No,” Rapunzel said. “I committed treason, defied my dad’s orders, and worst of all…” She finally turned to face Eileen. “I let the flower fall into the hands of…” She trailed off. “I...I don’t even know who he is anymore.”

Eileen sat next to her. “What do you think he’s gonna do with it?”

“He just wants to save his dad.” Rapunzel said, and Eileen winced at the memory of Quirin in the amber. 

“I’m sorry, Rapunzel.” Eileen said.

Rapunzel stared off, eyes filled with an emotion Eileen didn’t quite recognize. “He’ll be back, you know.” Rapunzel said softly.

Eileen blinked. “How do you know?”

“I just do.” Rapunzel said.

The sun hit her hair, and from where Eileen was sitting, it looked like it was glowing even brighter than the sun itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO MORE CHAPTERS MY GOD WOOO
> 
> ive decided to claim october 25th as my day because apparently there's a month long tangled art challenge and day 25 is genderswap so ive decided to pretend all genderbent eugene art is eileen :))) yes i am self absorbed what of it
> 
> should i do something for the 25th? ik its an art challenge but idk i feel like i have a reasonable stake in the tangled genderbent market, and that'll also be the sunday before the new book in this series come out. a oneshot maybe??? im open to suggestions


	15. Secret of the Sundrop (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BRUHHH WE LITERALLY GOT ONE CHAPTER LEFT

There always seemed to be a party happening in Corona.

It was a loud, happy kingdom, and it was difficult to find a place where there wasn’t a street performer, a shouting vendor, or some kind of gathering.

But with Rapunzel’s birthday, that outgoing energy had been concentrated into a party that bordered the overwhelming, presents and goodwill wishes building up by the second, a dam of excitement about to burst and overflow.

Eileen had already run into at least five servants who scolded her for her lack of dressing up, but Eileen wasn’t going to wear a dress unless it was some kind of royal gathering. And this was a party. She couldn’t very well party in a dress.

“Happy birthday!” She cried, ducking into Rapunzel’s room, happy to escape the pestering castle staff.

Pascal squeaked in greeting, but Rapunzel didn’t move, staring out the window. Eileen frowned, coming up to her. “How are you doing?” 

“How am I doing?” Rapunzel asked, and sighed. “Well, I figured out my father’s been lying to me for months, a secret squad of guards hunted us down in the dead of night, I destroyed my childhood home-oh, and let’s not forget the healthy sprinkle of treason, where I helped an unstable alchemist steal the most powerful object in the seven kingdoms!”

Eileen winced. Rapunzel sighed deeply. “Sorry.”

“No no, it’s okay,” Eileen said. “Kind of a stupid question, honestly. But…” She smiled mischievously. “I think I know what will cheer you up.” 

*** *** ***

The door opened, and Eileen gestured grandly. “Presents room!”

Rapunzel gasped.

The throne room was nearly overrun with gifts for Rapunzel, varying from little gift bags and flowers to giant crates that could have held an elephant. “This...is all for me?” Rapunzel asked, shocked.

“Gotta make up for eighteen years of birthdays,” Eileen said, picking up a gift. “In fact, I think this many presents is illegal.”

Rapunzel giggled, and Eileen shook her head. “No no! You could get arrested for this. Tell you what, I’ll take half of them. That way you won’t get in trouble.”

“How noble of you.” Rapunzel said, rolling her eyes, but she was smiling, and that was what mattered.

“I try.” Eileen set the gift down.

Rapunzel wandered over to a small metal device, glancing it over. “‘Wind me?’” she read the note, and turned the handle of the device. It spun, and a strange melody drifted from it.

“Kind of creepy.” Rapunzel said.

“You can have that one.” Eileen said.

Friedborg emerged from the presents like a vampire rising from the grave, holding a dress. Rapunzel jumped. “Oh! Friedborg! Is it time for my fitting? Where’s Cassandra?”

“Haven’t seen her,” Eileen said. “See? Things are looking up.”

“No, we should go find her.” Rapunzel said, and set off. 

Eileen sighed, and then paused, noticing Friedborg was staring at her. The handmaiden held out the dress. 

Eileen stepped back. “I’m not wearing that.”

*** *** ***

“Cass?” Rapunzel asked, ducking into the barn. “What are you doing here?”

“Haven’t you heard?” Cassandra asked. She threw a hay bale behind her. “This is my new assignment.”

“What are you talking about?” Rapunzel asked.

“Seems like your dad found out I was the one who snuck you out of Corona before your coronation,” Cassandra said. “And, well…” She sighed, sitting down. “Here we are.”

“That’s impossible!” Rapunzel said. “The only way he would have found out is if…” She paused, her jaw going slack. “He read my journal.”

“Or Ellie told him.” Cassandra said.

“Cass, I wouldn’t. Honestly.” Eileen said.

Cassandra grunted, but seemed to believe her. 

“Okay,” Rapunzel said. “Don’t worry Cass, I’m gonna get you out of this.”

“But in the meantime,” Eileen said, unable to resist a jab. “You have stable employment.”

Rapunzel glared at Eileen. “Oh, come on, it was funny! Bad timing, but funny. We’ll laugh about it later.”

“Don’t waste your time, Raps,” Cassandra said. “This is only temporary. I’m…” She turned, and Eileen was surprised to see real sadness on her face. “I’m being sent to a convent tomorrow.”

*** *** ***

“My dad has gone too far,” Rapunzel said, marching down the hall with Cassandra and Eileen in tow. “He can’t punish you for something I-”

Something crashed into the wall, and Rapunzel stumbled back with a shout.

A huge, metal monstrosity stood in the middle of the hall, rusted gears grinding loudly as it stood up on thick metal legs, regarding the group with green, lifeless glass eyes. The same strange, winding device from before was on it’s back, twirling away, but instead of music, now it just made an awful grating noise.

“Fuck!” Eileen gasped.

“An automaton?!” Rapunzel said. “Varian and I fought one when we were going through the tunnels to the vault-” She scowled. “Varian.”

“How did it get past the guard?!” Cassandra asked. 

“We have more pressing issues!” Eileen snapped. 

The automaton swung, and Eileen tried to dodge, but she wasn’t fast enough. The metal arm hit her chest, sending her careening into the wall. Pain shot through where she had been hit, and stars flashed before her eyes.

“The banner!” She heard Rapunzel call, and opened her eyes to see Rapunzel using her birthday banner to loop around the automaton’s legs. 

“Here!” Cassandra shouted, and the metal beast stumbled towards her. Rapunzel tossed her the banner, and Cassandra looped it around the automaton’s arms.

Eileen forced herself to her feet. “Over here! Come on!” She taunted it.

Wrapped in the banner, the automaton simply stretched, and the banner ripped apart. 

“Shit.” Eileen said, and stumbled back, not wanting to be flung into a wall again.

But it turned to Rapunzel, and Eileen felt the color drain from her face as the automaton lifted it’s arms, prepared to smash Rapunzel. Eileen stretched out her arm, but she was too far-

The automaton shuddered to a stop, Cassandra’s sword in it’s back, disrupting the little winding device. It shook, and then the green light died from its eyes. It went limp.

Rapunzel darted away from it, looking shaken. Cassandra started to push the machine, and Eileen and Rapunzel joined her, tossing it out the window. It fell lifelessly, breaking apart into countless pieces when it hit the ground below. Luckily, the streets were empty.

“Holy shit.” Eileen gasped.

*** *** ***

“He fucking what?!” Eileen gasped.

The servants glared at Eileen, and Cassandra shushed her. “You’re going to get in trouble.”

“I think I’m past caring at this point! He…” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Because of the attack, he’s locking her up in her room? Am I hearing this right? Is everyone going crazy?”

“I know, it’s bad,” Cassandra said, pushing Eileen away from the busy hall. “Trust me, I don’t like it either.”

“Christ Almighty…” Eileen groaned. “It’s all just gone to hell.”

“You can’t do anything,” Cassandra said. “The king’s already in a bad mood, if you go mouth off to him again, you’ll only make things worse for Rapunzel. Or yourself.”

“I-again?” Eileen paused.

Cassandra shrugged. “The walls have ears here, and the other servants have even bigger mouths than you.”

“Awesome,” Eileen said. “Because me snapping at the king and then him threatening me is just the kind of reputation I want.”

Cassandra glanced at a clock and winced. “I...I have to go. I…” 

“The convent,” Eileen said. “Right.”

Cassandra stared at the ground, scowling. “I’ve got to pack and stuff.”

Eileen paused. “I…” She sighed. “I’m so sorry, Cass.”

Cassandra rubbed her eyes like she was getting a headache. “Thanks Ellie.”

“I’ll write insults to you,” Eileen said. “It’ll be like I never left.”

Cassandra smiled, but it was broken. “I’ll write insults back.”

“See you around.” Eileen said softly.

“See you.”

*** *** ***

Eileen knew that sulking wasn’t going to change anything, and she herself had nothing to sulk about. It was Rapunzel who was getting screwed over, and Rapunzel who least deserved it. 

_But you already know that, don’t you, Fitzherbert? The people who most deserve karma never get it, and it falls back on everyone else._

Not for the first time, she indulged herself in a selfish daydream of the two of them running off. The dream was always the same; Rapunzel would narrowly save her from death, and Eileen would grandly declare her feelings and offer to run away with Rapunzel, try again and start fresh. Rapunzel would agree, and with Maximus at their side, they took the world by storm, each adventure more grand and fantastic than the last. (The fact that Maximus would never defect from the guard like that was a minor detail, it was Eileen’s daydream, she could twist reality however she wanted)

She still hated herself for the dream, because in order for it to be true, Rapunzel would have to give so much up. Her family, her friends, a new safety and status within the castle. Everyone in that daydream lost except for Eileen, and that...that was a Flynn Rider thing to do, and she didn’t want that. 

Of course, now Rapunzel was trapped once again with the reasoning of the outside world being far too dangerous. At least the king actually had her best interests at heart, and there was a real danger. All the same, Rapunzel wasn’t glass. She was a diamond; beautiful and unbreakable. 

Something tapped her window, and she ignored it. Then two more harsh raps came, and she sighed, irritated with whatever interrupted her pity party.

“What do you want-OW!” She had stuck her head out the window and was greeted with a pebble right between the eyes.

“Whoops.” A familiar voice said, not sounding particularly sorry. There was a cloaked figure below, holding several more pebbles. “Forgot how big a target your head is.”

“I don’t-Cass?!” Eileen’s eyes widened when the cloaked figure yanked off the hood, revealing Cassandra’s familiar, pleased looking face.

“The one and only,” Cassandra said, waving a long piece of paper. “Now get your ass down here. We’re breaking Rapunzel out.”

“You could have asked nicely,” Eileen said, feeling a smile grow on her face. “But give me two minutes.”

“You got one.”

*** *** ***

“This isn’t where I expected my night to go,” Eileen admitted in the moonlight. “Aren’t you supposed to be halfway to a convent by now?”

“Got lost.” Cassandra smiled brightly.

“And this escape plan from Rapunzel,” Eileen said as the catapult was pulled back to the highest setting. “At no point does it say that I specifically have to be the one shot thousands of feet into the air.”

“Keep looking, Ellie. It’s there.” Cassandra said.

Eileen looked up at the window where she knew Rapunzel’s room was. Bars covered the entrance, and it felt wrong to see them there. 

“There’s nothing in here.” Eileen said, glancing at Hookfoot with a scowl. She held the escape plan out to Cassandra. “I don’t want to be catapulted, thank you very much.”

“Tough.” Cassandra said, drawing a dagger and cutting the rope holding Eileen and Hookfoot down.

“Wait-!” But it was too late. The catapult shot them into the sky, and Eileen shrieked, seeing the tower rapidly approach. She slammed into the opposite roof to Rapunzel, scrambling to get a foothold. “Christ.” She gasped.

Hookfoot offered her the crossbow, and she took it, shooting it into the stone of Rapunzel’s tower. She tugged on the rope, and it held. “Ready?” She asked Hookfoot. 

“No.” He said.

“Alright, grab on.” She said, and with a long groan, he grabbed the rope.

Eileen flung herself off of the tower, barely keeping in a scream as they swung down towards Rapunzel’s balcony. She didn’t quite stick the landing, stumbling forward and hitting the wall roughly. “Ow.” She managed to spit out.

She forced herself up, tying the rope around Hookfoot’s waist. Hookfoot looped his hook around the bars on the window, and Eileen waved to the pub thugs and Maximus below, throwing down the rest of the rope. They grabbed it, and began to pull.

“This is the whole reason you needed me?!” Hookfoot asked as the bars creaked and groaned. “Couldn’t you just use a regular hook?”

“Look, it wasn’t my plan.” Eileen said.

The bars flew off, and Hookfoot shot off of the balcony with a scream. Eileen darted over, and breathed a sigh of relief when he landed on the pile of pillows they had set out. 

She rushed back to the window, poking her head in. “Hey Blondie,” She said, smiling when Rapunzel saw her. “This feels like deja vu, right?”

“Eileen!” Rapunzel rushed over, nearly tackling her in a hug. Eileen smiled, but didn’t have time to process it before Rapunzel dragged her back out into the night. She looped her hair around a column, and stood on the balcony.

She offered her hand to Eileen, and she took it. And they jumped off.

It was hard to be scared with Rapunzel laughing gleefully right beside her. 

They made it to the street, and Rapunzel pulled the rest of her hair down, waving happily to the gathered men. “Thank you!”

“How was it?” Eileen asked Lance.

“Well, one of those distraction presents you sent me up with had an accordion,” Lance said. “And Pete cannot play accordion.”

“Sounds fun.” Eileen said.

“Okay, everyone,” Rapunzel said. “I’m not sure what Varian is planning, but we really have to…” She trailed off.

A fog was rolling over Corona. But when it rolled over them, it smelled of thick smoke.

Eileen coughed. “What is this?”

“Hello, Corona.” A familiar voice echoed, loud and clear, though Eileen didn’t know how.

Varian.

“Something dark is coming for you,” He said. “Our king has refused to acknowledge it. In hopes of keeping it secret, he has lied to you and vilified me.”

Eileen stepped back, but the smoke was so thick she couldn’t see anyone. It was like she was the only person in the world.

“In a matter of days, Corona, the island, and the castle itself will be overcome by this growth,” Varian continued. “It has already taken over the outskirts of this kingdom. The key to stopping its destruction is Princess Rapunzel herself.”

Eileen bumped into someone and whirled around. Rapunzel stared at her with wide, scared eyes and grabbed her hand. Eileen squeezed back gently. 

“I have asked for help and been ignored,” Varian’s voice grew louder with fury. “I will not be ignored any longer! And to make sure I have your attention, I’ve developed a new serum, and created something special for you all.”

Something big moved in the smoke, growling. Eileen drew her knife. “Guys?” Rapunzel called out.

The silence that fell was thick and suffocating, punctuated only occasionally by something slipping by just out of eyesight, and by low, angry growls. 

There was a shout, and the captain of the guard flew out from the fog, landing with a clatter. He didn’t get up. “Dad!” Eileen heard Cassandra shouted, her voice filled with a panic that was completely unlike her.

Two eyes stared at Eileen and Rapunzel, and a massive, furry creature jumped out at them, eyes filled with malice. It roared.

Eileen swung her knife, and the creature darted back into the fog. It wasn’t a retreat. It was taunting her.

“I have an idea,” Rapunzel said, squinting into the fog. “Max!” 

The horse appeared out of the fog, looking antsy. “Distract it!” She said.

Maximus snorted, galloping off into the gloom. Eileen saw the creature thunder after him. “Pete, Stan, drive it to the right!” Rapunzel commanded, and through the haze, Eileen saw the guards charge the beast, waving torches. 

The beast skittered, turning quickly from the flames. “Hookfoot! Lance! You too!” Rapunzel shouted, and the two raised their own torches, boxing the creature in. It hissed dangerously. 

It lunged-but Rapunzel threw her hair, wrapping around its leg and yanking off balance. It fell to the ground, and she tied it up. The creature thrashed, but it was no match. It lay still, growling.

Lance edged closer. “What is-” He yelped, jumping back when the creature snarled at it.

Rapunzel frowned. “Why would Varian do something like this?”

The creature moaned, as if in pain, and twisted, a bright flash of light shooting out of it. When it faded, the creature was gone. A small, confused looking raccoon had taken its place.

“That’s Ruddiger!” Rapunzel said. “Varian’s raccoon!”

Ruddiger chittered, looking almost embarrassed, and then he scampered off into the fading gloom.

“Rapunzel, you did it!” Pete said, and the group cheered.

Rapunzel smiled shyly, and Eileen nudged her. “Not bad, Blondie.”

“King Frederic!” A guard shouted from the top of the balcony, his voice filled with panic. 

Eileen very suddenly realized that it was odd that whatever had been done to Ruddiger lasted no time at all. Even if they hadn’t trapped him, they would have likely been able to dodge him until the effects wore off. Which meant Varian hadn’t meant for Ruddiger to be the main attack, which meant…

It had only been a diversion.

“The queen!” The guard shouted, and Eileen saw Rapunzel gasped in horror.

“She’s gone!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter of official frederic hate but just know im always ready to beat him up in a street fight


	16. Secret of the Sundrop (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter lets get it lets go

Rapunzel’s face went dark. “Varian.”

The king looked downright furious, and Eileen resisted the urge to step away from him. “He must be hiding in Old Corona,” He growled. “We need to launch a full scale attack.”

“Sir,” Stan said softly, looking worse for wear. “We got hit pretty hard. And the captain…” He glanced at the captain, who had to be practically carried off after getting hit by the monstrous Ruddiger. “I don’t think he’ll be able to lead us.”

Eileen didn’t miss how Cassandra’s face twisted.

“Then we’ll hit him with whatever we have!” The king roared, and this time Stan stepped back, looking scared.

“You can’t beat Varian with swords and fists!” Rapunzel said, stepping forward. “So far, we’ve played right into his hands. You know he never meant to capture me! He sent the automaton to make you think that was his plan. And then he used his...his monster to pull security away from the real target! Mom.”

Rapunzel’s hard face cracked for a moment, just a moment, and then she fixed it, her steely gaze matching the king’s. “So whatever you think you’re gonna throw at him, he’ll be waiting.” 

For a second, the king was quiet, and Eileen thought he would listen. And then he frowned, thunderous, and turned away. “We attack Old Corona within the hour.” He said, stomping off before anyone could question him. 

Rapunzel wilted, and Eileen was suddenly acutely aware of her own powerlessness.

*** *** ***

The castle hall was filled with furious, shouting people, and Eileen was doing her best to help Cassandra prevent a riot. It struck her as almost funny that she was likely the most stable person in the room at the moment.

She certainly didn’t feel stable, the world around her spiraling out of her control, like she was in a roaring river with no paddle. She hated feeling helpless, and now the feeling was so strong it made her dizzy.

She’d been out of the loop for most of the situation, and only now was the full scope of these rocks catching up with her. And it seemed to be catching up with the rest of the kingdom.

“These rocks are getting closer!” Someone shouted.

“We’re doomed, doomed!”

“What does the king plan to do?! What happened?!”

Eileen held out her arms, trying to keep people from coming forward, but the crowd surged forward as one when the king suddenly emerged, followed closely behind by Rapunzel. Eileen stumbled back, but managed to catch Rapunzel’s eyes. She gave a weak smile and a wink, and Eileen breathed a slight sigh of relief.

The king was speaking, but it was impossible to hear him over the shouting of the near riot. Maximus whinnied-though it sounded more like a scream-and reared up to his full height. The crowd backed up slightly, falling quiet.

Maximus snorted, pleased with himself.

The king sighed. “I will not lie to you any longer,” He said. “Corona is in grave danger. The queen has been taken. Over half our guard lies wounded. And the black rocks draw ever closer.”

The crowd broke into panicked shouting, and for a second, Eileen really thought she was about to be trampled.

The king held up his hand, and the sea of civilians calmed for a moment. “But I look at you, and I don’t just see subjects,” The king continued. “I see friends, family, strong, brave individuals who have stood by each others’ side, and have never, ever, backed down from a fight.

“Today, we face a danger like never before,” The king said grimly. “As your king, your friend, your brother, I ask you to fight one more time. For Corona!”

The crowd cheered loudly, and Eileen backed up, ending up next to Rapunzel. “What...what happened?”

“We had a talk, and...I’ll explain later.” Rapunzel assured her, a steely light in her eye. She looked up at Eileen, and her stomach did a little flip.

“Right now, we need to get my mom.” Rapunzel said.

*** *** ***

“What do you ask of us, your Majesty?” Crowley asked, holding a broom like a spear.

Eileen looked around the cramped war room, the remaining guards clustered in close, their armor dented and scratched, but a determined look set on their faces. Rapunzel studied the diorama of Corona, and Eileen could see wheels turning behind her eyes, planning, deconstructing, examining every inch of the problem until it had no secrets to hide from her.

_God, she’s beautiful._

“As was so insightfully pointed out to me,” The king said. “We have been playing right into Varian’s hands, and now, he’s expecting a full-out attack of Old Corona.”

“So what’s the plan, Your Majesty?” Stan asked.

Rapunzel reached out, pointing directly into the middle of Old Corona. “We launch a full-out attack on Old Corona.”

“But…” Pete looked puzzled. “We’d be giving him the upper hand.”

“We’re going to let Varian think he still has the upper hand,” Rapunzel said. “While we distract him with the assault, I’m gonna sneak around to the back using the underground tunnels to rescue the queen.”

The king put a hand on Rapunzel’s shoulder. “ _We_ are going to rescue the queen.” He said, and Rapunzel smiled gratefully.

“With all due respect, Princess,” Stan said. “Varian only wants you. Once he sees you’re nowhere to be found, won’t he realize the attack is just a diversion?”

“Probably,” Rapunzel said. “That’s what he’s for.” She motioned to the corner of the room, and Eileen turned.

Shorty stumbled into the room, donned on a purple dress and a wig made of yellow yarn. “I got this.” He slurred. 

Eileen leaned over to Rapunzel. “I can’t decide if I wish I had never seen that or I want you to paint that for me.”

*** *** ***

“Cap, are you sure you’re up for this?” Eileen asked. The captain was in the infirmary, his usual scowl of displeasure now replaced by one of pain.

“Frankly,” He grunted. “No. I don’t. I’ll only slow you down.”

“Then how are you gonna lead the assault?” Pete asked.

“I’m not,” He smiled slightly, looking across the room to Cassandra, who looked surprised. “She is.”

Cassandra blinked, and then immediately adopted an adamantine expression. She nodded. “Get ready,” Cassandra said. “It’s going to be rough, but we need to distract Varian in any way we can until the king and princess can get the king. We leave in fifteen minutes. Do what you have to do.”

The guards nodded, and Cassandra watched them rush out to collect supplies. She caught sight of Eileen’s face and scowled. “What?”

“Nothing,” Eileen said. “Just glad you’re on our side instead of the other way around. I’d take a million evil machines over fighting you any day.”

Cassandra managed to smile. “Thanks, Ellie.”

“Anytime.”

*** *** ***

“Keep an eye out, everyone,” Cassandra said, picking her way through the rocks. “It’s too quiet for my liking.”

The situation in Old Corona had only gotten worse. It was nearly impossible to walk without bumping into a rock, and the area had been completely abandoned. No people. No animals. Even the plants withered, either split by rocks in a vicious attack or simply pushed out to make space for them. 

“I can fix that.” Shorty said, atop Maximus, and cleared his throat. He opened his mouth, and what came out of his mouth might have been singing, but it could have also been choking. 

“Sh!” Cassandra snapped, and thankfully Shorty stopped.

They gathered at the bridge, and it was ominously intact. Varian’s house was dead still, and completely silent. “Maybe Rapunzel was wrong and we overestimated the kid.” Lance said quietly.

“I highly doubt it,” Eileen said. “But it’s a nice thought.”

“Listen.” Cassandra said suddenly, and the group fell quiet.

For a second, Eileen couldn’t hear anything. But then barely, just barely, she managed to make out a mechanical tune, sounding like it was coming from below them.

The ground rumbled, and her heart skipped a beat.

An automaton burst from the ground like a demon clawing its way out of hell, green glowing eyes peering at them with a predatory gaze.

“Dammit.” Eileen said, stepping back.

“It’s alright!” Cassandra said, glancing back. “This thing is tough, but we have it outnumbered!”

As soon as the assurance left her lips, more green eyes appeared from the dark, and the main one stepped forward. An automaton thudded up behind them, it’s mechanical head tilting. “It’s an ambush!” Cassandra shouted.

The group scattered, and the automatons converged on them, swiping and smashing. Eileen threw herself out of the way, only barely avoiding a spike. She shivered, imagining herself or anyone else impaled on one far too easily. 

“Don’t let up!” Cassandra yelled, fighting off an automaton, but all they could do was go on defense. Swords did nothing. 

Eileen dodged another assault, and cursed when she saw the cylinder on their backs was now covered by a thick sheet of metal. “They covered the cylinder thing!” She shouted to Cassandra.

The automaton swiped at her, hitting a rock. She expected it to break, but instead, the metal dented, and the automaton pulled away. “They-the rocks!” Eileen shouted. “Use the rocks!”

Cassandra’s eyes widened, and when the automaton rushed her, she dodged just in time. The metal monster didn’t have time to change directions, impaling itself on the rocks. Its eyes went dim, and it sputtered before exploding into a hot fireball. 

The rocks were completely undamaged.

The rest of the group followed her lead, and soon they were dodging shrapnel and explosions as well as the rocks and automatons.

“Not bad, Ellie.” Cassandra panted, coming to a stop beside Eileen.

“Well,” Eileen said. “I’m a problem solver. It’s what I do.”

The ground thundered, and Eileen turned to see several more automatons charging.

“Ah, shit.” She and Cassandra said at the same time.

Eileen split, trying to focus on everything that was going on around her, while at the same time trying to avoid killing herself. And all the while, her stomach twisted in anxiety, wondering if Rapunzel was alright. Had she succeeded? Was she hurt? Was she dead?

_She’s not dead. You can’t think like that._

She slid under an automaton’s feet, throwing it off balance as it tried to grab her. She pushed it forward, and stepped back when it exploded, the heat stinging her face slightly. The door to Varian’s house opened, and Rapunzel rushed out, flanked by her parents.

“Rapunzel!” Eileen shouted, waving.

The family continued to run, and Eileen saw why when another automaton, bigger than the others, burst out of the house, this time with a singular red eye. She could see Varian’s face through the red haze, his face twisted unnaturally with fury and a touch of grief.

Cassandra leapt at the automaton, but it grabbed her out of the air, and brought her closer to examine her. “Hello, Cassandra,” Varian’s voice rang out from the automaton, distorted and angry. “I always knew I could sweep you off your feet.”

“Christ.” Eileen said.

“Let her go, Varian!” The queen shouted, and Varian turned his machine to face her and her family. Before she could react, he reached out and grabbed her in his other metal claw, ignoring Rapunzel's shout. He examined them both, eyes empty of anything but cruelty. 

A frying pan hit the red window uselessly, and Varian blinked. 

Rapunzel stood at the bottom of the stone steps, her hair loose and wild, her expression so focused it was scary. “That’s enough, Varian!” She shouted. 

“It’s not enough,” Varian said, stepping towards her. “Until you’ve endured the same amount of pain and agony I have!”

The metal claws grew tight, and Eileen saw the two wince in pain. “No!” Rapunzel said, and suddenly, rocks burst from the ground, racing towards Rapunzel like moths to a flame. Eileen tried to step towards her, but was cut off when a rock nearly pierced her skull.

“What’s happening?!” She shouted.

The rocks grew higher, kicking up dirt and grit, and when it finally stopped, Rapunzel was gone, concealed in a tomb of black, sun-stealing rocks. “No!” Eileen shouted. “Rapunzel!”

There was an awful beat of silence that seemed to last forever, and awful images of Rapunzel, pierced and dying from the rocks, popped into her mind, and felt like she was about to throw up.

The air hummed with new energy, and suddenly, the rocks were yanked back into the ground, pulling away from Rapunzel, now suddenly repelled from her like magnets. 

A long strand of hair touched the tip of a rock, and the contact made the two glow brightly. Rocks shot up from the ground again, except this time, they pierced several automatons, and Eileen ducked away from an explosion. 

Rapunzel looked shocked, and then set her jaw tight. She stepped toward Varian, who’s face now resembled more of a slack-jawed horror and surprise. Rapunzel took a deep breath, and two rocks rose slowly beside her, glowing a bright blue.

And she grabbed the rocks.

The effect was immediate. She screamed, but it was drowned out by an explosion of bright blue-white light, spreading out instantly as though a massive rock had been dropped in a previously still lake. Eileen was thrown off her feet, blinded by the flash, and heard a loud, metallic crash, and realized the same thing must have happened to Varian.

When she regained her senses, she saw Rapunzel still holding onto the rocks, eyes shut tightly and jaw clenched. Her hair flew around her as if it had come to life, and for some reason it reminded Eileen of a willow tree’s branches shifting in the wind. The rocks shifted around them, climbing higher and then being sucked back down as if controlled by an amateur puppet master. Which, judging by their reaction to Rapunzel, probably wasn’t far from the truth.

“Rapunzel.” Eileen said, but her voice sounded hoarse. 

The automaton rose to its feet, Varian’s angry expression back. He no longer had the queen and Cassandra, but now he looked at Rapunzel with wild, unhinged hatred. Rapunzel leaned forward slightly, and rocks surged out from around her. They hit Varian’s automaton, ripping off limbs one by one until Varian was left with only a metal body, still trying to crawl to Rapunzel.

One final rock, tall as a watchtower, pierced the center of the automaton, barely missing Varian, and the glowing red eye went dark, and the metal monster went limp.

More rocks burst from the ground, racing past Rapunzel and toward the massive border wall. As if ripping tissue paper, the rocks tore down the wall, punching a hole into the outside world violently.

Rapunzel turned, and her grip slipped on the rocks. Instantly, the energy fizzled away. The glow of her hair and rocks died, and she collapsed.

“No!” Eileen said, scrambling to her feet and running to Rapunzel’s side. “Oh my God, oh my God, no no no…”

She grabbed Rapunzel’s hand, and for a moment, Rapunzel didn’t move. Eileen felt herself start to shake because there was no way it could end like this, it wasn’t fair-

And then Rapunzel’s eyes blinked open. Exhausted, but unhurt.

“Hi.” She said sheepishly.

Eileen blinked. “Sorry your birthday was so shit.” She blurted out, and immediately wished she had impaled herself just to have avoided saying that.

But Rapunzel laughed.

Eileen helped her up, and the princess paused when she saw the broken wall. The rocks were small now, and close to the ground, trailing out and off into the distance, all pointing in the same direction. A beacon.

Pointing Rapunzel towards something Eileen couldn’t even begin to imagine.

*** *** ***

Varian said nothing when they took him, staring at the ground in silent sameness, though Eileen could only imagine what was going through his head. He looked so, so much older than fourteen when they shoved him in a prison cart.

It was an entirely different person from the one who had nearly blown up the town with water heaters. That kid had been happy. 

“Don’t be too hard on him, Dad.” Rapunzel said softly, watching Ruddiger scamper into the cart just before the door closed. The raccoon scuttled up to Varian’s shoulders, patting his cheek gently, but Varian didn’t seem to notice.

“I’ll be sure to do everything I can to get him help,” The king said. “As for Quirin, I won’t give up until I find a way to free him.” 

The sky lit up with a blood-red sunrise, and Rapunzel paused, watching as the rocks once again swallowed the light. “It’s like rocks wants us to…” She trailed off. “Follow them.”

“I think you’re right,” The king said, voice heavy. “At first, I believed the rock’s purpose was to destroy Corona. I was wrong. I can see now they’re pointing in a direction. Pointing you in a direction.”

He sighed. “I only regret that it has taken all this to convince me I should be doing the same.”

He stepped up to Rapunzel. “Rapunzel, when you were returned to us, I swore I would never let anything happen to you again.”

“Dad,” Rapunzel said softly. “We’ve talked about this. I don’t-”

“You’re right,” The king said, touching her cheek gently. “This past year, you showed me there is so much more in you than I ever could have imagined. I’ve just been too afraid to let you go. But this path…” He motioned to the rocks. “Is your’s to follow. And if you ever lose your way…”

The sky began to light up in a new glow, gentle, bright and hopeful. Lanterns floated above them, released a bit late, but they were there nonetheless. 

Rapunzel’s face lit up, brighter than the sun, watching as the breeze carried the lanterns out and away from Corona, blocking out the ugly crimson of the sky with their kind light. 

Rapunzel threw her arms around her father. “I love you.” She said, voice slightly muffled. Her father hugged back tightly, and her mother joined, and Eileen was struck with the realization that a year ago today, they had done the exact same thing. 

Except then, Rapunzel had had shorter hair.

*** *** ***

“You sure you want me along for your little road trip?” Eileen asked. “I’ll be driving you nuts within the week.”

Rapunzel laughed. “Well, you already do that, so it’s not going to be any different.”

“Ouch, who are you, Cassandra?” Eileen asked.

“You…” Rapunzel looked worried. “You will come, though, right?”

“If you want me too.” Eileen said.

“But do you want to?” Rapunzel asked.

“More than anything in the world,” And she meant it with every fiber of her being. “I did promise I wouldn’t leave, after all. We gotta stick together, right?”

Rapunzel smiled, brighter than anything the sun could have ever cooked up, and Eileen’s heart twisted painfully. 

“Where do you think the rocks are leading us?” Rapunzel asked.

“No idea,” Eileen said. “I don’t think anyone knows.”

Rapunzel was quiet, and Eileen glanced at her. “Are you okay? It’s...it’s alright to be scared.”

“I’m not scared.” Rapunzel said.

“Yeah?” Eileen asked.

“How could I be?” She looped her arm around Eileen’s, leading her down the castle hall. “I’ve got you.”

“Heh.” Eileen said, pretending to be fascinated with the cleanup of the castle square below to hide her furious blush.

Rapunzel paused. “Are _you_ okay?”

Eileen took a breath, going through one thousand emotions in less than a second. As if disposing of a pest, she grabbed at her awful, painful love for Rapunzel as it threatened to overwhelm her and _God why couldn’t it just go away-_

She boxed the emotions up as quickly as she could, pushing them down, down, down into the farthest corner of her mind, and smiled with ease.

The emotions would be back, of course. They always came back, and they always seemed to do so when she was least prepared. But...that was a problem for later.

“Of course I’m fine,” Eileen said. “Now, don’t you have a birthday party to attend?”

Rapunzel smiled, and Eileen walked with her, pretending once again she wasn’t completely, utterly, and helplessly in love with the Princess of Corona.

After all, how could one be in love with the sun herself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that, ladies and gentlement, neithers, boths, and in-betweens, is the end of book one!
> 
> only two more to go my god
> 
> anyway, the next book will be out on tuesday, so watch this series for updates! im really excited for all the canon divergances ive got lined up, and i think you guys are gonna love it. we get to reeeeeally get into the angst next book.
> 
> thanks for reading, stay safe, stay healthy, and i love you all!  
> -Em

**Author's Note:**

> follow my tumblr to chat and get updates!!!
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/toadintheroad


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